AITA I told him I would never again bake him something ?
A Reddit user faced an emotional moment on her husband’s birthday when he dismissed her thoughtful gesture of baking a banana cake with vegan frosting, claiming he no longer liked it.
Despite her efforts to make a cake he once enjoyed, his reaction hurt her feelings, leading her to declare she would never bake for him again. Now, she wonders if she overreacted to his response. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA I told him I would never again bake him something ?’
My husband is lactose intolerant but he likes banana cake. For his birthday, I baked a two layer banana cake and made the recipe of a vegan frosting and a vegan toffee sauce that was really good!
When we were going to sing the usual Happy Birthday song, he stood up and was walking over the cake table while I was saying that I had baked a banana cake for him with vegan frosting and sauce.
His answer, in front of everyone, was that he didn’t know why I had baked him some cake if I already knew he didn’t like them because he has not eaten in so many years that he doesn’t even like it anymore.
I felt hurt and didn’t say a thing there. I thought that he would appreciate me baking a cake for his birthday because that’s what his mom used to do when he was a kid and he always makes a comment about me not baking the kids’ cakes.
Every time I go to the local bakery, I get him a banana cake and he eats it and says how much he likes it. The rest of the celebration, I was trying to act normal, but he noticed and when everyone left, he asked if I was ok.
I said I was never going to bake him something. His answer was, thank you and that I was being unfair with him because I should have already know. Worst of all of this was that, my birthday is the same day as his. So I baked another cake for me because I wanted a chocolate cake, but this is just venting.. AITA Reddit?
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
TheBookishFoodie − NTA. So he eats banana cakes from the bakery all the time, but he also hasn’t had one in years? Yikes what a gaslighter. Luckily he only made himself look bad. Next time you go to the bakery, only buy yourself a treat. You don’t know what he likes after all!
ParsimoniousSalad − INFO: So if he’s been eating and enjoying the bakery cakes you’ve been getting him, he is clearly lying for the audience. Why would he do that?
Nester1953 − Why on earth would your husband tell a lie, in public, on both of your birthdays, in order to humiliate you and make you look bad in front of everyone after you’d put out all that special effort for him?
What your husband did was extremely hostile. Aggressively so. And then his gas-lighty thing (at last, Reddit, actual g**lighting!) where he tells you that you should already know. When you do know.
You know that he eats banana cake all the damned time. So…? I’m not suggesting that this is the hill your marriage should die on, but lying to humiliate your wife in public on her birthday is a very, very bad look.
I think that if I were you, I’d insist on marital counseling. Yesterday. And if he refused, I might take a nice little break until he agreed. It’s not OK for him to do this to you. You don’t have to tolerate it.. NTA
StardustGamerYT − your husband doesnt like banana cake but eats it from the bakery when you get some for him… and calls you out in front of people for it..?. he really is bananas!. NTA though op.
Excellent_Cicada7494 − My Ex was like this. It’s the reason I don’t bake for men anymore unless I know it will be appreciated. My ex could never understand why he never got anything baked from me after that happened.
It’s amazing the cognitive dissonance some men have when they complain about what you give them and then also complain when they get nothing because you’re sick of their BS.
kateykmck − Info: does your husband even like you? Because I cannot for the f**king life of me imagine treating my spouse like this when it’s also their birthday, and then being indignant about why you’re upset.. Your husband is not a nice man.
LimeLight4TheDark − NTA, but if I were you, I’d do some serious introspection. This man lied about not liking the cake, and did this in front of a crowd to humiliate you on your birthday.
Then, when you talked about it, all he could muster is “you should have known”??? The ease at which he does this, and the apathy towards you that exudes from his words, makes me believe this isn’t the first time your husband does something insensitive like this either.
Delicious-Pick-6971 − NTA What did he do for YOUR birthday apart from humiliating you in public to make himself feel good? You don’t need to tell him you won’t bake for him. Just don’t. Also don’t buy bakery cakes.
Don’t make his favourite food, make yours. Don’t buy the treats he likes. Just live you life without a care about what he thinks/feels/needs. You’ll see, it’s wonderful to be s**fish
Normal-Height-8577 − NTA. And not only stop baking for him, but stop buying that banana cake from the bakery. If he questions it, point out that he said he didn’t like cake.
If he says “but that one’s an exception”, point out that it’s the same type of cake he rejected in front of everyone at your joint birthday party without even a token test bite. He cannot have it both ways!
_Fraggler_ − NTA. You sound incredibly kind and thoughtful. I’m sorry your husband is being such an ass. And that cake sounds divine!
I’m coeliac and when I go to my parents for dinner, my mam always bakes me a gluten free cake or dessert.
I can’t even explain how much I appreciate it! I’ve offered to bring my own but she insists. Food is my family’s love language! I think that’s why I’m so mad with your husband on your behalf. OP, please go treat yourself to your favourite cake. Make it a regular “self care” thing. Sounds like you deserve it. X
Do you think the user’s reaction was justified given her husband’s comments, or was it an overreaction? How would you handle a situation where your thoughtful gesture was dismissed? Share your thoughts below!