AITA I offended my sisters while explaining why I didn’t want children?

A Reddit user shares the fallout with her sisters after explaining her reasons for being child-free. During a conversation at her housewarming party, she was honest about not wanting children, partly because she doesn’t feel equipped to handle the sacrifices involved—especially given the high risk of disabilities that runs in their family.

Her sisters, both mothers to children with disabilities, took offense, feeling that she dismissed the value of their families. Now, they’ve cut off contact, and the user is wondering if she crossed a line. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA I offended my sisters while explaining why I didn’t want children?’

I (28f), have 4 siblings, one of them being disabled. The other three have kids, this post is about A(35F) and B(32F), A have 4 kids (17F, 15M, 14M, 9F), the younger 3 have severe physical and mental disabilities. B have 3 (12M, 7M, 2F), the oldest and middle have the same disabilities as my older sister’s children, and the younger have down syndrome.

They are both SAHM, all the children are in the disability programs my country offers but there is not much money left, after all the medical bills of therapy and meds they need. Their husband’s have ok jobs, but with the severity of the children’s disabilities it is hard to go by.

On the other hand, I am single, child-free by choice, went to university, totally debt free, have a masters, and work from home in my dream field. Last month I bought my first house. I invited my family and friends for a house warming this Saturday. I paid for two caretakers to care for their children so they could come.

Everything was fine and fun. Until the end of the night, my friends had already gone home, and it was the three of us. They started to talk about me setting down, marrying, and having kids, since I bought a house. I remembered that I didn’t want kids. This talk circulated several times. Until they asked me why foi the tenth time.

I told them, besides really not wanting to have a child, I love my freedom, I love the life that I already have. Thinking about our family DNA, that is a high chance of having a disabled child, that means more work and sacrificing, I don’t want to sacrifice myself.

I want to have money for hobbies, to take care of myself, for expensive clothes and hairdressers, to travel, to live and not just survive. I love them, they’re great mom’s but I don’t want to make the sacrifices to be the same, I would be an awful and spiteful mom, and no one deserves that.

From everything I said, the only thing they listened to was about not wanting a disabled child. They went on a spiral about how much of a blessing their kids are, how I am an egotistical b**ch, and so much more. They blocked me on social media, and aren’t answering me in the family group chat.

My mom called to give me a speech about how my disabled brother (36M)was a blessing in her life, how he is a gift from God, and uninvited me from christmas because my sisters won’t come if I come. I called my brother (39), his two children are adopted.

He admitted a long time ago this was due to the high chance of disability in our family. He told me my delivery is rude, but they also s**k, they should know not everyone wants kids. He encouraged me to apologize because I know how they are.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

wheelartist −  NTA,. I’m disabled myself. Honestly it sounds more like your sisters want you to make the same decision in order to validate their decisions, which is a very human thing but not really fair to you. You aren’t them, they might love having kids and want more and that is valid regardless of what anyone else does or does not want.

Also they are possibly taking out their own struggles with resenting the difficulties on you (No matter how much of a blessing children are, even people who wanted them and who had able bodied kids have moments when they just plain regret having them, it would be much healthier if people admitted and processed this)

Not wanting kids is a valid choice, not wanting them because there is a high risk of disability which means inevitable struggles, plus could be incredibly unfair to the child is also valid. A lot of people fuss about how not wanting a disabled child is ablist without addressing that the chief reason is we live in an ablist society that begrudges even basic rights for disabled children and adults.

Your sisters need to process their own internal worlds and reconcile the fact that not everyone wants what they want, their decisions are valid regardless of other people, that it’s okay to not always be happy about the outcomes of decisions we made. That they can love their kids and still be mad that it’s such a struggle and so difficult sometimes.

NaryaGenesis −  NTA. Honestly, I worked with Special Needs kids for over a decade. And there is a MASSIVE difference between a child born with a disability as a surprise and DECIDING to bring a child that you KNOW will suffer into the world if there’s family history.

Not all disability is the same. Not all of them can have a quality of life. Some absolutely SUFFER until they pass. And KNOWINGLY doing that to your child for your own desires is s**fish as f**k!

You have the awareness to know you’re not cut out for it. Good for you. Because not everyone is. They willingly decided to live that life and you willingly decided against it. That’s your right.. NTA

OliveMammoth6696 −  NTA. and especially not the a**hole for recognizing that the probability of you having disabled kids is high and that you’re not the person to that. People fail to realize that you sacrifice a lot already having children and while some people are okay with that some aren’t.

You aren’t wrong at all, most people have kids without even considering their genetic markers which I think is really cruel. Also if they’re upset then that’s their problem, you might have delivered wrong but it sounds like they heard that they wanted too so I personally wouldn’t apologize.

Bluevanonthestreet −  NTA. I have a disabled child who is medically complex and another child with autoimmune disease and neurodivergence. I love my children deeply and I don’t regret them. That being said life is really freaking hard, money is tight, and my own health issues take a backseat to their care.

It is a huge strain on my marriage and thankfully I married a good man because most would have already run from our dumpster fire. You have a much higher chance of having a disabled child due to family history. The fact that you know you don’t want that life doesn’t mean you hate disabled people.

That’s ridiculous. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your choice or what you said. They are upset most likely because of their own guilt and possible resentment of their situations. Has your family done any genetic testing?

LenoreSkellington −  NTA. I am lucky enough to have 3 healthy children. I have a niece with developmental disabilities, and a nephew with Down’s Syndrome. I love them both dearly… but as a parent I know I would not have had the innate patience necessary to be a good mother to a child like that.

It’s a skill I would have had to learn, and there’s something wrong with “using” a child in that manner to learn a skill I know I don’t possess. Deciding to not take the risk is smart, especially if you know you’d be spiteful due to the potential circumstances. Knowing your limitations does not make you a “bad person”.

Best-Procedure3447 −  NTA Don’t apologize. How f–ing s**fish are they that they think you should have kids KNOWING there is a high propability for disability? Sometimes life dictates a child with Down’s, I get that. It can be outof the blue and thats ok, but if you know your DNA is faulty, it is completely s**fish to have children.

I say this as a childless woman who chose to be so because Muscular Dystrophy runs in my hub’s family and heart/liver issues run in mine. Plus, due to rare issues in my DNA I have like a 40% at getting cancer in my life. It is genetic. I would never willingly subject an innocent child to that life, its heartless.

So, your sisters are s**fish and backward. Success at life is by your definition, if you’re happy then that is all that matters and your Mom is a j**k for taking their side.

FantasticCabinet2623 −  NTA. People need to learn not to ask questions they might not like the answers to.

Additional-Trash577 −  NTA. you don’g owe anyone an explanation why you don’t want to have children. It’s on them that they pushed you to answer this question and it’s on them for not liking it.

Kami_Sang −  NTA – first up – people with kids can be so self righteous in believing that life is about becoming a parent. You don’t have to explain why you don’t want kids to anyone.

Your family knows your stand but still feel they need to meddle so to me they deserve the reply they got – poor delivery or not. Also, I genuinely belive they see it as judgment. They know what they risked in having children but they still did it.

When the intitial kid or kids showed the disabilities, they still kept on having kids. So when you say you won’t – which I personally belive to be very responsible – they take it very negatively. However, I have no compassion because if they just minded their business to begin with you wouldn’t have needed to explain your view.

South-Ad-9635 −  NTA. “They went on a spiral about how much of a blessing their kids are…”. “My mom called to give me a speech about how my disabled brother (36M)was a blessing in her life, how he is a gift from God…”. Those are things that people in that situation tell themselves to cope with their lives. As other’s have said, this is on them for pressing you about why you don’t want children.

Do you think she was too blunt in sharing her perspective, or were her sisters being unfair in their reaction? How would you handle a situation where personal choices clash with family expectations? Share your thoughts below!