AITA I might’ve ruined my parents marriage with ASMR?

A Redditor (20M) recommended ASMR to his stepdad to help with sleep, but things took a turn when his mom found out and got upset, thinking it was inappropriate. Despite the ASMR being wholesome, like Gibi ASMR, the situation escalated, and now the Redditor feels guilty. Read the full story below to see if they’re at fault for the tension it caused.

‘ AITA I might’ve ruined my parents marriage with ASMR?’

I (20M) have a nightly routine where I listen to ASMR to help me sleep. My stepdad was having trouble sleeping, so I recommended he try ASMR as well. He gave it a shot, and my mom found out about it. She got really upset, thinking it was strange for him to be listening to women whispering in his ear.

The situation escalated, and they’ve been arguing about it regularly. My mom sees it as “borderline cheating,” which I understand might sound odd if you’re not familiar with ASMR. To clarify, he only listens to wholesome ASMR channels like Gibi ASMR, and there’s nothing inappropriate about it.

I’ve tried explaining to my mom that it’s harmless and not s*xual, but she’s still upset. Eventually, my stepdad stopped listening to it, but my mom continues to bring it up, and I can’t help but feel like I’m to blame for everything.

AITA for recommending ASMR to my stepdad, which might have led to these problems?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

ExistenceRaisin −  NTA. Your mother is being weird, and that’s not your fault. By her logic, listening to music sung by women or watching movies with female actors could be “borderline cheating” too.

Artistic-Emotion-623 −  If your parents marriage is that fragile that ASMR is breaking them apart then their marriage wasn’t that strong in the first place. So no you don’t ruin their marriage.

edebby −  NTA. Borderline cheating? Is there a reason your mom is so insecure? What if he would listen to lets say music or audio books – would listening to a woman singer\\reader would also be “borderline cheating”?

thatgrimwitch −  NTA. Imagine being so insecure that you think your husband’s listening to pre-recorded ASMR is cheating. Then again, there’s people who think their partners watching porn is, so…

x_HorrorHime_x −  NTA but I will say, as a ASMR listener myself, there is a very large percentage of creators who are women making content aimed at a male skewed audience. Obviously not all ASMRtists are that way, but as someone who has been listening for years it is unavoidable when shifting through content.

I know you said your stepdad listens to users like Gibi (who does really fun vids) but even just the first page of YouTube ASMR search already pulls up several “personal attention” videos aimed at men where the artist purposely speaks in a seductive tone. If mom caught him watching a few of those I can understand why she’d be upset , it’s not cheating, but it can verge into an “emotional connection” to the artist, the same way with OnlyFans creators.

Typical-Jaguar5422 −  Uhhhhh… seems like your mom is the AH in this case.

November-8485 −  NTA. Whatever the issue is it’s likely bigger than asmr. This is just the ‘last straw’. Believing ASMR is basically cheating or weird because it’s a woman’s voice is ludicrous. She’s hurt about something else or paranoid because she’s cheating.

FrotKnight −  The stuff your dad is listening to sounds… Intimate. Not necessarily s**ual, but intimate. A lot of asmr triggers similar parts of your brain as an o**asm does, despite it not necessarily being s**ual content in nature. Just because it’s not erotic content and it’s a woman your dad doesn’t know, it’s a little understandable why your mother might feel a certain way about it, especially if your dad didn’t talk with her about it first. It comes across like he’s covering it up, despite it not being s**ual or erotic in nature.

He should have mentioned it to her first before letting a strange woman whisper him to sleep. Or you could have introduced him to the slightly less intimate asmr content. I guess NTA but you should probably talk to your mother and suggest some alternatives for your dad. There are always some people unwilling to accept the fact that a substantial amount of asmr is intimate (not s**ual) in nature. Kinda sad really.

Lucifer07x −  NTA. Your mother has problems. If she thinks that’s borderline cheating and and it’s taking a toll on their marriage then the marriage wasn’t a solid one to begin with. Your mother needs to see a therapist as their underlying psychological issues with her, tell your step father about it first and see if you can both come up with a resolution.

Bold-Belle2 −  NTA. Thinking that women (and men) whispering and doing stuff that is intended to help someone relax or sleep is “borderline cheating” is awfully wrong. My girlfriend is one of those people who enjoy it, and while I don’t understand it much, the simple fact that it helps her relax when a lot of other things fail/don’t work is a great thing and should be encouraged. None of it is s**ual, it’s all bringing peace and love to someone so they feel safe, calm and helps them sleep.