AITA I lied about having a college fund for my step sister to save my sister

A Redditor (32F) shared a story of her difficult upbringing with a narcissistic mother and how she became the guardian of her younger sister’s trust fund after their mother’s ex, Dan, left it to them. To protect her sister from their manipulative mother, she repeatedly lied about sharing the fund with their stepsister, ensuring her sister could safely go to college without interference.

Now, years later, the stepsister is reportedly depressed after not securing college funds and refusing to take loans. The Redditor is wondering if her actions — protecting her sister at all costs — make her an AH. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA I lied about having a college fund for my step sister to save my sister’

I am 32F. I grew up with a narcissistic mom. I have never met my dad. The first hug I have received in my life was at 10 years old when Dan (my mom’s BF) hugged me when I thanked him for a gift. My mom had my sister a year later. My sister was the perfect baby sister anyone could ask for. Mom and Dan split and at first mom had major custody of my sister.

Mom did the same thing to my sister she did to me, doesn’t even acknowledge us in the room if she was not in the mood, not feeding us dinner if we made a mistake, made everything our fault. When Dan found out, he applied for full custody for my sister but my mother fought and somehow wrangled 50% of custody.

Things got real bad for me and the only silver lining was my sister. Despite being only 4 years old, she would sneak in snacks from her dad for me to eat. Anything Dan bought for her, he also bought me. He wasn’t wealthy by any means but it was the small things and anytime he dropped my sister, he will take his time to talk to me. He was the only father I have ever known.

Dan died of cancer when I was 16 and my sister 5. He lived only 3 months from the diagnosis but settled everything financially as able as he can for my sister. He split his assets 75% for my sister and 25% for me to be given to me when I reached 18. Knowing my mom very well, he made me the executor of my sister’s fund too. To say my mom was furious was an understatement. She literally made the next 2 years of my life and my sister a living hell.

When my mom started dating Brad, he already had a daughter 3 years younger than my sister. My mom had made it absolutely clear that my sister will be allowed to go to college only if she shares her trust fund with our stepsister. Brad is a piece of work and me and my sister never really bonded with our stepsister.

She refused to sign anything related to my sister’s education unless I give her my word that I will give my step sister equal half of the trust fund. This is where I think I was the a**hole. I held the trust fund above my mom’s head to treat my sister fairly. I repeatedly told them I will give my step sister half the fund until my sister was 18 and moved to college.

Once she moved out, we both cut any contact we had with our mom and blocked her. I made my sister give her the wrong college info, so our mom couldn’t contact her. I have found out through few friends my mom didn’t know I have that my step sister couldn’t get into any college because she didn’t want to apply any loans and she is very depressed.

I know I misled them, but I honestly wanted my sister to be safe. AITA for causing my step sister’s depression and robbing her of college.

Edit: Thank you everyone for your reassurance. I showed this post to my sister and the only thing she had to say was “Duh”. We both have discussed and decided to not contact our step sister. We were never close to her and my friends back there can’t safely get any message to her without dragging our mom into it which is the last thing we both want.. ​ All these awards, thank you all again and the kind stranger who gave me gold.

Check out how the community responded:

ReganX −  NTA. You did what you needed to do to protect your baby sister, and for that, you should be proud. Your mother was trying to deny her the right to an education in order to rob her. You were justified in saying whatever you needed to say to protect your sister’s interests. Dan knew what he was doing when he named you executor. He knew that you would safeguard your sister’s interests, and you have proven that he was right to trust you.

As for your stepsister, if she chooses not to apply for any loans, not going to college is her choice, not yours. She and your mother would have known for three years that they couldn’t rely on robbing your sister to pay her way through college. If they didn’t make alternative plans, that’s on them, not you.

BaconFaceHappyPants −  NTA. That money was for your sister, from her father. There was no reason whatsoever for you to share it with your Mom’s new guys kid. Stepsister not going to college because she didn’t want to apply for loans is on her. I understand the blow of learning that she isn’t getting money that you told your mom she would receive – but you did that to try and keep the peace in what sounds like a s**tty home.

5115E −  Doing the math here: You are 32 and 11 years older than your sister so she is ~~22~~ 21. Your step-sister is 3 years younger than your sister, that makes her ~~19~~18. You didn’t “rob” your stepsister of college. Where is Brad, your step-sister’s actual father in all of this? Why wouldn’t he be responsible for helping her in her education? She can start with community college and have her father sign for financial aid.

Neither you nor your sister have had anything to do with your mother and her family since your sister left for college, right? Your step-sister was a c**ualty to your mother’s n**cissism and her father enabled it.. NTA

AmIBeingPunkd- −  NTA. You didn’t rob her of anything, her dad and stepmom wrongfully held your sister’s education hostage instead of working to provide for their daughter. You did and said what you had to do. Can I just say.. your story really touched me. Dan was an amazing man beyond words.. and your sister at such a young age had so much love and compassion.

I am so glad the three of you had each other in life. I am so glad you and your sister have each other now. You all are stronger than the tragedies and the abuse thrown your way. Make the best out of your life and don’t look back.

Throwaway48382838 −  NTA. Dan was both of your dad and you guys do not and should not split your inheritance. I feel bad for your stepsister but again you guys owe her nothing. Your mom is a bully and a abusive you did what you had to do to get you and your sister out of the house safely. Narcissists have NO boundaries when there’s no boundaries there’s no rules to break. Lying is not the most evil thing to come out of this situation. Your conscious should be clear

AccioAmelia −  NTA. It wasn’t her money to begin with and she never should have planned to use it.

ladyjane711 −  NTA. When you’re powerless and dealing with an abuser, you do what you have to in order to survive. I’m sorry for what you and your sister have endured, and I’m glad you’re both safe and able to live a better life now.

It’s a shame that your step-sister was under the impression that she’d receive a college fund, but that is more about your mom being abusive. Everyone involved with your mom will experience fall out. Also, at the end of the day, it sounds like it was your step-sister’s choice not to go to college. Loans are there to be able to make college an option.

Lastly, even if your mom is kinder to your step-sister, I’d guess that there’s no way someone who is so abusive wouldn’t cross boundaries constantly and be cruel when angered. I can’t imagine that her own childhood hasn’t played a part and this just exacerbated it. Who knows? Regardless, it’s not your fault. That’s part of what your abuser would want you to believe. Silence that voice, survivor. It’s your time to thrive.

Asantos1234 −  NTA. You are not responsible for your StepSister. If you know information that can help her get help, send it to her. Watch out for your Mother and Stepfather, they may want revenge !!!

[Reddit User] −  NTA. You were looking out for your own sister. Your mom is a raging one though. You didn’t rob your step sister of anything. That money was meant only for you and your other sister.

UnsightlyFuzz −  NTA, because you DIDN’T cause her depression or rob her of college. So spare yourself any pangs of guilt. I’m sorry for the rough times you have been through.

Was the Redditor justified in lying to protect her sister from their manipulative mother, or do you think she should have been more transparent about the trust fund? Could she have done more to help her stepsister, or was it never her responsibility? Share your thoughts below!