AITA? I didn’t attend my son’s wedding, I instead spent the evening with his ex wife?

Family dynamics can be messy—especially when heartbreak, divorce, and new relationships intersect. In this story, a father recounts why he refused to attend his son’s wedding and instead chose to spend the evening supporting his ex-daughter-in-law.

After a long and turbulent backstory involving a troubled marriage, failed counseling, and subsequent divorce, the father explains how he and his daughter stepped in for the woman who, despite being cast aside, still needed family support. Now, his son claims this act of compassion was the ultimate betrayal. This post asks: Am I the a**hole for prioritizing empathy over traditional wedding attendance?

‘AITA: I didn’t attend my son’s wedding, I instead spent the evening with his ex wife?’

In complex family disputes, acts of compassion can sometimes be misinterpreted as betrayal. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman explains, “Honesty and empathy in communication are essential, especially when families are under stress. When a parent extends support to a vulnerable family member—even if that person is an ex—the act is not about choosing one over another but about acknowledging emotional needs that might otherwise go unmet.”

In this situation, the father’s decision to spend the evening with his ex-daughter-in-law wasn’t an attempt to hurt his son; rather, it was a deliberate effort to support someone who had been left isolated after the divorce. Although his son views this as a personal betrayal, the father’s choice reflects a broader commitment to compassion and care.

Moreover, by discussing his genuine feelings and even admitting to unresolved fears about family stability, he sought to create an atmosphere of honest dialogue. While difficult, such transparency is vital in healing fractured relationships and rebuilding trust over time.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Reddit commenters have weighed in on similar dilemmas with a mix of humor and hard truths. Some argue, “If you weren’t part of the wedding contract, why should you be forced into attending?” while others note, “Supporting a struggling ex isn’t about choosing sides—it’s about extending compassion where it’s needed most.” A few even quipped that sometimes the ultimate act of care can be misconstrued as betrayal when traditional expectations come into conflict with genuine empathy.