AITA – I banned my MIL from my house after initially agreeing she could live with us?
Family living arrangements can become incredibly complicated when boundaries are continually crossed. I (47F) have been married to my husband (52M) for many years, and we once agreed to let his mother, our MIL, move in because she lacked money and retirement savings.
At first, I wanted to be supportive, but her behavior quickly turned disruptive. She constantly listens in on private conversations, changes our house rules, and even mishandles our personal items—washing my kitchen towels with her underwear and leaving my undergarments unwashed in the laundry room.
Her overbearing presence has escalated to the point where she enters our bedroom uninvited and invades our personal space. When I tried to set boundaries, my husband attempted to mediate by asking her to discreetly include my name on an email list she maintains with his relatives, rather than addressing her behavior directly. That passive approach left me feeling betrayed and disrespected.
Now, after a year of trying to live with her and repeatedly expressing my discomfort, I finally sent a firm email demanding that she be removed from our household. My MIL, however, dismissed my request and my husband is caught in the middle, reluctant to confront his mother directly. Faced with the prospect of living in what feels like a prison in my own home, I have decided to ban her entirely. Am I the asshole for enforcing this boundary, even though I previously agreed to let her stay?
‘ AITA – I banned my MIL from my house after initially agreeing she could live with us?’
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, states, “In situations where a family member consistently violates personal boundaries, it is not only acceptable but necessary to enforce strict limits. The process of setting and maintaining boundaries is critical for emotional well-being, even if it means facing familial backlash.”
She continues, “Your decision to ban your MIL, while painful, is a healthy response to an ongoing pattern of disrespect. It’s important for you and your husband to have a space where you feel safe and in control, and sometimes that means taking drastic measures.”
Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, adds, “Family conflicts, especially those involving in-laws, are complex and emotionally charged. When previous attempts at compromise fail, setting clear, firm boundaries is a viable strategy to preserve your personal space and mental health. Open and honest communication about these boundaries is essential for long-term healing, even if it leads to short-term conflict.”
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Several redditors expressed support, with one user commenting, “If your MIL is turning your home into a war zone, you’re not the asshole for setting clear boundaries. Your space should be respected, and it sounds like you’ve tried every other avenue.”
Another user wrote, “I think you did the right thing. When someone repeatedly oversteps personal boundaries, it’s necessary to draw the line. Family is important, but so is your mental health.”
Ultimately, your decision to ban your MIL from your home is rooted in a need to protect your personal space and maintain boundaries that have been repeatedly violated. While the decision has understandably caused significant family drama, it reflects a necessary stand against behavior that makes you feel unsafe and disrespected in your own home. This situation raises an important question: How far should we go to protect our personal space from invasive family members, even if it means severing ties?
What would you do if you found yourself forced to choose between maintaining a toxic living environment and preserving your peace of mind? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigating similarly complex family dynamics.