AITA I am refusing to get my nieces and nephews and younger brothers Xmas gifts am I the a**hole ?
Family can be a wonderful source of love, but it can also leave deep wounds—especially when it comes to celebrating special occasions. I (32F) come from a large family with eight siblings, and every year our parents host elaborate Christmas traditions. This year, I’ve decided to skip many of these events.
I’m not participating in the annual light switch-on, the Christmas Eve party, or even spending money on gifts for my nieces, nephews, and younger brothers. My decision stems from years of feeling neglected: for instance, my 13-year-old daughter Sam’s birthday in August was barely acknowledged by anyone except my mum and one supportive brother, Chris.
Despite our close proximity, most family members didn’t even send her a card—while even my partner’s family from another country made an effort. Feeling deeply hurt by this lack of care, I sent an emotional message to our family chat and now have resolved not to give out any Christmas presents from our side to those who didn’t celebrate Sam’s birthday. Am I the a**hole for saying that if they aren’t going to act like family, I won’t treat them as family?
‘ AITA I am refusing to get my nieces and nephews and younger brothers Xmas gifts am I the a**hole ?’
Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains, “Family celebrations are not just about exchanging gifts—they are symbolic of care, support, and a sense of belonging. When one side consistently fails to acknowledge these milestones, it can create a deep sense of rejection and hurt.”
She adds, “Your decision to withhold gift-giving is a boundary-setting measure. It’s important to communicate your feelings clearly, and if your family continues to neglect these important events, you are justified in protecting your emotional well-being.”
Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “It’s crucial in any family relationship that both giving and receiving are reciprocated in a way that makes everyone feel valued. Your choice to opt out of giving gifts is a way to express that you won’t continue to invest in a one-sided relationship. While it might seem harsh to some, it is a valid response to ongoing neglect.”
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Several redditors expressed strong support for your stance. One user commented, “If your family can’t even acknowledge a child’s birthday properly, you’re not the asshole for saying, ‘No gifts for you this Christmas!’ Protecting your emotions is important.”
Another commenter shared, “I totally understand your frustration. Family should celebrate each other’s milestones—not just pay lip service. You have every right to withhold your generosity if it’s not being reciprocated.”
Ultimately, your decision to refuse giving Christmas gifts to those who consistently neglect to celebrate your children’s milestones is a powerful expression of your hurt and a way to set boundaries. While some might argue that family should be forgiving, it’s equally important to honor your own feelings and protect your sense of belonging. This situation raises an important question: How do we balance the desire to maintain family bonds with the need to protect ourselves from ongoing neglect?
What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation, where your efforts to celebrate family milestones were met with indifference or neglect? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate these complex family dynamics.