AITA Found out mid-dinner that the guy we were with had slept with my GF?
A man (42) attended a dinner party with his girlfriend (39) at a friend’s house, where he learned through a guest’s comment that she and the friend had a more intimate past than she’d previously admitted.
Though he kept calm at the party, he later confronted her, and she admitted to lying about the extent of their history. The man feels conflicted, apologizing for his outburst but now questioning whether he should ask her to cut ties with this friend. read the original story below…
‘ AITA Found out mid-dinner that the guy we were with had slept with my GF?’
My GF (39F) invited me (M42) to go to a dinner party at her friend’s house last night. I knew they had met on a dating app and she had said they went on one date but decided to be friends instead. They hang out from time to time and I had met him once before about a year ago right after we started dating.
I have no reason to believe anything is going on right now but this is not the only ex she hangs out with. During the party, one of the other guests made a comment that made it apparent that it was more than one date and that things had gone much further than she said.
I laughed it off in the moment but asked her about it when we left and she admitted how far it had gone. I sort of blew up (my clear a**hole moment) because I felt that she could have been honest and the fact that she wasn’t made me look like an i**ot in public.
We spoke about it today and I apologized and she explained why she had lied about it. I don’t know why but now that I know the truth I sort of feel less comfortable with them hanging out. I know I’m the a**hole for blowing up but am I the a**hole for sort of thinking she should cut ties with this guy now?
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
stiggley − NTA she wasn’t honest about their relationship because you would be uncomfortable. So she knew it was an issue and deliberately, and repeatedly lied about it. No trust.
Embarrassed_Leg7201 − I don’t think you are the arsehole for blowing up at her, she lied to you about the relationship and continues to see him, so I’d be very suspicious of why she didn’t tell you when it first came up a year ago. For myself I’d break up with her because quite frankly I wouldn’t trust her anymore.
phred0095 − She lied to you. She got caught. And you apologized. Do you have so little self-esteem that you’d rather apologize to someone who’s screwing you over then stand up for yourself?. You are not in a good place.
headwaterscomponent1 − You found out at dinner that your girlfriend’s ‘friend’ is more like a ‘friend with benefits’? Sounds like the plot twist of a rom-com gone wrong
Ill-Public797 − Brother, I mean this in every way possible…..d**p her and run for the hills. She’s still screwing him or is contemplating on it. At the very least that particular chapter between them is still partially open.
The fact she lied to you about how far they went means she wants to be sure you are never suspicious enough of their friendship to ever watch for signs of foul play between them. Protect your sanity and distance yourself.
lilaloluuuuu − Don’t let her make you feel like you’re the problem and focus on what matters: she lied to you! She’s the AH.
Ok_Historian_646 − NTA! NTA for blowing up (she lied) and NTA for setting boundaries! She created this mess and OP reacted. At this point it is obvious that your GF cannot be trusted and I wonder if there is more going on with her and these exes.
_sugrub − I feel like most of the comments here are from guys. As a girl I’d like to give my input. The fact that she hangs out with this dude and invited you to his house party makes me very worried.
They have dated before and she probably still has a thing for this guy, because if they weren’t compatible at all the relationship wouldn’t stand not even as a friendship. The fact that their relationship was/is so noticeable for their friends to make comments means they are confused FOR YOU.
Like why would you be at the house of the guy this girl dated and still hangs out with if you’re her bf? I think your relationship isn’t built in honesty and I think there’s a big chance this girl still wants attention from the other guy due to underlying feelings.
This isn’t a healthy relationship and from how the conversation played out with you apologizing and she didn’t apologize I’d say it’s best to break up. I know there are some girls that just build an army of men that desires her and that’s how they feed their ego, and this seems to be the case. Run.
justthoughtidcheck − It’s time for you to look for someone else. Move on from this woman because she will sleep around on you if she’s not already doing so
kingjohnbigboote − Always remember. She didn’t come clean because she wanted to. She only admitted to the lie because she got caught.. NTA
Should the man request that his girlfriend limit contact with her friend, or is that crossing a line? Share your thoughts below!
