AITA for yelling at my sister for putting her phone on DND and leaving her 1st grader at school without picking him up?

A Redditor recounts a frustrating incident where their 7-year-old nephew was left at school for 40 minutes after dismissal, and no one on his emergency contact list could be reached because the parents had their phones on “Do Not Disturb” while napping.

When the Redditor stepped in to pick up the child and later confronted their sister about the situation, the sister defended her actions, accused the Redditor of overreacting, and even threatened to remove them from the emergency contact list. The Redditor is left questioning whether their anger was justified. Read the full story below to understand this family conflict.

‘ AITA for yelling at my sister for putting her phone on DND and leaving her 1st grader at school without picking him up?’

Today at 4 PM, my nephew’s elementary school called me. He’s 7 years old and in 1st grade. He had been left at school for about 40 minutes after dismissal, and the office said they couldn’t reach anyone on his emergency contact list. They asked if I could get in touch with his parents—my sister and her husband.

I tried calling both of them, but their phones were on “Do Not Disturb.” The calls would ring once and go straight to voicemail, which was odd because their phones should usually ring a few times before going to voicemail. Since neither of them was reachable, I got concerned and decided to go pick up my nephew myself.

While I was on my way, I kept trying to call my sister. She finally called me back about 90 minutes after when the school first tried to reach her, saying she and her husband had just been napping. I was furious. It felt incredibly irresponsible for them to leave their child stranded at school and silence their phones, especially as parents of a young child and a toddler.

Her excuse was that her husband had asked his grandparents to pick up my nephew, but there was a “miscommunication.” I told her that even if that was the plan, she shouldn’t have put her phone on “Do Not Disturb,” because emergencies like this can happen.

Her response shocked me—she said she likes putting her phone on “Do Not Disturb” during naps and, if I was going to react this way, she would remove me from my nephew’s emergency contact list. She also added that I was the last contact on the list anyway because her in-laws (the grandparents) were listed first.

She then accused me of overreacting, saying that “normal people” wouldn’t get angry about something like this. She even mentioned that she’s made a lot of new friends this year and now understands how “normal” people act. I found this insulting because I was the only one responsible enough to answer the school’s call and make sure her child was safe.

She continued justifying herself, saying it’s normal for people not to answer their phones if they’re busy, at work, or in meetings. She insisted that having her phone on “Do Not Disturb” was necessary because she naps with her toddler and needs complete silence. By the end of the conversation, she tried to make me feel like I was in the wrong for being upset. She said I had a right to be concerned but no right to be angry or yell at her.

She then added that she doesn’t like spending time with family because “there’s always an argument” when she talks to us. This left me completely baffled. Instead of showing any gratitude for my help, she threw backhanded insults at me, even though I was the one who ensured her child’s safety. Her reaction made me question whether I was wrong to be upset, but I still feel her behavior was irresponsible and ungrateful.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Tdluxon −  NTA. Your sister is totally irresponsible and the fact that she won’t even own up to it is further proof of her irresponsibility. She should be apologizing and thanking you. As a fairly recent parent, I can tell you that the days of DND end when you have a child… that is a responsibility bigger than yourself and there is no room for “miscommunication” or excuses.

And as far as her in-laws being on your nephews contact list… the school COULD NOT REACH THEM! So she’s going to put her reliance on the people that couldn’t be reached while her son was waiting outside alone. The same people whose “miscommunication” was the reason that he didn’t get picked up (if that’s even true, sounds like BS). That’s pretty damn stupid.

I’d make sure that your nephew has your number and keeps it with him so he can at least call you next time something stupid like this happens.

ConfidentChapter2496 −  NTA. Why do I know that? Because I was once in your nephew’s place. My dad’s coworker and friend was meant to pick me up from school one day (my sister was at camp, I was too young to catch the bus and stay home/walk to dad’s work alone and both my parents were busy).

At first, I was fine with him being late. Just a little more time to play right? But as time went on, I started to get scared. What if something happened to him? What if he couldn’t pick me up and had messaged my parents and something had happened to them? Was I forgotten? Was I going to have to stay at school for hours?

I went to the office and they called so he rushed over (he had caught up with some things and I slipped from his mind), and apologized a bunch before taking me to get a treat.

I don’t think enough people realise just how terrifying this can be for a child. I don’t know if it upset your nephew but as a young child, I was terrified and upset because everyone had gone home and I was left there. It was bad enough it being a family friend but if my actual parents had done that? I’d have felt even worse or possibly even unloved.

minniequipperton −  As a DND warrior, I understand not wanting to be disturbed during naps, or ever! But there adjustments you can make, so that you can be reached in case of an emergency. If the same person calls twice back to back, then the second call will go through, and the phone will ring. In fact, I’m pretty sure that is the default setting.

There’s also an option for you to create a a list of specific contacts who’s calls will come through even if your phone is on DND. The school’s number should be saved and on that list. You sister can have her peace and still be responsible, she’s simply refusing to. And instead of being a good parent, she’s lashing out at you.. NTA.

jsbleez −  NTA, because even if your last on the list that means they also called the grandparents and they didnt answer. i would advise your sister that she working her way to CPS case for knowingly making herself unavailable for her minor child. she can tell you youre over reacting but i would love to see her say that to the police her child has been turned over to after she chose a nap instead of picking him up.

CommunityDefiant4292 −  NTA . I’ve Do Not Disturb mode . It on all day . BUT . I also have EMERGENCY BYPASS…. For at least a dozen people. (My husband, my children, my SILs, FIL, Mom & Dad, my nephew, some of my daughter’s friends ( they go out together) …we used to have the schools on there too. So maybe it is time for your Sister and BIL to learn how to use a phone! 

RestingWTFface −  I used to be an elementary school secretary. The amount of times we had kids get left and the parents were unreachable was ridiculous (we were a poverty district, and many of the parents didn’t work and lived within walking distance).

School is not a free babysitter, and if the school has called every emergency contact and can only reach the last one listed, that’s a problem. In my old district, if no one came within 60 minutes, we made one more call – to the police department.

Rohini_rambles −  Please talk to your nephew and see if everything is okay at home. Her reaction is abnormal. It’s almost like she wanted to pretend she didn’t have a kid…

Creative-Fan-7599 −  NTA. My son is in first grade, and about a month ago I got caught in a standstill traffic jam over an accident on the way to get him from school. We are in a rural area and I had no cell service, so I couldn’t get a call through to the school to tell them to have him ride the bus home to his dads house.

On top of that, I was 99.9 sure that the only person aside from me or his dad (who doesn’t drive) that is in our area and on his contact list would be in the same traffic jam as me because of her work schedule. I was less than ten minutes late to pick him up. Ten minutes, and after I got out of the area where I had no reception, I called the school and explained.

When I got there, the look on his face made me feel so bad for being even that tiny bit late. The entire way there all I could think about was knowing that he was going to think I forgot him or think something happened to me and I was worried about causing him stress.

Kids that age are very big on routines and it is so important to them to be able to depend on the adults in their lives to keep those routines running smoothly. Mommy not showing up to get you is scary when you’re seven. I can’t imagine what your poor nephew had going through his head sitting there for that long and that’s without a phone call.

And none of that even touches on the disrespect it shows to the staff at his school, like how is it fair that they had to sit there and wait and wonder with a probably frightened child because mommy wanted to nap with do not disturb on?

It doesn’t touch on the fact that it’s her job to make sure she gets him from school and the last thing she needs in her life is somebody calling CPS on her for neglecting to show up or call when she was supposed to be there. You did the right thing, all I can hope is that your sister really does know that she was wrong, but is the type of person who won’t admit that to other people.

Ireland1169 −  NTA. Ask to be taken off the school contact as you are surplus to requirement, she has her IL’s after all. The school will call the police if they cannot contact anyone to take charge of the child after school hours.

GothPenguin −  NTA-Phones on DND is not a luxury you have when it’s your child’s school trying to get ahold of you.