AITA for yelling at my mother for asking people to pray for me?

A Reddit user recounted a tense holiday moment after discovering their mother had told extended family and friends about their unemployment and asked them to pray for the user’s job hunt. Feeling embarrassed and hurt, they confronted their mom, only for the conversation to escalate into a heated exchange. Read the full story below to explore their dilemma.

‘ AITA for yelling at my mother for asking people to pray for me?’

I (F27) went to visit my parents (F62 and M66) for Christmas this year, like I do every year. I work in film, and am currently out of work, like most of the industry. I am applying for jobs almost every day, am on unemployment, and am struggling to find work – even work outside of the industry. Because of this, it’s been a big stressor, and is kind of embarrassing to me, as I pride myself in working hard. I relayed this to my mom, keeping her updated on the job hunt each week when she asks, and told her that not having a job was hard on me.

A few weeks ago, I received a message from a family member, telling me they are praying for me as I find the right job and that they’re sorry about the situation. I thanked them, not thinking much of it.

I came to my parent’s house today to celebrate the holiday, and she had cards from a Christmas party for me from a lot of extended relatives. Nice, right? Well, almost all of them mentioned something about “praying for your job hunt” and “hope you find the right one”. Some included advice on finding a job, like going to a place in person and insisting on speaking to a manager about the job. I got quiet as I opened each card, and mom asked what was wrong.

I told her it didn’t feel good that she was telling people that I was unemployed, as it hurt being reminded each day that I am failing to find the right job. I told her I appreciated the prayers, but really would rather it stay between us that I don’t have work, explaining my feelings.

Mom blew up on me, telling me that “it’s all in my head”. She said people were being nice to pray for me, and that she didn’t understand why I was upset. She said I’m making something out it nothing. I started to cry, telling her that I am working my ass off to find the right job, and I felt like I was failing at life, and struggling hard.

I asked if she could stop telling people my employment status, maybe she could tell people that she had an unspoken prayer request, and she said she didn’t see a problem, so no. She also added that I would have a job if I were in church. So, AITA for getting mad at my mom for telling her friends and family to pray for me?

See what others had to share with OP:

twelvedayslate −  NTA. It is REALLY not your mom’s place to tell others you’re unemployed. She also added that I would have a job if I were in church. I’d tell her you haven’t seen God hosting any job fairs lately.

JustheBean −  NTA. All you did was politely express your disappointment that these things had not been kept private. That is just communicating. Her losing it and yelling at you was completely unreasonable. It seems more like she couldn’t cope with the idea of doing something wrong (which seems to be all she took from what you said), and treated that discomfort as an attack. But you didn’t attack her. And she *did* fail to respect your privacy. You did literally nothing wrong here OP. And best of luck, the job market is brutal out there, so know it’s not just you!

20thCent-LibraryCard −  NTA In my opinion, a prayer request can be a form of gossip. It is one thing if your mom wants to pray for your job search, it is different when it becomes part of the group discussion.

Tally0987654321 −  NTA But I’m not sure you’ll ever get Mom to understand. My grandma was that way and thought sharing with family was fine, because we all “support” each other. My uncle told her once to ask everyone to pray for him to cure his syphilis. She flipped out, and he laughed and told her every time she shared his personal business he was going to ask the family for his syphilis prayers. She would make s**tty comments that she wasn’t allowed to “discuss it” when her sisters asked, but she learned to keep stuff private.

prevknamy −  NTA. Asking for prayers is nothing more than a way to spread gossip. Offering prayers is a way to look like you care without actually doing anything. Disregarding your wishes and intentionally hurting you is disrespectful and against whatever religion she claims to be.

Jerseygirl2468 −  NTA she broadcasted your difficult times to everyone she knows. That’s so unfair, I’m sorry. I hope she comes to understand why you are upset. Having people think of you/pray for you is nice, but not to the extent that she did. Yikes. Hope something good comes along for you soon.

buggybugoot −  Y’all put up with way too much. I have no safety net in family, granted, but lemme tell you how smooth my existence is now that I am not putting up with crap from these out of touch, religious f**k faces masquerading as people who give an actual f**k about you. Just my two cents.

elsie78 −  NTA. Your mom just told you she won’t respect your privacy. Therefore, mom doesn’t get to know everything in your life now. You only disclose what you’re okay with other people hearing about. If she asks about the job search you tell her “I’m not talking about this with you”and move on. Rinse, repeat, end call.

CommercialSad555 −  NTA. And don’t beat yourself up about not having a job. I’ve been unemployed since April; It’s a really tough job market (I’m in a different industry, but it’s tough all around). You’re not failing at life (I have to keep reminding myself of that too). It sounds like you are busting your b**t and that’s really all you can do. They mean well, it’s just hard to keep being reminded of it. And it’s really none of their business.

lmmontes −  NTA…it can be rough out there! And hope you aren’t in an area where, unfortunately, people DO judge you for things like participating in a/their religion.