AITA for withholding my baby after she was snatched from my arms?

A Reddit user shared a distressing story about a family holiday gathering where her MIL’s husband crossed a boundary by grabbing her baby out of her arms without permission.

Combined with past conflicts, this incident left her feeling unsafe and unwilling to attend future family events. The user is now questioning whether her decision to avoid the holidays with her in-laws is justified or overly sensitive. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for withholding my baby after she was snatched from my arms?’

I (32f) just had my first baby 3 months ago. My MIL’s new husband Bobby has been in the picture about 7 years, and he struggles with boundaries. He isn’t a “bad guy”, but nobody holds him accountable for uncomfortable or immature behavior, and folks are quick to say that he just doesn’t know better despite the fact that he’s in his 60s.

There’s many instances of “ick” that contribute to why I feel uncomfortable with Bobby, but the biggest instance is when my husband and I wrote an email to all our family members listing the vaccines we required everyone to have if they want to be around the baby.

Despite the email coming from my husband on behalf of us both, Bobby sent me a direct and email about how terrible I was to make him get vaccines. It was unhinged and emotional and snide. He’s on a ton of hormonal meds for cancer, and my MIL implored us to forgive and move on because it’s the treatment making him act out.

The whole thing escalated and my husband confronted him, he kind of apologized, and did in fact get the basic shots to keep baby safe (and to be clear- his aversion to getting vaccines had nothing to do with his illness). Bobby sneered at me and acted wounded for months at family events— it’s been really awkward.

Fast forward to this week— we took baby over to MILs house for Thanksgiving pie. I do love my MIL and have been grateful for her help with baby, and usually make the decision to just ignore Bobby for her sake. But after months of receiving side eye from Bobby, he was very pleasant.

I was holding baby by the Christmas tree and *SNATCH* he just grabbed the baby out of my arms, uninvited and unprompted. I was stunned. Nobody saw it and I just felt so blindsighted. In hindsight I should have yelled at him to give me back my baby, but in that moment I was slow to react and trying to juggle all the dynamics.

He held the baby for about 5 minutes, then gave her back when she pooped. I cried in the car home and my husband was furious when I told him. He texted his mom, who said she understood this wasn’t okay, but I genuinely don’t think I can go back over there for Christmas.

I would be so paranoid that my baby would be grabbed at any moment. My husband is on my side, but deeply hurting. He texted my MIL about the snatching. MIL says she understands, but I just don’t think that’s enough.

I texted my SIL who said that Bobby means well and probably thinks he was helping by taking the baby (??) and I should just tell him I didn’t like that. But after the vaccine blow up, I would rather just opt out of family events.

AITA for telling my husband we aren’t going back over to his family’s home for the holidays? I know I can be sensitive, so I’m really trying to be level about this, but I can’t shake the feeling that this was intentional.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Professional-Fact157 −  I don’t get it … they aren’t just treating him like he doesn’t know better. They are treatinghim like he has the capacity of a child and can’t be held to the same standards as an adult. Is there a real issue limiting his capacity to understand what he is doing wrong?

CraftQuitter −  Additional info because I’m getting some spicy messages: The vaccine list was for anyone who wanted to spend time with the baby. If folks don’t want to get basic shots, that’s their choice, but then they can’t be around the tiny baby. Very upfront and direct boundary.

RJack151 −  NTA. Tell MIL that you will not be visiting her for Christmas because of his actions.

Lucky-Guess8786 −  Of course it was intentional. And he’s banking on everyone not making it an issue. Do you use a baby wrap at all? Maybe keep baby wrapped up when you do go visit? At least until baby is old enough to say, “No!” to the crazy man invading their space.

Otherwise, I think it would be perfectly fine to say that you won’t be going over for baby’s first Christmas. You can invite people over for a cocktail, say between 1-3, but that’s it.

I will gently suggest that if hubs wants to go over for a short visit, he should go. Maybe he can time it for when you and baby have a short nap in the afternoon? Whatever you decide, NTA.

FaraSha_Au −  No. You shouldn’t have been placed in such a situation. Hugs.

KiWi_Nugget868 −  With it being rsv, covid and flu season. Do NOT go back over there. And if they ask why say that and they Bobby has no f**king respect for you as a mom or that baby. He’s 60. Not 10. He knows better and does the s**t cause no one will put his ass in his place

throwaway-rayray −  NTA – he sucks, no doubt. However, you didn’t stand up for yourself over the email, and you didn’t say something when he snatched your child. You’re complaining after the fact to your husband and unilaterally deciding he can’t go to his mother’s home with his child.

That requires more discussion and you actually do need to step up and say something when these things occur. You’re contributing to the coddling of this guy too, because you’re talking to MIL about his behaviour like he’s a child she’s responsible for.

Bigballsmallstretchb −  Why are yall texting MIL? Text Bobby, wtf. She’s not his mother, he’s a grown ass man and he should be treated as such. Your problem isn’t with her, it’s with him. He shouldn’t have snatched the baby, he sounds like a poor excuse for a man tbh. What a weirdo.

Don’t let this ruin your Christmas with the family tho. Just stand your ground and hold better boundaries. DONT FORGET TO STICK UP FOR YOURSELF WHEN STUFF HAPPENS. Not after.

Resident_Warthog4711 −  I remember when my aunt had cancer. She’d beat my cousin with a cane and people would tell her it was because of the treatment. F**k him and his treatment. Next time he snatches your baby, get physical if you have to. Press charges against him. Get a restraining order. Whatever you have to do. 

TheSirensMaiden −  NTA. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating the holidays in your own home. You have two options here: – invite MIL, and *only* MIL, to your home if she wants time with the baby.

– stop attending any and all functions where Bobby will be in attendance. If they lie and say he won’t but he’s there when you arrive, immediately turn on your heel and leave.

You could even do both of these options if you want 🤷‍♀️ ***No one has the right to ever snatch your child from your arms, not for any reason, unless you’re about to faint and drop the baby***. Your boundaries as an autonomous human and **a mother** were violated.

No manner of apologies will ever be enough for what he did. You are not required to put up with his BS and your husband needs to start calling Bobby out. Every time. **Loudly**. In the mean time, don’t force yourself to go anywhere that makes you uncomfortable.

Personally, I wouldn’t tell my husband “you can’t visit” just that *I* wouldn’t be going with him. I’m no fan of my in-laws and currently do not attend their events. My husband knows he’s free to visit if he really wants to see them, and sometimes he will for an hour or two,

but he also stands up for me when they p**s all over our boundaries and understands why I refuse to see them.  **Also, side note**: Bobby didn’t take the baby to be helpful, else he would’ve offered to change the diaper instead of dumping it on you when he was done with his stunt. Call that BS out *loud and clear*.

Was the Redditor right to draw a firm boundary after this incident to protect her baby, or should she attempt to address the issue directly for the sake of family harmony? How would you handle a situation where boundaries are repeatedly crossed in sensitive circumstances? Share your thoughts and advice below!