AITA For Wearing Shorts and a T-Shirt to a Kindergarten Graduation?
A Redditor shared a story about a disagreement with his partner over what to wear to their daughter’s kindergarten graduation. He opted for shorts and a t-shirt, feeling that a more formal outfit was unnecessary for the event, but his partner felt it was important for family photos and to match the occasion. Read the full story below to see if you think he was in the wrong.
‘ AITA For Wearing Shorts and a T-Shirt to a Kindergarten Graduation?’
I (38) was about to leave to drop our daughter (6, call her Betsy) off at school, her kindergarten graduation (it’s really a promotion ceremony, but they’re calling it a graduation, semantics) was later that morning. I was going to have to wait at school for about an hour in between drop off and the ceremony because it didn’t make sense to come home.
I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. As I was about to get out the door, my partner (41, we’ll use the name Kelly) said “oh, are you coming back?” I said “no, I’m staying there, it doesn’t make sense to come back.” Kelly said “That’s what you’re wearing? I’d rather that you wear a collared shirt.
The shorts are ok I guess, but we’re going to be taking pictures and I want you to wear a collared shirt.” I said “it’s a kindergarten graduation, not a high school one.” There is no dress code imposed on the event.
Kelly made another snippy comment and I decided to grab a collared quarter zip, so I put that on and came back downstairs to take Betsy to school. As I came back downstairs, Kelly kept hounding me, said “there are going to be people there in suits and ties, is that really what you were going to wear?” I didn’t really know how to respond so I just said “OK”.
I prefer shorts and a t-shirt because that’s what I’m most comfortable in (Kelly insists I’m autistic, a blend of Sheldon Cooper and Adrian Monk) but I’ve never been evaluated, maybe it’s a texture thing?).
I understand there are certain events (high school graduations, weddings, recitals, etc) that require slacks and a nice shirt at a minimum, and I follow suit when needed, I just don’t think a kindergarten graduation meets that threshold.
Kelly is furious with me and has been snapping at me since. This is not the first time that this type of conflict has taken place. We go to couples therapy and this will be a discussion topic next time, but I just want to pulse the community, AITA here?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Prudent_Fold190 − I don’t think this situation is severe enough to use the word AH for anyone, but…I think you could have been less casual about an event that meant a lot to your partner. I’m the note of the texture issue, maybe a solution for the future is for you find dressier clothing that is softer/more comfortable.
I know Lululemon has very soft dress shirts, I’m sure there are other brands similar. You could also wear an undershirt so the fabric isn’t directly on your skin. Maybe a way to repair from the argument is to ask your partner to go shopping with you to find a good compromise outfit.
Artistic_Tough5005 − NTA. The whole idea of suits and ties for a kindergarten promotion ceremony is beyond ridiculous!
lihzee − YTA. How hard would it have been to dress a bit nicer for some photos to make your partner happy?
MmeSkyeSaltfey − YTA. Ignore the dress code – your partner and mother of your child asked you to wear something nice so you could take cute family photos together. Regardless of what the event was, it’s not a difficult request. I’ve asked partners to dress up for NO particular reason besides wanting us to look nice for a date and they’ve done it with no hesitation.
Longjumping-Lab-1916 − I suspect there is a lot more behind this than you’re saying or maybe more than you understand. Are you a serial offender when it comes to dress? It sounds like you prefer to live in t-shirts and shorts and maybe your partner would prefer you didn’t but goes along with it most of the time.
And then along comes a time when she’d *really* like you to dress more in line with what the majority are wearing, and it turns into an argument.
I know the area where my kids were raised was inhabited about 96% by professionals who wear suits and ties to work.
A kindergarten graduation would be the first stop on the way to work so most dads would attend in their business attire. Someone in shorts and a tshirt would totally stand out. I know some people, more often men, balk at dressing up and frankly see it as thumbing their nose at the “establishment “. Is that you? Are you trying to make a point with your dress? Be honest.
Perhaps your wife is insecure and feels like a black sheep amongst the other parents and you dressing differently and very casually feels like she’s carrying a big red flag. Deal with this in therapy – get to the bottom of it because it’s not about a tshirt. Sometimes we do things we wouldn’t normally do, just for our partners because it makes them happy.. I’m not sure you get that.
fridaymourning37 − When I was a kid, my older cousin’s family would sometimes come to our school events like school plays and concerts and whatnot. And they always dressed in jean shorts and nascar tee shirts. Every time, I was embarrassed to take pictures with them.
I couldn’t say anything because not my immediate family, but my family dressed nice (not full on suits, but collared shirts and dresses/skirts) and theirs just did not care at all so half of the photos we took were never seen again.
Maybe there’s not a dress code for thing like this, but it took like no effort at all for us to dress nicely for mine and my siblings’ special occasions, and that’s like one of those unwritten social rules that’s super easy to go along with. All that aside, she’s definitely asked you to be conscious of this before, and you’ve ignored her again, so I understand her frustrations on that alone. YTA
HarryJohnson3 − I’m having trouble with your thought process here. You’re irritating your wife and causing an argument for…. not want wanting to change shirts? Like is it more effort to change shirts or argue with the wife? Why not just change your shirt? I’m not going to call you an a**hole I’m just curious why you’re doing this to yourself.
SeethingHeathen − NTA. Maybe I’m biased, because I’m sitting here waiting for my daughter’s middle school awards ceremony to start, and I’m in a Buc-ee’s hoodie and jeans. I am not underdressed. No one here is dressed up.
JJQuantum − YTA because it’s such a little thing to do to make her happy. You’re also going to extremes. There are several stages of dress between shorts and a tee and a suit. Yeah, kindergarten “graduation” is honestly not really a thing but put on a polo and make your partner happy for crying out loud.
lovelylotuseater − YTA. Nobody wears dressy clothing because it’s comfortable. You aren’t the most special and unique boy in the world because you find a t-shirt more comfortable than a button down. We ALL feel that way. People in your life understand when you’ve put extra effort into them, and your soon to be first grader is the same way.
Keep downplaying how your kid’s milestones aren’t important to you or worth a modicum of effort, and one day you’ll find you aren’t invited to them anymore, and one day your kid will be grown and all her memories will be about how mom supported her, not how her parents supported her. You’ll just be that guy who lives at mom’s house.
Do you think the Redditor’s choice was appropriate for a kindergarten graduation, or should he have met his partner’s request for a more formal look? How would you balance comfort and appearance expectations for similar events? Share your thoughts below!