AITA for “weaponizing my femininity” by crying since the teacher wouldn’t stop another student harassing me?

A Reddit user shared a personal story about facing bullying at school due to their family structure. After enduring homophobic remarks from a classmate named Duncan, despite involving a teacher who dismissed the situation, the Redditor decided to take matters into their own hands. Their emotional reaction led to a confrontation, resulting in the boy’s suspension and a tense exchange with the teacher. The Redditor now questions whether their actions were justified or if they overreacted. Read the full story below to learn more.

‘ AITA for “weaponizing my femininity” by crying since the teacher wouldn’t stop another student harassing me?’

For a little backstory, I (15f) lost my mom when I was 5, dad raised me alone until last year when my second dad, whom I call papa, moved to our home. Now we are a happy family of four (me, two dads and dog). I’m not ashamed of my family so I never hid it, I’m not really popular at school so I just really told my friends and it was all good. Until about two months ago a boy I’ll call Duncan (15m) found out.

Duncan started simple with jokes like “wow which one of them is the mom?” Which I promptly told the teacher, Mr.Smith, who was like “He’s just trying to understand, if you want people to understand you have to be patient”. Duncan started to escalate with “Enjoy your time here, it’ll get worse when your sinner family goes to hell” and again I went to Mr.Smith who again was “You can’t be prejudiced with his religion, it’s wrong in the Bible. He’s is just trying to understand.”

In my country every class has only one responsible teacher so I couldn’t go to another btw. I have many examples but this paints the picture. After two months of that I realized that if I wanted him to stop I had to do it myself. So when he started with his h**ophobic s**t at the cafeteria I started to remember the saddest thing I could, all movies where the dog dies. All the sad romance movies. Mufasas’ Death. The Fox and The Hound.

It didn’t take long for the waterworks to come. I started to bawl. Ugly sobbing while basically screaming at him asking why he said I would go to hell, why he hated me and my dads. Just making a huge scene. Duncan started to stutter and plead, trying to make me go to class with him and talk to the teacher (wonder why). I just cried louder and flinched when he tried to pull me away.

The scene was so huge that we ended up at the principals office. Ms.Yates listened to both sides and she was pissed at Mr. Smith, she let me tell the whole story even when Mr. Smith tried to interrupt me to defend Duncan. At the end Duncan got a 5 day suspension and the principal told me to go directly to her if ANYTHING like that happens again.

When we left the office Mr.Smith stoped me and told me “I hope you’re happy. You put a permanent mark on a good boy’s record because you decided to weaponize your femininity instead of being a little understanding.” He tried to make me apologize to Duncan but I told him I would go right back to the principals office if he did and he dropped it.

Then later Duncan’s friends started messaging me accusing me of acting like amber heard and ruining a boys life just because I can. I didn’t tell my parents yet because they are always afraid I’ll suffer because they choose to love each other and I’ll not bring anything I can handle to worry them. I don’t feel like I’m wrong, but with Mr.Smith’s warning and Duncan’s friends I’m starting to doubt , so AITA?.

FINAL EDIT AND UPDATE: Mods told me to update here so the post is quite long, sorry! First I’d like to thank you guys for opening my eyes to how bad the situation was and how it could get worse, and how I was hurting my dads by not letting them protect me like I want to protect them. Now to the update: Sunday I sat my dads down and told them everything, I was crying a bit in the end since while telling them I realized how heavy it felt to be carrying all this.

Sunday was the first time I saw the angry side of Adam (will just use names since the nickname I use in my language clash with English), not at me like but at Mr.Smith. He saw red but the first thing was reassure me I was not in trouble and would never be for fighting against bullies. Dad didn’t talk much, he seemed so sad and shocked just holding my hand, but Adam talked more than I ever heard about his past. About bullying from teachers, students , church and even family.

He told me about how cruel the world can be to who is different, how people will try to silent me and minimize my anger and my suffering and to never back down, that I will always have my family behind me. He thanked me for loving them so much that I was willing to fight for them, but told me I was the child here, his child that he never imagined he could have and that he would protect me.

I didn’t realize how much he loved me. I knew he liked me, he is my family, but I felt just as loved as when dad tells me he loves me. It was a very nice and warm feeling. Adam and Dad went to school with me on Monday, straight to Ms.Yates office and told her everything; about the texts (I had them all on my WhatsApp), about Mr.Smith and I explained the bullying in more details.

Their conversation was long and after I gave all the info I could, I was asked to leave to class while they talked and only knew the result when I came back home. My dads gave Ms.Yates two choices: She removes Mr.Smith from teaching and do a seminar with the teachers about bullying and LGBT causes that my dads are willing to pay for. Or they remove me from the school, sue the school and go to the local newspaper with the story.

She choose the first option but asked for a month to find another teacher. Meanwhile she will monitor my class closely and Mr.Smith won’t be allowed to penalize my grades like some you guys feared. Apparently Adam has a bit more experience dealing with this s**t than I knew.

But he also explained to me about privilege and that talking worked so well this time because this is a private school that worries about money and reputation and we have enough money to fight, pay for a lawyer and sue. He told me that many of children from public schools, like his childhood, have to suffer in silence because they don’t have the support we got this time.

So, nothing really extraordinary, it all went like many of you guys predicted: Duncan will keep being my classmate but at least Mr.Smith won’t bully any more of us, he was the real a**hole in the situation. Also my Papa is awesome and a badass.

Check out how the community responded:

Actual_Emergency_666 −  NTA. Go back to the principal and tell your dads. This counts as harassment and an unsafe environment and your parents need to immediately start working with the school board to stop it.

[Reddit User] −  NTA talk to your parents and try to get them to switch you into another class. Your teacher shouldn’t be teaching.

PleiadesH −  You’re not the a**hole. Duncan is discovering that Actions have consequences.

rishcast −  NTA. Go back to the principal and let her know what your teacher said, as well as what Duncan’s friends are messaging you about. I know you don’t want to get your parents involved, but I’d also suggest you do that. As it stands, you can’t approach Mr. Smith for non-homophobia related issues right now as well, because I wouldn’t trust him to do anything. Speak to your principal, and ask if you can be switched to another class..

I should note: The principal told me to go directly to her if ANYTHING like that happens again. It already has. Your teacher’s comments were unacceptable, and Duncan’s friends are being horrific. Going to her would simply be doing as she asked you to.

UnluckyDreamer1 −  NTA. Duncan is a h**ophobic j**k who weaponized your teacher against you to get his way. Mr Smith is a h**ophobic and s*xist j**k who thinks women should just let guys harass them because insert stupid excuse here. I hate that we are not allowed to cry because it is ‘weaponizing femininity’ or we are being ‘hormonal’, ‘p**cho’ or ‘unreasonable’. Women aren’t allowed emotions because it might make men feel bad and it sucks.

IamtheREDACTED −  NTA. Your teacher is as much of a bully as that Duncan. He’s also a misogynist. Seeing how the principal already supported you, you could report Mr Smith for those comments, he really shouldn’t be teaching.
Edit: if you do, and there are consequences for him, also not your fault at all, don’t feel bad.

[Reddit User] −  NTA by a long shot. Duncan was wrong and should have been reported long ago. Duncan’s friends are harassing you. You need to take the principal up on her offer and report them. Mr. Smith was also way out of line, and he probably should also be reported for his remarks after meeting in Ms. Yates’s office. He should never have approached you like that.

His remarks show me that he is probably s*xist and probably shouldn’t be teaching. I highly doubt you are the first girl to suffer in his class. You also need to bring in your parents. I know you want to spare them, but they are adults, and it is their job to protect you, not the other way around.

ErnestBatchelder −  NTA, your teacher is an incompetent and a misogynist. What you did was get a bully to back off, and I’m actually very impressed with your methodology- had you fought, yelled or insulted Duncan back I guarantee you, you both would have been called in and you would have been suspended too. For the record, Duncan is not a “good boy” and he earned his own mark on his record for being a h**ophobic entitled little shite. Tell your dads what is going on, though.

OptmusJonzz −  NTA he’s a bully and a homophobe who uses his religion as an excuse to be cruel. Mr. Smith sounds like an AH. He probably agrees with Duncan. You had a brilliant solution. If his life is ruined because he wa suspended for five days, then maybe he should STFU and mind his own business.

BecausePancakess −  NTA. Guaranteed that teacher is “religious” (we know what that’s code word for in situations like that) too. The teacher KNOWS this student isn’t trying to understand. Its an excuse for hate.