AITA for wanting to tell my husbands parents he got laid off?

A Reddit user shares a dilemma involving her husband, who was laid off but kept it hidden from her for weeks, even though they have a newborn. As she prepares to return to work, the husband insists on keeping the layoff a secret from his parents, but she feels uncomfortable lying. She wonders if she’s wrong for wanting to tell the truth if his parents ask about their son’s daycare situation. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for wanting to tell my husbands parents he got laid off?’

I (26F) and my husband (28M) had a baby in January. Backstory is, a few weeks ago I was questioning whether my husband got laid off or not because any time I would ask him when his paternity leave was up, he would give me a different answer.

I would ask him if he got paid, and he would give me the runaround. I had enough and I just decided to be snoopy (I don’t ever look through his phone but I had enough at this point after asking him for a month basically). I ended up finding out that he did in fact get laid off, and he had known for weeks maybe a month at this point.

I was furious because we have a newborn, this is something I should have definitely known so that we can adjust our spending habits, not enroll him in daycare since he will be home. His reasoning was that he was embarrassed and he thought he would get another job before he “had to return”.

Fast forward to today, I am set to go back to work in a few days. My husband going to stay home with the baby because he still doesn’t have a job. We are going over to his parents and I ask him, “what are you going to tell your parents?

You know they are going to ask about him going to daycare” and he gets defensive saying they’re not gonna ask and if they do just don’t tell them he got fired. I feel like I’m being put in an uncomfortable position, and I’m definitely not a good l**r nor do I want to.

I feel like I understand he is embarrassed, but why should I be covering for him? This is our real life. AITA for wanting to tell his parents the truth if they ask about our son going to daycare?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

facinationstreet −  *he got fired*. Is a **WHOLE LOT** different from. *he got laid off*. Either way, his lies and secrecy are an absolute dealbreaker. You answer his parents with the truth. It *might* put his feet to the fire to step up and act like an adult.

aemondstareye −  I’m not sure why you should need to share details with his parents that he doesn’t want to share. It should be easy enough just to say “we’re still figuring it out,” or some such other vaguery, or simply force him to take the lead if the question’s asked.

You’re old enough to know how to give political answers to sensitive questions. YWBTA if you shared private information for no other reason than “it makes me uncomfortable not to.” As for him not telling you he was laid off: ***Huge red flag.*** Lying about money stuff is not OK.

Getting laid off is almost always about the company, not your performance; there’s no reason to be embarrassed. I’d sit him down for a serious talk about this and make it clear that you will have zero tolerance for financial secrets—particularly if you manage money jointly. This is an issue where you need to absolutely be on the same page.

Regular_Boot_3540 −  NTA, but just put him in the hotspot. If they ask about daycare or his job, just turn to him and say, “Well, Jacob? What’s your answer?”
BTW his not telling you about being laid off is a huge betrayal. I don’t think somebody who lied to you about something so important has the right to make demands.

ivylass −  YTA. This is not an issue with your in-laws. This is an issue with your husband and that he lied to you. Whether or not he decides to lie to his parents is not your concern. You need to figure out why he lied TO YOU.

When I got laid off the first person I told was my husband. We hugged and sat down together to figure out what to do going forward. Your husband robbed you of important information regarding your household. This needs to be fixed ASAP.

TemptingPenguin369 −  INFO: Is your husband collecting unemployment? Did he get fired or laid off (you use both terms)? Does he plan on continuing/starting a job search while providing child care?

Do you think his parents knowing that he’s not currently working—whether you tell them or he tells them—will embarrass him into redoubling his efforts to get a new job? It sounds a little like you’re trying to embarrass him by bringing his parents into this, and I’m much more alarmed that he hid something like this from you for this long.

Doenut55 −  If they ask let him answer, if he says a lie, then intervene. It’s extremely important to note that ‘*family annihilators*’ or spouses that kill their families have done so over losing their job, trying to hide it, and then being unable to find a job they rather m**der their family than tell them the truth.

It’s incredibly shameful for the ‘provider’ to lose their job at such a life-changing time in their mind. I would really push you to not be angry, but understanding. To be supportive if he’s telling the truth. And encourage him to tell the truth.

You should not go out of your way to tell his parents, but if he lies then call him out. Make it clear, losing his job isn’t the issue. You’re upset that he lied. For me, I would look into getting childcare anyways. Or staying with family. If he’s willing to lie about his job, he will easily lie about taking care of the baby properly

TarzanKitty −  I think there are 2 separate issues here. The first issue is that your husband lied to you about something major that directly impacts you. That is a huge deal and you need your get him to a marriage counselor.

The second issue is what you tell his parents. You tell them nothing. It is none of their business. You aren’t lying to them. They just aren’t e**itled to the information. You are allowed to keep things private within your marriage. That is not a lie.

Ornery-Wasabi-473 −  NTA, but don’t tell them, anyway. Instead, tell them to ask your husband because he’s forbidden you from saying anything yo ythem

justmeandmycoop −  His embarrassment trumps everyone else. That’s not a good look. 🚩

Performance_Lanky −  NTA I would suggest that if his parents ask you directly if he got fired, that you refer them to him.

Do you think the Redditor is justified in wanting to be honest about her husband’s job loss, or should she respect his wish to keep it private for now? How would you handle this situation in your relationship? Share your thoughts below!