AITA for wanting to take my gf and her kids on a road trip instead of my niece?
A 36-year-old man faces backlash for deciding to take his girlfriend and her children on his annual road trip instead of his niece, Kate, who has been his travel companion for years.
Although he wants to foster a closer relationship with his girlfriend’s kids, Kate feels hurt and betrayed, as this trip was meant to be special before she heads off to university.
With family divided on the issue, he’s left questioning whether he’s being unreasonable in prioritizing his new family over his niece—follow the story below for more details on this family dynamic.
‘AITA for wanting to take my gf and her kids on a road trip instead of my niece?’
I (36M) have a niece Kate (18F) whose bio dad isn’t in her life. While my older sister was pregnant he ran off and we haven’t heard from him since then. So me and my dad have been the main father figures in her life.
Since I was college I’ve been taking annual road trips during the summer, first with friends, then alone then with Kate and my sister. It’s nothing extravagant, just a weekend or week getaway from our city to visit different places in my state and the surrounding one.
When Kate was 10 I brought her and my sister with me and then just Kate when she was 12 or 13. I love having her with me, my little travel buddy, and we’ve made a lot of great memories together. Since the pandemic we lost out on a few years but started going again last year.
Kate’s graduating high school and wants to make this year special so she already made a list of places to visit and do things, most of them we’ve already done so not much new.The problem is I want to take my gf and her kids this year instead.
We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and I can confidently say she’s the woman I want to spend my life with. She also has 2 kids (9F and 7M) and I love them to bits. Their dad isn’t super involved so they’ve gotten attached to me and I’m excited to be their stepdad one day.
So I thought this trip would be a great way for us to bond and for me to share a tradition they’ll love. I considered taking Kate with me but decided against it since I want this to be a chance for me to grow closer with my future family and things will be awkward since Kate doesn’t know them well.
I told my gf my plans and she’s on board.Obviously I knew Kate was going to be upset so a few days ago we met up and I gently explained things are going to be different this year. As expected she was upset and angry. She said she wanted to spend time with me and this years trip special before she leaves for university.
I explained I wanted to use this years trip to get closer with my gf’s kids and I’ll take her later in the year to wherever she wants to go when we both have time. She felt it wouldn’t be the same and said it’s “our” tradition but I don’t see it that way. It’s mine and while I love having her with me, she’s just tagging along (which I didn’t say directly).
Our talk didn’t end well and she’s been ignoring my calls and texts. I hoped she’d be understanding since she’s an adult now but I’ve been completely shut out.
My parents are calling me an AH and think I should switch plans, take Kate for my annual trip and take my gf and kids later.
My sister and her husband are more understanding but agree with my parents since Kate’s moving away in a few months and I won’t see her as often. So far I’ve stood my ground and still plan on taking my gf and kids.
I love Kate and would do anything for her but just this one time I want to take others instead of her. So AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Aderyn-Bach says:
Why can’t the niece go with the other kids? Opportunity for everyone to get to know one another.
dontpolluteplz says:
In this situation I would prefer a separate trip. Niece might feel her trip is hijacked and weird bc she doesn’t know this other family. GF and kids might appreciate one on one time a him, too.
liandrin says:
Plus you KNOW he would 100% devote all of his time/attention to the gf and kids, defeating the purpose of the trip entirely. I can tell you that “third-wheeling” a vacation is horrible.
leftysrevenge says:
Plus they may not go where she wants to
marthajonesin says:
That would have made the most sense. I don’t think OP is an a*shole for prioritizing his soon to me family but he didn’t handle it well. Instead of replacing (this is how Kate sees it) her with his new girlfriend he just should have planned two trips and told Kate he moved their trip to a different time.
Or just taken all of them – it seems weird that if OP is that close to Kate, he would want her to get to know and meld with his soon to be family. Guys, let’s not forget that OP is by default NTA for even taking on being a father figure to his sister’s kid.
This situation underscores the challenges of balancing long-standing traditions with evolving family dynamics. Should he prioritize his niece’s feelings or embrace the opportunity to create new memories with his girlfriend’s kids? What do you think? Share your thoughts in the comments!
