AITA for Wanting My Sister-in-Law to Stop Making My Husband Pay for Their Joint Gifts to Their Mom?

A woman is frustrated that her husband’s tradition of buying joint gifts with his sister for their mom always results in him footing the bill. Despite being married and on a tight budget after their wedding and an upcoming baby, his sister, a nurse who enjoys luxury for herself, never contributes financially.

This Christmas, the husband agreed to buy expensive Lululemon clothes at his sister’s request, disregarding his wife’s input. While he acknowledges the unfairness, he dismisses her concerns as petty, citing his sister’s spoiled nature. She wonders if she’s wrong for being upset. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for Wanting My Sister-in-Law to Stop Making My Husband Pay for Their Joint Gifts to Their Mom?’

My husband and his sister have a “tradition” of buying their mom gifts together, but it always means she will pick the gifts and my husband paying for them. She never contributes a dime but the gifts are still presented as being from both of them. This tradition continues even after we’re married.

Now she will pick the gifts, my husband pays for them and the gifts are presented as being from them, me and her boyfriend. I’ve told my husband I want to be involved in gift decisions if we are paying for it;

especially we are on a tight budget, after paying for our wedding on our own (his mom and his sister by the way gave us nothing on our wedding) and expecting a baby. I also suggested his sister start contributing if the gifts are joint or she buys her own gift and we buy our own.

He agreed with me, and suggested that we buy our own gift this Christmas. I’ve been shopping for his mom’s gift for weeks, until I found out this evening that his sister just texted my husband yesterday telling him she wants to buy their mom expensive Lululemon clothes for Christmas and he agreed to it without talking to me.

I’m frustrated because this feels unfair, especially since she’s 30, makes good money as a nurse, and spends on luxury for herself but not on gifts for her own mother and brother. She doesn’t buy anything for our arriving baby either.

I asked my husband why we are always having to be the one who pay yet I don’t even have a say-so on what to buy? And why we are always the ones who buy gifts for them but they never buy us anything?

He acknowledged being taken “advantage” of but said I’m overreacting and “petty” for being upset about this; that they are his mom and his sister, and her being his “baby sister”, she has always been spoiled and he doesn’t care… So AITA to be upset over this situation?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

palaceoooh −  NTA, you guys discussed what to do and he disregarded the entire conversation behind your back. It’s irresponsible if you are on a tight budget, with a child on the way, to be buying expensive gifts anyway, regardless of the circumstances with his sister.

HerYogi −  Why not just Venmo request her or just ask for half? Stop being so f*cking scared of a conversation.

The_Marketing_G −  His sister won’t stop because your husband is legit enabling her. Your husband has to be the one to stop this behavior. You need to actually talk to your husband and tell him to stop doing this.

Tell him that if he does it, it should come out of his own money and not your joint money/your household’s finances. NTA but since this is a habit, you have to know it won’t be easy to break for your husband and so you have to be a bit patient and understanding with him.

Know it’ll be tough for him to have this difficult convo with his sister and for him to change behavior. Good luck tho. And congrats for the baby on the way :))

Affectionate_Fig3621 −  Yeah, I would’ve shut that sh+t down during engagement, if not before 😜 Shut it down, NOW…. she makes a decent living, it’s time for her to pay her own way.. Your husband needs a backbone

TheLastWord63 −  It’s completely your husband’s fault. She is not and can not force him to pay for anything. He’s choosing her wants over your family’s needs. YTA for not holding him completely accountable for HIS actions.

ChickenScratchCoffee −  Sounds like you have a husband problem. He’s a grown adult and letting his sister interfere with your marriage decisions. You and your husband came up with a plan together, he should have told her.

Now he lost his chance to tell her so you should text her. “Husband told me that you brought up gift ideas for MIL. No worries on our end, we already picked something out for her.”

Icy_Cardiologist8444 −  As harsh as it may seem, I think that it’s time for the two of you to get separate bank accounts. Keep the joint one for expenses, but start putting everything else in a separate account.

When your husband asks why, just tell him that you have tried to talk to him about this, but he kept writing you off and calling you petty. However, when he started putting his mother and sister above his (soon to be born) child, you felt that he had gone too far.

And, following his logic, you could make this switch without telling him, because he refuses to stop spending money when you expressly said no, so you had to find some way to stop him from spending money on unneeded items.

You mentioned in your post that his sister is buying his mother multiple pairs of Lululemon pants while you bought a clearance box of clothes for the baby for half the price of one pair of pants.

Use that as an example and let him know that while he spends frivoulously on his mother (and foots the bill for his sister’s excess), you are having to cut corners for your own child! Things change, and he needs to change too.

Is it going to get to the point that your child doesn’t get something because he’s spending so much on his mother and sister? Plus, ask him why he never gets a say in what is being purchased, as he’s always the one who pays for it.

If the sister feels the need to flex that much, have her pull out some of her moldy money and pay! And the stupidest argument is that she has always been the little sister and has always been spoiled.

That doesn’t make it right! It’s incredibly frustrating that his sister gets to benefit by being seen as the person who helped picked out the gift but didn’t put anything towards it. I would also ask why he feels the need to spend all of this money on his family when they never seem to reciprocate?

From the post, it seems like neither of them gave you a wedding gift. Doesn’t it bother him that so much is spent on his mother (and his sister, because she picks the gifts and contributes nothing), but when it comes to the two of you, they aren’t willing to give a little back?

This needs to stop now (though I know you already know that). If this doesn’t stop now, it’s never going to stop. There are always reddit posts that talk about parents who have one child who is the “favorite” and treated better by the in-laws.

As the kids get older, they notice the favoritism and wonder what they’ve done wrong or why their grandparents don’t love them. My worry in your case is that when your child gets old enough,

they’re going to pick up on all the money being spent on Grandma and wonder why their dad doesn’t love them as much. I understand that may seem like a bit of a stretch, but with the way things are going, it’s not outside the realm of possibilities.

macabronsisimo −  NTA. If you are in a budget it is both of you. He can’t just ignore you. You need to have a conversation about you paying for gifts for your family.

LoudComplex0692 −  Eh, NTA but as a sister who’s regularly picked up the mental burden of sorting parents Christmas presents while my brother sends me some cash and puts his name on the card… it has been very tempting in the past to charge him for my time and labour instead.

Why is it up to your husband’s sister or his wife to sort his mum’s Christmas presents? It sounds like this arrangement works for him because it requires the least amount of effort.

theferal1 −  Nta- you said you’ve been shopping for weeks. He can either message sister back an “I’m sorry, wife already bought moms gift from us so you’re on your own” or, be prepared for you (if you’d do it) to put sister on the spot,

in front of everyone and ask sister “did you bring cash or are did you need my cashapp to pay your half” if anyone looks funny or says a word I’d tell them all shes yet to pay even her half for a single gift. This isn’t ok and you’re Nta at all.

Is the OP justified in wanting fairness in gift-giving traditions, or should she let it go for the sake of family harmony? What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!