AITA for wanting my husband to confront my MIL for sharing our pregnancy news despite us asking to keep it private?
A Redditor shared her frustration after her mother-in-law shared her pregnancy news despite being explicitly asked to keep it private. Given her past loss and the high-risk nature of her current multiples pregnancy, she wanted to control when and how to share the news.
After her MIL disregarded their wishes twice, the user feels hurt and wants her husband to confront his mom. However, he’s hesitant, suggesting she handle the conversation herself, leaving her feeling unsupported. Read the original story below.
‘ AITA for wanting my husband to confront my MIL for sharing our pregnancy news despite us asking to keep it private? ‘
I’m currently pregnant and wanted to keep it on the down-low for now. My first pregnancy ended in loss, and this one is a multiples pregnancy, so I’ve been really anxious and hesitant to share. My husband and I told his mom and other close family early on with the clear request to keep it private until we were ready to tell others.
We’re only just finishing the first trimester, and recently I received a text from a family acquaintance congratulating us—turns out they’d run into my MIL that morning, and she’d shared the news. This isn’t the first time she’s gone against our wishes.
Around six weeks, we learned she’d told an extended family member, even though we had specifically said we weren’t ready to make it public and wanted to tell people ourselves when we felt comfortable. I feel hurt and frustrated that she’s not respecting our wishes.
I made it clear that I wasn’t ready for this to be public knowledge, especially given my anxiety surrounding this pregnancy. I think I have a right to decide who I tell and when, especially with something so sensitive. My husband is also frustrated by his mom’s actions and understands why this is so upsetting for me.
However, he’s hesitant to actually confront her about it. He feels that saying something would make her uncomfortable and potentially strain their relationship. He told me that if I feel strongly about it, I should be the one to address it with her directly.
I feel like this puts me in an awkward position because I want him to handle it, but he’s not willing to, despite knowing how much this is affecting me. AITA for wanting him to step up and say something rather than having me handle it?
Check out how the community responded:
International-Fee255 − NTA THIS WILL ONLY GET WORSE! She will be sharing everything she is told. She has no respect for you as adults, she feels she has a right to share because it’s her news. He needs to address it now and you guys need to stop sharing with her until you want everything public.
Ok_Conversation9750 − NTA. You now know that MIL needs to be kept on a strict information diet. I’d be more concerned about your husband’s lack of a spine, though.
shrinkingspoon − excuse me? make HER uncomfortable? Your husband’s answer basically shows that it is actually NOT a problem for him. If it was, he would talk to his mom.. NTA
pixie1947 − NTA. But now you know. When you give birth (Congratulations, by the way!), she’ll be the last to know. And it’ll be her own doing. Is your husband OK with dealing with that backlash?
TheWorldTurnsAround − NTA. I would want my husband to be the one to speak to his mother, but I think it needs to be done together. Since husband seems unwilling to talk to his mother, I think you should have a discussion with him as to how this works going forward.
As in, is she told nothing from now on until you’ve decided an appropriate amount of time has passed since she can’t be trusted? Does that include milestones when the children are older – first words, first steps, tryouts in school, etc?
You do have a MIL problem and she needs to be on some type of an information diet, but you also have a husband problem. He also has an issue with his mother’s actions but refuses to talk to her about it. Is he scared of her? Does everyone placate her?
Straight_Coconut_317 − I’m sorry you’re having babies with a Baby Man who is more concerned about protecting mommy‘s feelings than yours. this is only going to get worse. If he is unwilling to stand up for you, tell him from now on for the rest of your married life if you’re in charge of handling his mother,
he’s not going to like how you go about it and he’s just gonna have to put up with it. This is his chance to either handle her as a father and husband to you or you will handle her as an interfering self-centered b**ch and you will take it from there.
EssexCatWoman − Your husband has a choice:. Make his mum uncomfortable. Or. Make you uncomfortable I’m sorry he is too cowardly to make that choice but fundamentally that’s what it boils down to.
You are both in agreement she did the wrong thing, so if he doesn’t actively support you (and no that doesn’t mean standing behind you while you speak up for yourself) then he is choosing her.
Time for him to have one short and uncomfortable conversation with his own mum now, rather than setting your family unit up for more trouble and more difficult conversations later. NTA. As ever, you have a husband problem, not just a MIL one.
Individual_Ad_9213 − NTA. Now you know that your MIL can’t be trusted to keep a secret.
mistyskipper − NTA. You both made a decision together, and it’s fair to want him to address it with his mom. It’s about supporting you during a tough time.
diminishingpatience − NTA. he’s hesitant to actually confront her about it. He feels that saying something would make her uncomfortable and potentially strain their relationship. Your feelings and your relationship have to be his priority. Make it clear to him that she’s to be told nothing from now on.
Should the husband step up to confront his mother about violating their trust, or is it fair for him to ask his wife to handle the situation directly? How would you address a family member disregarding such a personal boundary? Share your thoughts below!
