AITA for wanting my girlfriend to pay rent and utilities to live in my house?

A Redditor shares a financial dilemma regarding her girlfriend moving in with her. After proposing that her girlfriend contribute $1,250 per month to cover living expenses in her house, tensions arise when her girlfriend suggests a much lower amount based on their income disparity. This disagreement about fairness and financial responsibility brings their relationship into question. Read the original story below to see how this couple navigates their differing perspectives on money.

‘ AITA for wanting my girlfriend to pay rent and utilities to live in my house?’

We’re both women so no sexist comments. We currently live separately and are talking about moving in together except we’ve hit a snag. She rents and pays roughly $3000 in rent, utilities, and insurance. I outright own a house that my brothers gave to me as a graduation gift. My utilities, insurance, and property tax is roughly $2500 a month.

She makes about $50,000 a year while I make about $300,000. All of this cumulated into the argument we’re currently in. I asked her to pay $1250 a month when she moves in to cover the cost of living here. I thought that was a reasonable request since there will be 2 people living here and that’s half of my cost.

She disagrees and thinks it’s unreasonable since I’ll incur those cost whether or not she lives with me. I asked her what she thought was fair and her first answer was that she shouldn’t have to contribute anything since the house was in my name and she doesn’t have ownership.

That led to an argument until she relented and offered to pay based on our income. Since I make 6 times her salary, she said the only fair thing is for her to pay 1/6 the cost, so roughly $400 a month. I thought this was unrealistic but she argued that it’s fair since I don’t even need her money because I don’t have a mortgage and make so much more. I love her and never thought money would be an issue but here we are. What do you all think?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

He_Who_Is_Person −  All I can say is that if I loved someone and made *six f**king times* what they made, I wouldn’t be asking that.

[Reddit User] −  Wow, she pays 3k a month on 50k per year? That’s nuts. I’m not even sure how that is possible. I think her proposal for $400 a month is fair honestly. If you guys are planning to build a life together, that makes sense considering your income. Maybe make it $650 as a compromise.. NAH

Cute-Sheepherder3540 −  IDK, If my girlfriend who made 50k/year wanted to move into my house that I own outright and I made 300k/year, I likely wouldn’t even make her pay. That said, I think paying based on income is extremely fair for a loved one. Especially when you consider that your ratio of discretionary income is even larger than 1-6. I do wonder how she could afford 3000 in rent , but that’s another thing.. I’m going to go with YTA.

Mindless_Curve_946 −  JFC where do you live that your utilities, rent and insurance are $2500? Yes, what you’re offering is better than her $3K in rent… but your incomes are wildly, wildly different. Like… you have a partnership… but she’s essentially impoverished while you can pretty much do anything you want whenever you want.

You don’t want to feel taken advantage of (and ultimately resentful), but she wants to feel like a partner, instead of like she’s left out in the cold to struggle while her partner is ridiculously comfortable (which will also inevitably lead to resentment).

There’s a middle ground somewhere, if neither of you is feeling enough generous enough toward the other to pursue it, I’d ask if you’re feeling connected enough to want to stay in this relationship.

Edit: Judgement: a little bit of ESH. Edit 2: ooops – I totally meant “property tax” not “rent”. Like… that’s a… multimillion dollar home OP was just gifted at graduation? That’s wild.

No-Locksmith-8590 −  Yta you make *six times* as much as her and want her to pay an equal percentage? With such a HUGE difference, the percentage method is more fair. You want her to spend a huge chunk of her salary while you pay a much, much smaller percentage.

KBD_in_PDX −  I would say this is a ESH – Knowing the discrepancy in income, it’s not fair of you to ask her to cover 1/2 of the bills – it SHOULD be based on income, if you’re trying to be fair. She shouldn’t feel e**itled to live rent-free, and should want to contribute to household costs.

I will say – if you don’t NEED her money, perhaps she could contribute in a way that feels less like she’s subsidizing a home you own (and she’ll legally have no right to). Groceries, utilities, etc. are smaller bills she could cover, which would benefit both of you.

diabeticweird0 −  Do you like this person? It sounds like you’re interviewing a roommate instead of moving in with your gf With that income disparity asking for half is too much

Head-Astronomer9579 −  I personally don’t think either of you are TA, you just have different outlooks on relationships. And tbh I don’t think you should move in until you have a frank discussion about money and how you see your relationship going in the future. I personally think that if you’re in a serious relationship and you’re likely to stay together for good/want to get married etc.

then you don’t need to think about things as 50/50 (money wise at least). There are significant monetary benefits for both of you by living together- and while I get your point about splitting things down the middle I don’t think her request to pay for things based on income is unreasonable. If you want things to always be 50/50 (even if you have kids etc) you need to tell her that, and she has the right to rethink the relationship.

Although tbh if you see a future with her what are you trying to save all your money for? Surely spending your joint money together would benefit you and her? I.e if you want to go for a lovely holiday and she can’t afford it wouldn’t you still want her to come? I just think you can’t always treat money as 50/50. However if it’s that you haven’t been together long and you’re not that serious yet then I think 50/50 is fine.

hopefuly −  I have trouble believing she’s paying $3k a month on rent while only making $50k a year. Even $1250 a month is difficult to afford on that salary. Eta: $3k a month would be almost 75% of her income going to rent…

WetDogDeodourant −  YTA. The maths is off if she makes 50k and you 300k, then she should pay 1/7 not 1/6. Your household brings in 350k, she earns 1/7. So if the 400 is right, based on 1/6, it should actually be 342 based on 1/7. Not saying that my opinion is that bills should be split in income, just if they are, at least get the maths right. But there’s no arsehole in this discussion. It’s a personal discussion.

If you want to live together that’s a factor. If the choice was only, she lives with you for free, or she lives in her own place, what would you choose? She’s not a lodger, it’s not ‘what price would the free market set on a room in my house’ matter. My general take is that a partner moving into another’s house, to remain equals should cover her cost, which would be 50% of electricity, water etc.

but not mortgage unless that’s returned in equity. And I’d mitigate that 50% if bills in your house are noticeably higher than what she’d have in a house she chose alone. And if the house was a straight out gift, and there’s no mortgage, and the $1250 is pure profit, that’s even worse. You want to charge your partner a grand a month for the privilege of living with you?

Imagine you didn’t have the house and went to live in hers, and agreed to spilt the bills 50/50, bar the fact that you feel she should put in an extra $1250 for the privilege of living with you. Obviously nuts. Partners aren’t for making profit. Either you’d rather she lived with you or you don’t.

Any money she gives you should be for her sake. She wants to cover her share of cost. So the bills you share, whether that’s 50:50 or 1:6, but you don’t charge rent to a girlfriend unless you met last week and she’s trying to rush in for free rent.

Do you think the user is justified in wanting her girlfriend to contribute a fair amount to household expenses, or is her girlfriend’s perspective about financial contribution based on their income disparity more reasonable? How would you approach financial discussions in a relationship where living arrangements change? Share your thoughts below!