AITA for wanting my girlfriend to pay rent and utilities to live in my house?
A Redditor shares a financial dilemma regarding her girlfriend moving in with her. After proposing that her girlfriend contribute $1,250 per month to cover living expenses in her house, tensions arise when her girlfriend suggests a much lower amount based on their income disparity. This disagreement about fairness and financial responsibility brings their relationship into question. Read the original story below to see how this couple navigates their differing perspectives on money.
‘ AITA for wanting my girlfriend to pay rent and utilities to live in my house?’
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
Do you think the user is justified in wanting her girlfriend to contribute a fair amount to household expenses, or is her girlfriend’s perspective about financial contribution based on their income disparity more reasonable? How would you approach financial discussions in a relationship where living arrangements change? Share your thoughts below!
I think most of the commenters ATI, It doesnt matter how he got the house, if that is how shes looking at it “because you make more money” Id leave. That will set a bad precedent for the whole relationship. You will be responsible for any unexpected expenses because you make more. You shouldnt be penalized for owning the place, and side note; most places consider you common-law and entitled to half once you reside together for a certain amount of time, so yeah she should be putting in since she could try and take everything if you split.
I don’t believe you are the AH. She wants a free ride. Stick to at least 800$ per Mont. Your utilities will increase. I would get out of that relationship. She is increasing her income because of move. I think she is Gaslighting you.
Maybe I’m crazy but splitting the cost ( taxes and utilities 50/50) seems very fair, they aren’t married. When they do and everything becomes communal then it all comes out of one pot, but as long as they are dating they should both contribute equally. She’s already cutting her cost in half. IMO their incomes should have nothing to do with the conversation at all.
I see 2 ways to go about this.
1. Equality in everything. All $$ (both salaries) go into one account. Bills are paid and spending money allocated. This is how my partner and I live. It’s been good for the last 25 years. For us it’s a partnership for life.
If you are wanting to keep your finances separate, I believe 50/50 is the way to go. Yes one person makes more than the other, but this is all maintenance fees. No one is profiting from it.
Where I am from, domestic partners are common law married after 3 months. So after that point it’s all moot.
Why is everyone assuming that when she says girlfriend, it means they’re lesbians? I have girlfriends that I call that, and we aren’t in relationships: we’re simply girlfriends.
I share 50/50 in rental home with my husband.even though i earn 1800€ and he earns around 700€.how Ever, i pay the car with gas and insurance in our use (I own it) and my Sons needs. He does not give money To those things, so that makes it More even. How Ever, if i would make much More than him, i would not ask so big part.
Just because the OP was gifted a house and makes loads more money, why should he have to carry her? If she can afford $3k now on her wages she should be grateful he is potentially giving her half of that back to spend on herself! If she cant afford it, she should be in a lower rental property. As much as everyone is saying ‘if he loved her he would want to support her’ , if she loved HIM she wouldn’t want to freeload!!
NTA I agree with the percentage outcome. Even though you make good money she still has to bring something to the table to make it a parternship. If she doesn’t then you will end up being resentful that’s she’s basically “free loading” off of you. JMHO
I was with someone like you, I hope you never move in together and call it quits . You don’t understand and that’s ok, it doesn’t make you a bad person. For both of your mental healths sake, it’s best she doesn’t show you in real time why that’s not fair. Different worlds.
What we did because when we moved in together my husband made much less than me is to take 1/2 our take home and put it in a joint account to pay bills and everyday expenses. Anything left went into a joint savings that we use for larger purchases such as vacations. The other half we do with what we please. It has worked well and he now makes more than me. In my opinion YTA as your incomes are so far apart. Do you want a life with her or a roommate?
First off she’s your gf not your wife. Even if you ask for only $1000, it’s still only 1/3 of what she’s paying now. Everyone is saying base it off your income. Sure maybe once I’m married but right now you’re helping her to pocket at least $2k a month. You don’t owe her anything. You’re already doing enough as is. I’m sorry but unless we are married then I would consider the $400 but I’m not about to be taken advantage of just because I have money.
Before my wife became my wife (also same sex couple) we lived together in a house under her name and she makes 3x my income. We’ve discussed finances, relationship expectations, everything. I think what you’re proposing is reasonable since she is paying $3000 for her own rent. It is much cheaper with you and it provides responsibility for the both of you. I have never once complained since we were living together before marriage and honestly, I did more house work on top of that since I made less to contribute more. Not that my wife expected it. I do not agree with the other partner not paying for anything and I think your proposal is a reasonable contribution. I’d seriously have a talk about that bc if you make THAT much and the other person expects you to pay for everything bc you have a bigger salary…I call that a red flag. Idk about you but living in Texas, once married, everything and I mean EVERYTHING is 50/50 unless a prenup is created stating otherwise. Good luck dude! Hopefully everything goes well but make sure you’re looking out for your well being bc you obviously worked really hard to earn that amount.
The maths are wrong in so many ways. And many of the responses are off as well. Regardless to just what the actual figures are (on both sides) apply the math to each. Each viewpoint is an apple or orange,…… Yeah, algebra! Besides, folks only marry with the ideals of forever, yet divorce courts always as a general split 50/50, and guess what…. Depending upon jurisdiction, 3-6 months after living together, she owns half your house! Even if it’s common-law!!! Better put your house in a trust beneficent to your living parents first. You can always change that later after you’ve been together 5-10 years or whatever.
If YOU asked her to move in with you then you shouldn’t expect payment from her. If, after moving in, she takes care of YOUR house by cleaning, and cooking, laundry, etc., then YOU should be paying her. Other than that, charge her the difference in what utilities charge for one person or two. i.e., if your heat bill goes up by $50 after her moving in, charge her that if you “have” to charge anything. But you making 6 times what she does, you shouldn’t charge her anything if you are the one that asked her to move in. Love for money is evil. Maybe she should think twice about moving in with you. I think I would tell her to run away.
All the people commenting here and on original post need to realize that more than. Half the country makes 50k a year or less. Hopefully they live somewhere that is affordable. But if yoú live in California, and rent, this is the reality. Rent is disproportional. You live on pennies. Ok. Now opinion on post: this is a privileged lesbian who is dating a salt of the earther and trying to take advantage. You are the a-hole.
If she is paying $3k/month, that leaves her with approximately $1000/month to live on. Unless she dresses in rags, eats spaghetti 7 days a week, has no car, never visits a doctor, etc., she can’t live on that. Either you got the facts wrong or she is not being totally honest. Investigate before you reach a decision.
Are you trying to keep her broke so she is dependent on you? Other than a roof over her head, what does she get from this “relationship.” She doesn’t get her name on the house, and there is no mentiopn of how household income is shared. If you love her, you’ll give her that 1/6th figure, and allow her to accumulate money of her own so she can be independant. That puts some onus on you to be the type of partner one would want… instead of the partner she is stuck with because she has no other options.
I think it’s crazy that you make 300k and only spend 2500 per month which still leaves you with a ton of money left and you want her to split cost while only making 50k-I see if you said for her to but groceries and pay some of the utilities. But an even split is insane. You sound like you’re trying to teach her a lesson more so than be a partner -she should move on- if you were a man and wrote this everyone would say how much of an A hole you were and that she should leave you and how you’re a dirt bag for this- it’s not different because you’re a woman as well.
Living together isn’t marriage. One problem I see is that if she is paying some rent and things go bad, you have a business relationship in respect to the house. But if she moves in and in 6 months things go to heck, if she refuses to move out for some reason, you can’t evict her in the same was as if she was a tenant. I don’t mean to be cynical, but it already sounds like you guys are thinking of money in completely different ways. Why for instance is she living now in an apartment she can’t realistically afford?
No one should live there for free. I had annex tell me he shouldn’t have to pay anything when he moved into my house because I “ would have to pay for things” if he wasn’t there. My utilities / expenses went up with him there. And everyone is using things, wearing out the house/rug… Everyone should contribute something . Percentages seems a good way.
I agree with 50/50 if you put her name on the deed – that would make everything 50/50. If you’re not ready to do that, you’re not ready for a true partnership, and there’s no reason to ask her to pay anything toward your house. And yes YTA
I feel costs based on income is the only way to go here.
NTA, but your math and everyone else’s math is off. I’ll explain.
Utilities, Insurance, Taxes are $2500/month. No mortgage payment, yay you, but the house is yours, so you and you alone are responsible for the Taxes and Insurance on the structure. If you wanted her to help with bills, then split the Utilities (she will be living there too) and the portion of insurance that covers contents of your house. (If you were to have a house fire, I’m sure she would want money from insurance to buy replacement things.) Calculate that cost and then split that. Those costs can be understandably split 50/50 regardless of income disparity in my opinion.
NTA. Until you two are married and combining finances, you should both put in half. She’s getting quite the bargain being able to save so much more money by moving in with you, anyways. She can literally just take that extra and throw it into savings. I’m not really sure why she’d be upset by that. Is it her house? No, but neither is the apartment that she’s renting. It’s ridiculous for her to think that she’s just going to move in with you and not have to pay anything.
Now, when/if y’all get married, then you can combine finances and figure all that stuff out then.
I’d talk to her more before agreeing to let her move in and find out why she feels entitled to live there free. Make sure she truly loves you.