AITA for wanting my daughter to make my wedding cake although my future husband is refusing?
Weddings are a celebration of love and unity, but when it comes to planning, differing opinions can cause tension. So what happens when a bride-to-be wants her talented teenage daughter to bake the wedding cake, but her fiancé insists on hiring a professional? Enter a major pre-wedding disagreement.
OP (36F) has a 16-year-old daughter who is passionate about baking. She wanted to make their wedding cake—a gesture OP found meaningful. However, OP’s fiancé (41M) reacted harshly, dismissing the idea and calling it a “joke.” He insisted that only a professional baker should handle their wedding cake, citing concerns about quality and embarrassment in front of guests.
The disagreement escalated when his mother got involved, calling OP to push for a professional cake while suggesting her daughter could bake cupcakes instead. Now, OP feels like she’s being forced into a decision she doesn’t agree with. Is she right to stand her ground, or is her fiancé justified in wanting a traditional cake?
‘AITA for wanting my daughter to make my wedding cake although my future husband is refusing?’
Expert Opinion:
This situation highlights deeper relationship issues beyond just a wedding cake—issues of control, respect, and compromise in marriage planning.
Understanding the Core Conflict:
The main issue here is a lack of mutual respect and consideration. Weddings are a shared event, meaning both partners should have an equal say in decisions. According to Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, “Successful marriages rely on compromise and the ability to navigate disagreements with mutual respect.”
OP sees this cake as a sentimental gesture from her daughter, while her fiancé is focused on appearance and external judgment. The fact that he responded with anger rather than an open discussion raises concerns about communication patterns. Additionally, bringing his mother into the disagreement suggests potential boundary issues that could persist in their marriage.
Expert Insights:
Dr. Terri Orbuch, a psychologist specializing in relationships, states: “Pre-wedding conflicts over decision-making can be a predictor of future relationship struggles. It’s important for couples to learn how to navigate differences without resorting to dismissal or external interference.”
Furthermore, research from the Journal of Family Issues suggests that when one partner continually disregards the other’s desires in planning a major life event, it can lead to long-term resentment and dissatisfaction. OP’s fiancé should consider that emotional significance often outweighs perfection in these moments.
Proposed Solutions and Takeaways:
For couples navigating similar wedding disputes, here are key takeaways:
- Compromise Is Key – A possible middle ground could be having the daughter bake a smaller cake for sentimental purposes while ordering a professional cake for the main event.
- Respect Each Other’s Values – OP’s fiancé should acknowledge that the sentimental value of the cake is just as important as its aesthetics.
- Establish Boundaries – Involving external family members in disagreements can create unnecessary tension and long-term resentment.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
While OP’s fiancé may have valid concerns about presentation, his reaction and involvement of his mother suggest deeper issues of respect and control. Compromise is essential in a healthy marriage, and dismissing OP’s daughter’s efforts entirely is not a productive approach.
What do you think? Should OP insist on her daughter’s involvement, or should she compromise for the sake of wedding aesthetics?