AITA for walking out of the bridal salon when I found out my friends were making fun of me behind my back?

After accidentally seeing a hurtful chat on a friend’s phone, a woman discovered her two close friends had been secretly mocking her for over a year. She left the bridal store in tears, feeling betrayed.

When confronted later, the friends claimed it was all in good fun, though they accused her of invading their privacy. The woman’s family supports her decision to walk out, but she’s left wondering if her reaction was wrong. Read the original story below…

‘ AITA for walking out of the bridal salon when I found out my friends were making fun of me behind my back? ‘

I have two friends: Gaby and Shelly. All of us are 23, if that matters. We were roommates in college and stayed in the same city after graduation. While the three of us are close, I’ve always known that Gaby and Shelly are the closest. They have a really sweet friendship. Shelly is getting married.

Gaby is the maid of honor and I’m one of the bridesmaids. Over the weekend, I went with Shelly so she could look at wedding dresses. Gaby was supposed to come with us but got called into work last minute. I helped Shelly pick out some dresses then she went with the consultant to try them on.

Shelly asked that I take pictures and videos on her phone to send to her mom and Gaby. I was getting the camera ready when a text from Gaby came through. I didn’t mean to click on it and was instantly going to click back out when I saw one of my Instagram pictures in their private chat from earlier that morning.

Both were making fun of me for the face I was making and my outfit choice. It didn’t appear to be very good nature. I admit, curiosity got the best of me so I searched my name in the chat. I found multiple pictures that I, my boyfriend or my mom have posted of myself, absolutely ripping them to shreds.

Ranging from selfies to posed shots to even a few baby pictures. They’d also make fun of me in general in terms of the way I talked, wore my hair and the way I ate.This went back as far as I could tell, at least a year. My heart broke. It all felt so juvenile and high school.

While we all joke around, I would never do this to them nor have they ever even tried to instigate these types of conversations with me about the other one on one. I was in tears. As someone who was bullied all through middle and high school, it just brought me back to a horrible place.

I put the phone in Shelly’s purse and brought it to another employee, telling her to tell Shelly that I had to go. I drove home and had a long cry. Shelly texted me by the time I made it home asking where I went. I said I was going home and we could talk later.

When she did call a few hours later, she was understandably confused and hurt that I left. I told her what I found, explaining that I only looked further because of the initial text I accidentally saw. She went off on me for looking through her private texts and said those were none of my business.

She also told me I shouldn’t have left the store without saying anything. I said I didn’t want to make a scene but also knew I couldn’t fake being happy for her. Shelly told me the texts were “all in good fun” and clearly she loves me because I’m going to be her bridesmaid.

She added that I’m only hurt because I chose to read all those texts. Later on, Gaby called to tell me that I invaded Shelly’s privacy and hurt her by walking out. My boyfriend and mom think I did the right thing by walking out. But obviously, they’re a little biased. I just want some unbiased looks: was I an a**hole to look through the texts and then leave?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

hereforyounot −  NTA If I was in your place, I think I’d drop out of being in the wedding. It’s one thing to jokingly make fun of someone 1 time but seems like they have done this to you a bunch of times. And it doesn’t seem like it was light-hearted.

If I was you I wouldn’t feel bad about looking through those messages at all, she handed her phone to you and feels like fate took the opportunity to expose them to you for who they are.

Lendyman −  NTA. Searching her phone was maybe crossing the line, but that line is far less important than two supposed friends spending months making fun of you behind your back. The all in good fun excuse doesn’t hold water because you were not a party to it.

You don’t hide things like that from people unless you’re aware of the fallout that would happen if you didn’t. I can guarantee you that the vast majority of the people who will comment on this thread would never make fun of their friends to other friends behind their back. This is mean girl behavior.

It’s passive aggressive, it’s mean spirited and it’s not how real friends treat their friends. They were making fun of you because they’re mean and not very nice people. And they hid it from you because they are mean and not very nice people.

She made excuses and blamed you for the situation because she is mean and not a very nice person. You should drop them both like a hot potato because they’re mean and not very nice people.

My only caveat here is if you engage in similar behavior with either of them, having private chats and making fun of other friends. If you do, then ESH. Edit: OP confirms that they do not engage in that behavior. So my initial NTA stands.

saintandvillian −  NTA. Neither of these girls are your friend. They are deceitful mean girls who didn’t even have the decency to apologize after you found out that they were being mean to you and secretly ganging up on you. They are bullies and you are doing a disservice to yourself to continue relationships with either of them.

Take out your phone, block their numbers, and take the time to find real friends who love and respect you. You don’t need them and they certainly don’t value you So don’t give them a single second more of your energy. Love yourself and respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better.

gwendolynflight −  NTA and drop out of the wedding, and find new friends who actually like you.

Distinct_Acadia_2912 −  NTA  How could a year’s worth of n**ty texts “be all in good fun”? Clearly, these women are mean girls and bullies who are too cowardly to attack you to your face.  I’d just keep walking out of their lives if I were you. 

Romance-BookWorm-55 −  NTA. First off, I think you handled it well by not making a scene. Second, it’s a gray area as far as you looking through her phone beyond just the one message you saw. I can’t say if I would do it or not.

However, joking or not, for them to have been making fun of you for that long is not OK. Friends don’t do that to each other. The only reason both of them got upset is because they got caught. When someone shows who they really are, believe them. Likely that went on a lot longer than just a year.

You deserve better than people who talk about you behind your back with fake smiles on their faces.

Avlonnic2 −  INFO: Why do this to yourself? These are not friends. Stop the pretense. Drop out of the wedding. Drop the friends. Pick better friends. Have a much improved life.

Jazzlike_Property692 −  NTA Was it wrong to go searching in their conversation? Yeah probably. But I agree you had good cause, and it resulted in appropriate proof. You deserve to know they were talking about you that way.

I think you reacted appropriately for quietly leaving in the way you did. Don’t let them b**ly you into thinking you’re at fault here. You should reconsider your friendships with these girls.

texasjailnuse −  When people show you who they are, believe them. NTA. You need better friends.

voxetpraetereanihill −  NTA. And that’s some next level manipulation telling you it’s your own fault for looking. They aren’t your friends, they’re mean little girls who haven’t grown up. Block them and move on. You deserve better.

Was she justified in leaving, or did she overreact? Share your thoughts below!