AITA for volunteering to help with my stepsisters for the wrong reasons?

In blended families, navigating relationships with new family members can be complex, especially for teenagers like this Reddit user. In this story, a young man opens up about his feelings toward his stepsisters, sparking an interesting debate. Can family bonds be built on compensation, or is true care essential? Read on for the full story, and let us know your take below.

A Redditor shares the complex dynamics of his relationship with his stepsisters, who were toddlers when his dad remarried. Though he occasionally volunteers to help with them, he admits it’s mostly for compensation rather than a desire to bond.

When his dad discovers this, he’s disappointed, believing his son should naturally care more about his stepsisters after six years together. Now, he’s grappling with his dad’s reaction and wondering if he was wrong.

‘AITA for volunteering to help with my stepsisters for the wrong reasons?’

My dad got married 6 years ago. His wife’s two daughters were 2 and 3 then. Their bio dad was out of the picture. My mom died 14 months before my dad got married (my parents had a ONS and weren’t ever a couple).

So to clarify some things. I (16m) don’t feel a bond with my stepsisters. I do sometimes spend time with them, but that’s more because they want it. I never want to hang out with them, and I don’t enjoy it. But I know my dad wants me to be a good “brother” to them. He encourages me to spend time with them as much as I can, and he’ll always call them my sisters and looks disappointed that I only say stepsisters.

But yeah, I don’t really feel any closer to them now than I did 6 years ago. It’s not that I dislike them either though. I know for them it’s really different because they were so much younger, and even if I had any doubt because of that, they call me their brother, like just their brother and each say they have a brother and a sister.

Sometimes my dad or his wife won’t be able to do something for one or both girls (go to the park, walk to a friend’s house, take them to grab something at the store), and I volunteer for it because I always get paid for doing it. It’s one of the ways everyone is happy. I’m spending more time with the girls, which my dad and the girls like. I get something out of it, which I like.

My dad only recently figured out that I don’t do it out of love for the girls and a want to spend more time with them, and he’s disappointed in me now that I was volunteering for the wrong reasons. He said it’s hurtful and it’s going to really hurt them in a couple of years when they realize I don’t reciprocate their love.

He said it hurts him to know that 6 years of being siblings has meant nothing to me. He pointed out that they were so little when they became my “sisters,” and he doesn’t understand how I don’t feel protective and caring for them by now.

Dad figured it out because he joined in on some of my therapy sessions (yes, I have a therapist) and pieced stuff together based on what I was saying. My dad keeps bringing it up to me and reminding me of how disappointed he is… AITA?

Family Dynamics in Blended Families: How Much Bonding is Expected?

Family expectations can sometimes clash with personal feelings, especially in blended households. This Redditor’s story highlights the nuances that can arise when a new family forms. Should step-siblings be expected to feel a natural bond, or is it enough that they simply show kindness and respect?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

plantprinses: Honey, your father doesn’t have a point: he doesn’t even have the shadow of one. It’s perfectly possible not to like your siblings, let alone step siblings. Hell, there are parents who don’t like their children but still care for them. The bottom-line is: you can’t force yourself to like someone even they are family. You just can’t. Your father doesn’t seem to be able to understand this. What I also don’t understand is why he’s not seeing that, given your relative indifference to your step siblings, he doesn’t give you credit for still helping them and be nice to them.

Stranger0nReddit: NTA. Stepsisters or not, I don’t think many 16-year-olds want to hang out with an 8 and 9-year-old.

phoenixnettle75: NTA. And I’d discuss with your therapist that your father has used what you’ve said in sessions with them against you. It’s perfectly understandable that an older child would feel different than the younger ones in a blended family.

Timely_Egg_6827: NTA Remind him that even bio siblings tend to need cash to sweeten the deal of helping with much younger children. A lot of teenage boys don’t hang out with their little sisters because they’re just at different stages of life.

Own-Setting-1562: NTA. You can’t force feelings…

SeaworthinessDue8650: Tell your therapist what your father is saying. Have your therapist tell your father to back off…

jess1804: NTA. Ask him really when he was 16, did he REALLY WANT to spend time with 8/9-year-olds. Family or not.

JTBlakeinNYC: NTA. Your feelings are absolutely normal…

SubjectBuilder3793: NTA. Stop volunteering and tell him you don’t want to disappoint him by taking his money…

maleficentwasright: NTA. Ask your dad why it is fair for him to have expectations on your relationship with the girls…

Monetary Motivation or Genuine Care?

While this young man helps out with his stepsisters, his father is disappointed to learn it’s not out of genuine care. Is compensation a good enough reason to help family members? Can meaningful bonds still form despite a transactional approach?

What Do You Think?

Should family bonds require a natural connection, or is it okay if support is motivated by other factors? Could this young man’s feelings change as he grows older? We’d love to hear your thoughts. Share your perspective in the comments below and join the conversation!