AITA for very rarely/almost never wanting to go to restaurants because my girlfriend makes food that’s just as good, if not better, than restaurant food?

A Reddit user shared a story about his relationship troubles stemming from a surprising source — his girlfriend’s incredible cooking skills. Because she’s so talented in the kitchen, he rarely sees a reason to go out to restaurants, preferring her homemade meals instead.

However, his girlfriend recently expressed frustration, feeling unappreciated and upset that he doesn’t take her out for real dates. Things came to a head when he suggested homemade sushi for their anniversary, leading her to voice her concerns about the one-sided nature of their relationship. Read the full story below to learn how this unfolded.

‘ AITA for very rarely/almost never wanting to go to restaurants because my girlfriend makes food that’s just as good, if not better, than restaurant food?’

I’ve been with my wonderful girlfriend for a few years now, and we usually get along great, aside from this current issue. You can skip to the TL;DR if the exposition is too long. She’s a self-proclaimed “foodie”, which I honestly think is just selling herself short – she’s a food genius. She can taste and smell a dish and then turn around and recreate it, or even make it better than the original.

If you taste something and wonder, ‘what’s that super subtle flavor?’ she’ll tell you, ‘it’s anchovy paste/sumac/lavender/some other obscure spice that you would never think of.’ When someone is cooking something and they go, ‘it’s missing something,’ she can tell you *exactly* what it needs.

(It doesn’t stop there, she knew I had *touched* a diesel truck at work one morning as soon as I walked into the house *that night* because she could somehow smell it on me. It’s either really cool or really creepy, depending on the day.)

That’s not it, either. She *heard about a lost family recipe* and the next week, BAM, I’m eating my grandmother’s homemade sausage again for the first time in fifteen years. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t see any point in going out to eat, pretty much ever, except maybe her birthday.

Even the most exotic ingredients aren’t out of her reach, either, and, even though it’s not about cost, I’ve saved up more being with her than I ever had in any other relationship. The only places we really go for date night is ramen – she can’t figure out how to make the noodles, but she still tries so it’s just a matter of time – and sushi.

Our anniversary was recently, and I had noticed that our local fish counter was selling sushi grade fish, along with the rolling mats and nori, so I suggested that we have homemade sushi for our anniversary dinner before going out and she upset and said, “I’m not learning how to make sushi because then I’ll *never* get a real date ever again.” We ended up going out instead.

It kinda took me by surprise that she got so mad, though. She’s *lightly* mentioned wanting to go out occasionally to places like Olive Garden “because she likes the red sauce” or other places because she likes the food, and now that I’m thinking about it, she’s gotten kinda gloomy because I’ve asked her to cook on date nights instead of going out more often.

She also brought up that food she cooks tastes better to me because she’s tasting and smelling it while it cooks so her senses are dulled by the time it’s served, but she has the most acute sense of smell/taste I’ve ever seen so I kinda think it’s just an excuse. I just don’t think it’s worth it to go out and pay restaurant food prices when we can stay home for home food prices and have food that’s just as excellent.

TL;DR: So, Reddit, am I the a**hole for not wanting to pay a restaurant to cook my meals because I practically have a private chef of my very own?

Edit: it’s not about the financial aspect of staying home vs going out, I just thought that it was worth mentioning because it’s been more of a saving than expected.

Edit 2: I’m taking her out tonight to grovel, guys. I’m also going to politely ask that, if she finds this off of Twitter, please don’t smother me in my sleep for being such a d**k

Edit3: no, twitter, I don’t buy her flowers, thanks for rubbing it in. I buy her herbs and succulents. What flowers do I buy a woman who likes to preserve them afterward?. Also, yes, I wash the dishes.

#Final Edit: Okay guys. This will probably be my last edit. This post exploded unexpectedly and I’ve tried to respond to as many comments as I can, but there’s just too many of you. If you’ve asked me a direct question and I haven’t answered, I’m sorry. My inbox is a mess.

I really took everything you guys gave said to heart, and I can honestly say that I’ve been an ass, and it’s really hurt my relationship with my girlfriend. It’s honestly a surprise that she’s still my girlfriend after everything.

So her mom picked up the girls and I took her out to a really nice tapas restaurant. She was very excited and seemed to enjoy herself, and I apologized for being stupid. After, we took a walk and everything seemed perfect, so I asked her to marry me.

She said no. She did it kindly, but she still said no. She said that it wasn’t a no forever, but she didn’t want to commit to a one sided relationship and also said she doesn’t think that it’s fair that our relationship happens on ‘my schedule’ or ‘my terms’.

I’m pretty heartbroken. I thought everything was pretty okay between us, but she thinks we should go to pre-marital (pre-engagement?) counseling and the division of labor needs to change over a serious sit down conversation. So, Reddit, you were all right. I’m the a**hole who almost lost the love of my life, and most of you were right – it wasn’t over restaurants.

Check out how the community responded:

neegarplease −  Good lord, completely YTA. Read the last line dude. You said you have your own private chef. Do you think your wife wants to cook *every single night* for you? F**k no. She makes sacrifices of her time every time she cooks for you, which sounds like a lot, so why can’t you sacrifice some of your time to take her out and possibly show her thanks for the things she does for you?

Geez man, you’re being thick. Maybe that’s why she got upset at the thought of never being taken out for dinner again. And I feel like you should bring this up with her directly if it’s upsetting you. Maybe tell her you love her cooking more than any restaurant food and she’ll love the sentiment and want to cook more. Or maybe she’ll say she needs a break from cooking sometimes. Just talk to her.

impressivegrapefruit −  YTA – you don’t have a “private chef”. You have a girlfriend. Who I assume is doing all the work on the grocery shopping/meal planning/cooking front while you reap the benefits.

I seriously hope you are helping to clean up the kitchen after dinner at the very least. I also hope since she’s doing all of that work you’ve picked up the slack in other areas of housework. She wants a night off for date night. That’s not unreasonable.

pleaseordercorn −  YTA to the point where im getting mad reading this no offense. Put yourself in her shoes: you want to relax and spend time with your partner, little to no stress involved, but she insists that you spend what i imagine to be at least an hour or more of prep EVERY time you have a date, and i assume when youre not having a “date” too? Shes not your personal chef, and i feel insulted on her behalf that youre thinking of her like that.

She likes cooking, cool. She doesnt live to cook for you, she clearly has suggested going out multiple times and therefore has voiced her desires to not do home-dates where she has to put in her time and labor.. YTA 100% sorry

Edit: actually im not sorry and im still mad three hours after seeing this. Youre lucky she hasnt broken up with you for being this selfish lmao

hatemakingnames1 −  I practically have a private chef. Yes, YTA. She doesn’t want to be your private chef nor does she want to be treated like one by you. I could be wrong here, but I doubt Olive Garden is really where she wants to go…she likely just wants to go **anywhere**. Take her favorite restaurant, if you’ve paid enough attention to know what that is.

not_really_an_elf −  YTA, and you’re also missing something really important. She’s a foodie, and foodies love eating new food. They like surprise and discovery. I bet she’d love to go out and try new things with you. Instead you’re treating her like a domestic servant. Honestly I wonder how else you’re taking her for granted.

Quellieh −  Oh dear, you’re totally TA. What’s your hobby? Maybe it’s computers, let’s say it’s computers. Every night she brings home a computer for you to fix up because you’re so good at it and she just loves to see you work your magic. Computers for days, lined up to make you happy, every day, in your spare time.

No point making you sushi, you’ve a computer to fix, no gaming, there are more computers than you know of. You’ve just got the knack. This is your thing and it makes her happy. Keep working on those computers. Just because you can. How long do you reckon you’d last?

lloyd_braun_no_1_dad −  It’s gotten to the point where I don’t see any point in going out to eat, pretty much ever, except maybe her birthday. YTA and you’re so close to figuring out why.

valici −  YTA. Just because she’s an amazing cook doesn’t mean she wants to spend the time and energy to cook every night. And come on man, buying food for her to cook on date night? Really?

Rogues_Gambit −  YTA. I’m betting you don’t cook for her? Ever offer to cook on date nights?

Angrychristmassgnome −  As a chef: yes, YTA. You’re expecting her to put in s**t ton of effort, without rewarding it, and never paying back. I promise you, if she’s a foodie, she desperately want to go out and eat and experience what other people do, and not put in all the effort all the time. And no, it’s not an excuse. Tastebuds get dulled. Even as a chef, I’m never as impressed by my own food as others tell me I should be.

Do you think the Redditor took his girlfriend’s cooking skills for granted, or was he simply being practical about date nights? How important is it to balance home-cooked meals with dining out in a relationship? Share your thoughts and experiences below!