AITA for using home security cameras to expose my girlfriend’s gaslighting?
In any relationship, accusations of imbalance—whether in emotional support, finances, or household chores—can create tension. But what happens when one partner gathers irrefutable proof that they are, in fact, carrying their fair share?
One Redditor found himself in an unexpected breakup after using security footage to confirm that he and his girlfriend equally split household responsibilities. Rather than acknowledging her mistake, she accused him of violating her privacy and ended the relationship. Was OP wrong to review the footage, or was his girlfriend simply embarrassed and looking for an escape?
‘AITA for using home security cameras to expose my girlfriend’s gaslighting?’
Expert Analysis:
Memory Bias in Household Work Disputes
Dr. Daniel Schacter, a Harvard psychologist specializing in memory, explains: “Humans have a natural tendency toward egocentric bias, meaning we remember our own contributions more vividly than those of others. This can lead people to genuinely believe they are doing more work than they actually are.”
Anne may not have been intentionally lying, but rather experiencing this common cognitive bias, leading her to feel like she was doing more than OP—even when the reality didn’t support that perception.
Is Reviewing Security Footage a Privacy Violation?
According to privacy law expert Professor Neil Richards, “Privacy violations hinge on reasonable expectation. If a person knowingly exists in a recorded environment and does not object to its existence, reviewing that footage does not constitute an inherent breach of privacy.”
Since Anne was fully aware of the cameras in their home, her claims of a privacy invasion don’t hold much weight. However, the perception of being watched—especially in a personal relationship—can still trigger strong emotional reactions.
What Should OP Have Done Differently?
- Instead of immediately referencing the security footage, OP could have suggested keeping a shared chore log for a few weeks to compare perceptions with reality.
- Before confronting Anne with the evidence, OP might have framed it as a way to “clear up confusion” rather than a “gotcha” moment.
- Given her strong reaction, OP should consider whether Anne was truly upset about privacy, or if she was looking for an exit strategy from the relationship.
Here’s what Redditors had to say about OP’s situation:
Most Redditors sided with OP, emphasizing that Anne’s accusations seemed like an excuse to break up rather than a legitimate privacy concern. Some speculated that she had already been looking for a reason to leave, and OP’s evidence simply backed her into a corner.
However, a few dissenting voices pointed out that reviewing any footage of someone without their explicit consent—regardless of prior awareness—could feel invasive.
This story highlights a few key relationship lessons: memory is fallible, perception matters, and how you present evidence can be just as important as the evidence itself. While OP was technically in the right, his approach may have unintentionally escalated an already fragile situation.
Would you have used security footage to prove your point, or would you have handled this differently? Share your thoughts below!