AITA for Upsetting my Best Friend’s Wife?

A Redditor shared a situation where their best friend’s wife became upset after discovering a text message they sent during a trip. The Redditor had company over in their room while their best friend was not present. After the trip, the wife questioned the text and accused the Redditor of putting her husband in a compromising position, despite the Redditor not involving him in any activities. The Redditor doesn’t understand why the wife is upset, as their friend was not tempted at all. Read the full story below to decide if the Redditor was in the wrong.

‘ AITA for Upsetting my Best Friend’s Wife?’

In September, my best friend and I took a trip. He’s married, I am not. While we were planning the trip, I suggested an AirBnB to accommodate me having female company in my own room. He agreed, and never once indicated it was an issue. And not once, did I ever think he was interested in extra marital affairs.

His wife, IMO, is highly insecure. Implants. Tons of make up. I should mention, we are all over the age of 40. My best friend is loyal to a fault. He takes his vows and his marriage as his biggest responsibilities. When he proposed to the woman, who had 3 kids of her own, he added on to the home HE BOUGHT years before and moved them all in. I dont see a reason to have trust issues with a man who is that decisive and intentional in his relationship with her.

They, of course, talked daily. He would give her updates as to what we had seen and done. Upon our return she questioned what he had told her during their daily phone calls. Even asked ” Are you sure there were no girls over at your place?” During our trip, I had company over, as planned, and my friend excused himself. When the party was over, I texted him “clear” to let him know my company had left. He was not even in the house when my company visited.

Fast forward 2 months. She gets an opportunity to go through my friends phone and finds the text message I sent during our trip and questions him. He tells her I’m an adult and he was not included in my activities. She is upset at me for “putting him in that position”. Clearly, if he was not, at all, tempted, I do not understand what position I put him in.. AITA or is his wife tripping?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Cultural_Section_862 −  YTA your disdain for this woman is palpable. Were you on vacation with this guy or just out trying to get laid in a new city?  You would kick this guy out of his air b&b multiple times and you were a good travel companion? I don’t think you were somehow tempting him, and no i don’t like her going through his phone- but none of that changes the fact that you treated him like s**t on that trip.

pottersquash −  NAH. You would be best to just stay out of their marriage. This has nothing to do with you. He shouldn’t be telling you how she feels about you from their martial convos.

witchywhich10 −  Maybe she’s seen your other Reddit comments and feels weird that two grown men are going on a trip and the unmarried one is constantly bringing hook ups over.

mwb2001 −  NTA for the trip but an AH for the “implants, tons of make up” comment. Sexist and unnecessary. I get the sense there is some jealousy there.

Majestic_Bit_4784 −  YTA You have basically lost your best friend, for getting your d**k wet. I get why the wife is angry with you, yes your friend should have said no to sharing a b and b or even the trip. You sharing an air b and b and putting him in an awkward situation, he even had to leave and wait to be told to come back. That’s not a friendship, that’s a il do as I please as I’m single and he’s not!!! I can do what I like, not one bit of respect

Stinkylilfrogbitch −  Wouldn’t separate hotel rooms have been better? You can pay for your random f**k den and he wouldn’t have had to leave and deal with that bs. Seems like you just don’t like his wife.

toddlerwhine −  You sound like a misogynist, she probably doesn’t like you and thinks her husband should accept applications for a new best friend.

BlondeinShanghai −  I’m going to take this as innocent and say NAH, but if I had to break one way, it wouldn’t be in your favor. It’s weird to go on a trip with someone without their spouse, but you’re planning to get laid. It is suspicious and weird.

slap-a-frap −  YTA – You’re an adult. YOU need to read the room: I see your point, but had he mentioned the slightest bit of unease things would have gone differently. This is what an AH would say. If you’re on a trip with a friend, you stay with that friend. You plan things together. You don’t ditch him/put him out in the cold just so you can get some.

Doesn’t matter how long the event was. Stop trying to say you’re in the clear because “he didn’t say anything” or “I would have done it for him” or “what am I supposed to do with all this time”. You’re an adult. You should know this already. Those are BS, m**ipulative ways of thinking that are making you TAH here. You ditched your friend on a trip for a person that you’re probably never going to see again.

Jmfroggie −  Nta. In this specific case because he, a grown ass consenting adult, agreed to the set up ahead of time. His marriage is between him and his wife, not you. You’re not dangling anything in front of this man by hooking up with your own people.

Where YTA is thinking it was appropriate to hook up with anyone while sharing an overnight accommodation for one night. He was more than accommodating to you- he left and gave you privacy. He’s a super good dude. But seriously, you should’ve waited til you got home to F around. It was one night and you really should’ve spent it with your friend or just hung out by yourself if it had been a long day.

You could’ve even hooked up at a woman’s place who wasn’t also sharing an overnight accommodation with someone else. You blew off your friend for some ass, couldn’t go one night without getting laid, and essentially had him removed from the place so you could do these things. Yta for saying she’s insecure because she has implants and wears makeup.