AITA for uninviting my parents to Christmas dinner?

A Redditor shares a dilemma about uninviting their elderly parents from Christmas dinner after repeated conflicts with their mother. Despite significant preparation, the mother’s complaints about the arrangements and insistence on bringing her misbehaving poodle led the user and their husband to decide on a quiet dinner alone instead. The user wonders if they were wrong to cancel last minute. Read the full story below to decide for yourself.

‘ AITA for uninviting my parents to Christmas dinner?’

So my husband is cooking a huge dinner for Christmas. He’s a great cook and this was supposed to be a gift from him to them. He’s worked on prep for a week and we’ve spent a lot of money on this. I’ve deep cleaned our home and decorated it, a lot of work went in to our hosting them here tonight. I just uninvited them, I’ve mixed feelings about this.

About a week ago my mom tried to rearrange the date, the dinner, the food, etc. Basically behaving like a person being forced to do something they don’t want to do. The menu includes their favorites. We offered adaptations of foods, times, location, etc.. We tried to make it something nice for them. My dad was looking forward to it, mom wasn’t no matter how we offered to tweak it.

Last night my mom asked if she could bring her dog and I said no. Her poodle is the love of her life, I get it. The last time it was here it peed everywhere. It even destroyed one of our dog beds. I don’t want to deal with it in my home.

I got a snide text last night from my mom. One line was that they would come even if their dog wasn’t welcome. She doesn’t want to be away from her dog on Christmas. I replied that I was looking forward to having them over. It was a reactionary response as I didn’t really know how to reply.

This morning I reread the text, how rude the tone was, and that from the wording how much my mom didn’t want to come. I showed my husband the text. We decided to have a quiet dinner alone. We’re going to make “to go” plates for my parents and bring it to them. My dad will greatly appreciate it. My mom is complaining we canceled.

I literally feel like my mom just choose a poodle over us. They would be here an hour here. One freaking hour. I guess I could have watched it that long but didn’t want to. So AITA for canceling day of and choosing a peaceful dinner? Edit for typos – can’t change typo in header unfortunately.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

NoRazzmatazz564 −  NTA. There is nothing that would get me to allow a dog in my home that has already peed all over it. Your mom is unreasonable and would have been unhappy no matter what you did so you are wise to preserve your own peace. Edited to correct 1 grammar issue.

LonelyOwl68 −  INFO: Has your mother always been like this? Does she normally throw an attitude whenever you try to please her as you were trying to do this time? Because if she is, you are totally NTA. People do sometimes get very attached to their dogs, but usually can handle being apart from them for a few hours. It is very understandable that you don’t want her dog in your home after experiencing his poor behavior there before.

If this is something new to her, it’s indicative that there is some kind of mental issue going on with her and that she might need a medical checkup to be sure she isn’t having some kind of mental problem that wasn’t present before.

Either way, her attitude would have poisoned the entire dinner you and your husband planned for your parents, and you are right to have cancelled. It’s unfortunate for your father, but appears to be the only thing you could do in the face of her attitude. Taking the meal to them is a very nice gesture and I hope your mother accepts it in the way you mean it; it sounds like your father will, at any rate. I hope you have a nice quiet dinner at home with your husband, and a very nice holiday overall.

BlueRayman −  NTA – But you should have let your dad come, sounds like he could do with a break.

BrilliantEmphasis862 −  NTA – your poor Dad.

Labradawgz90 −  NTA- Consciously or unconsciously, I think your mom was pushing you and pushing you, trying to get YOU to cancel so she wouldn’t have to come to your house. But this way, YOU look like the bad guy, not her, at least she in her eyes. She can play the victim in each scenario. She tried to get you to change the date. If you didn’t, it was on you. She tried to get you to change the food, if you didn’t, it’s was on you.

Let her bring the dog, despite it being destructive. You say no and she plays the victim. Then you make a normal comment, and she doesn’t like your “tone” in a text. (My dad did stuff like this.) She was looking for a way out but make it your fault. There was nothing you could do or say to win this. If she did come, she would have probably complained from the moment she set foot in your home. (I miss my dog. I don’t like the food, etc.) Just enjoy your quiet dinner.

PassComprehensive425 −  NTA- Pick up your dad and leave your mom the to go plate. It’s your mom who can’t be separated from her poodle. Why should dad suffer?

No_Philosopher_1870 −  NTA. Taking them plates, particularly plates with enough for several meals, is a good idea because at least your father will get a few extra meals out if it. I’m used to sending guests home with “care packages” of leftovers if they want them.

Liu1845 −  I’m always amused when someone is as unpleasant and obstructive as possible to their host(ess), then are flummoxed when they are no longer welcome or invited anymore. It’s very nice of you to still make them plates and deliver them. Give your dad a hug from me. Maybe next time, just invite him. He can take a plate home for your mom.. NTA.

Jazzlike-Being-7231 −  NTA. Your house, your rules. As the host you have invited them at the predetermined time and attempted to welcome them with their preferences. They can either attend under those conditions or not attend.

Significant-Bobcat48 −  NTA. Ur mom is prioritizing a poodle. Unless this dog is too sick and old to be left home alone, this is unreasonable of ur mom.