AITA for turning the house heater on when it was below 60 inside the house?

A Reddit user shares their experience of turning on the heater when their house was below 60 degrees, only to face unexpected backlash from their husband. The user feels conflicted, wondering if their action was inconsiderate or if their husband’s reaction was unwarranted. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for turning the house heater on when it was below 60 inside the house?’

I (41F) came home from work this morning and it was only 59 degrees inside the house, so I turned the thermostat on and set it to 60 degrees to try to take the edge of the cold off a bit. I hadn’t been feeling well and I’d worked the last couple of nights, so it felt especially cold when I walked in. I took care of chores and then went to sleep.

When my husband (42M) noticed that the heater was on when he got home, he asked me why I did that. I replied that it was cold when I got home. This evolved into an argument when he accused me of being entitled for turning the heater on and that I shouldn’t have touched it because he pays for the utilities. He said I was inconsiderate. I tried to apologize immediately and promised that I wouldn’t touch the thermostat again, but he continued to berate me and call me entitled.

Was I the a**hole for turning the thermostat to 60? I just felt so cold even with sweats and robes. I know he does pay for the electric bill, but his reaction seemed excessive. I wasn’t trying to waste his money. I only set it to 60 in the first place because I know he is frugal, and I didn’t want to upset him.

We both work full time, and we split the bills. I pay for the mortgage, our vacations, and pet insurance. He pays for our utilities (electric/solar, gas, trash/sewer, cable- I may be forgetting something). We both split food and vet costs, and we pay for our car payments, car insurance, health insurance, and personal costs out of our individual accounts. I have never tried to nickel and dime him about the things I pay for that are for him. Am I missing something? I don’t know. He is giving me the silent treatment right now, so I certainly feel like an a**hole.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

RazorWritesCode −  NTA. Entitled? Yeah. You **are** entitled to use your own heater in your own home. You shouldn’t have to ask for permission just because that bill is his responsibility. How’s he going to react if you put him in a motel 6 and you stay on a resort next time you go on vacation? By his logic, he’s not entitled to stay in the nice hotel.

External_Occasion123 −  In many places, rental law says apartments need to be at least 65 degrees in the winter for the heat to be adequate and the unit to be habitable. Your man is cheap and mean.. Written from my 77 degree bedroom

CapitalInstance4315 −  NTA. It feels like there is so much more wrapped into this story. My guess is, you’re paying significantly more of the monthly bills just based on the list of things each of you are paying for. The mortgage usually dwarfs all the utility costs. And maybe you do that because you make more than him. But, I also doubt that (on no actual information to suggest it).

If you want him to panic, I’d suggest just splitting the bills equally. Every month you get the bills, sit down and split them in half. Each of you pays that amount into a new joint account in which the bills are paid automatically. That way, there can be no arguing about, “I pay for that”. It becomes an argument of “we both pay for that”. If you do that, my guess is, you’re vacations will be a lot more ‘budget’.

Money problems are the hardest to talk through. But, putting myself in his place, because I am pretty frugal as well, if you’re able to show him you’ve been paying a significantly larger portion of the budget than he is, maybe he’ll come around to seeing your side of it. Lots of assumptions in this, but NTA still stands regardless of how much each pays towards the monthly bills.

Expensive-Ice-1179 −  Honey.. i also don’t pay the utilities.. Things I have absentmindedly done this month alone. Left the electric blanket on and went to work (5 times). Left the boiler/ heating going full blast (twice). Things my husband has never done about it…. Sulked..

LowBalance4404 −  What did I just read? Tell him he has to sleep elsewhere because you pay for the roof over his head and he’s acting entitled. Tell him your vacations are just for you now. NTA, but why on earth are you putting up with this?

globalAvocado −  You need to revisit your budget and find what contribution from you is necessary in order to have equal deciding power for all home decisions. It’s either split or it isn’t. (To be clear, I am mostly advocating to use his stringency against him. I do not think you *should have to* talk about your budget to fix this, but it might help him see it differently.)

TheLastPorkSword −  These stories honestly just make me wonder how I’m still single when all these assholes have wives and families….

SuperPookypower −  Seems like he’s just being a b**ly. A little bit of heat in the winter isn’t an unreasonable expectation. NTA.

amberallday −  Why do you feel so apologetic about such a small scrap of warmth? 60-deg is too cold function in – I just googled America minimum office temps, apparently it’s recommended to keep between 68-76 degrees. Kinda Y T A to yourself for being in a relationship where you feel the need to apologise for *still being miserably cold* – and where your husband agrees, to the point of giving you the silent treatment.

Does he often do that? Give out silent treatment if you do anything that he disagrees with, until you can’t bear it any longer & are willing to do anything to break the silence? Because that’s incredibly unhealthy as a way of living. As is keeping the house at under 18 degrees (64.5 Fahrenheit). If he’s really “frugal”, then get him to factor in the cost of healthcare needs triggered by living in an excessively cold house.

“Below 18-degC, negative health effects may occur, such as increases in blood pressure and the risk of blood clots which can lead to heart attacks and strokes.” [UK gov report] You are living in “poverty” levels of home heating, which it doesn’t sound you need to be doing from a financial perspective (if your overall budget includes holidays). A question to ask yourself – why is his need to not be triggered over “frugal” more important than you living your life at a basic comfortable temperature?

TheWoman2 −  NTA, of course keeping things below 60 degrees is unreasonable, and if you aren’t allowed to use the utilities he is paying for then he shouldn’t be allowed to use the house you are paying for. And even if it were something where you were 100% wrong (like turning up the heat with the window open) the way he is treating you would still be unacceptable.

I suggest you reevaluate the finances. For most families the mortgage is *a lot* more expensive than the utilities. It is unfair that you pay more and still have no say in the heat. Maybe suggest you switch responsibilities, then you can keep it as warm as you want and you will be paying for it so he will have no reason to complain. You could do the more fair thing and split all the shared expenses based on income, but then he would still complain about the heat.