AITA for trying to sneakily eat meat in front of my son?
A Reddit user (40F) has always respected her husband’s vegetarian lifestyle, and they decided to raise their 4-year-old son as a vegetarian. However, the user has occasionally sneaked meat into her meals when out, telling her son it was vegetarian food.
After being caught, her husband is furious not because of her eating meat, but because she lied to their son. The user is now questioning if her actions were wrong or if she was just trying to navigate a complicated situation. Read on to find out how this all unfolded.
‘ AITA for trying to sneakily eat meat in front of my son?’
I’m 40 (F). My husband is a vegetarian and I am not. He was vegetarian when we met and I have always respected it and he has always not been bothered by me eating meat. At home I have always eaten vegetarian since we cohabited, out of convenience for eating together.
When we had a child (now 4) we decided to raise him vegetarian. It is a strong belief of my husband, a neutral thing for me. I wanted to respect his beliefs. I do the cooking and cook vegetarian food for our son.
My son is v. smart and began to pick up whether I was vegetarian or not from 2 and a half onwards – this was developmentally earlier than I was expecting. Arguably, I didn’t deal with it the best way initially. I told my son I would go vegetarian after he said things like “I want you to be vegetarian and kind to animals, mummy”.
This reasoning of his came from me – I have always tried to enhance my husband’s views in my son by explaining were raising hom vegetarian as it’s important to be kind to animals. He conceptually understands d**th, from living in the countryside and knows that you eat dead animals if having meat.
This is where this comment of his came from. However, after telling my son I was vegetarian I still ate meat when not around him. Now to the AITA bit… I have, on occasion, snuck some meat into my order when eating out with him. For example, having a sosauges sandwich and saying it was veggie sausages.
I know it’s wrong to lie to kids, but I thought of it as a white lie. I kicked the can down the road to deal with all this when he’s older. Today I ordered a ham and cheese sandwich and the waitress announced it on delivery. My son picked up on this and, not upset too much, but told me I’d done bad behaviour.
My husband was there and has told me he’s furious at me. Not because of not being vegetarian, but because I lied to our son and then tried to sneak a bit of meat at lunch time. I feel this whole thing has been tricky to navigate and I’ve never even had a thank you for recognition from my husband that I have tried.. AITA?
Here’s how people reacted to the post:
DerpDevilDD − The biggest problem here is when your kid starts school and gets the s**t bullied out of him and/or getting into trouble with teachers (and being disliked by other parents) for trying to tell all the other kids they’re bad for eating meat. Raising him veggie is your choice, fine.
Doing it by telling him it’s bad to eat meat was absolutely the wrong thing to do. Lying to him made it worse. You guys need to focus on undoing the damage and changing his mindset so that he understands different people can have different diets and that’s okay.
And your husband is probably going to have to come to terms with the fact that once your kid has a healthy attitude about what people can eat, he’s going to want to try meat at some point.. ESH (except the kid)
FairyCompetent − YTA for lying, but your husband should back up your choices the way you back his. He should express gratitude to you in front of your son for agreeing to a vegetarian household, and he should be clear that it’s a personal choice and you’re not bad or wrong for choosing differently.
If your partner can’t honestly say that, then you have bigger problems. It’s fine to disagree, it’s not fine to have disdain or contempt for your partner’s choices.
LaLunaDomina − YTA. You are going to confuse your kid, at the very least. He heard his parent, who teaches him what is right and wrong, say one thing and do another.
You don’t actually believe what you are teaching him, and he could easily pick up on that. And instead of teaching him that different people exist, you are trying to trick him. This is not a healthy way to go about any of this.
[Reddit User] − NTA Your mistake was trying to hide it. You’re not a vegetarian and you don’t need to lie about it to your son or anyone else.
Lucky_Six_1530 − NTA and honestly teaching him that you “are doing something bad” by eating meat is really unhealthy. I hope your husband and you did research into the types of proteins that need to be substituted with vegetarian children.
You can put them in severely malnourished state if you are aren’t being careful to make sure they are getting what they need. This is why vegetarianism and veganism in children is such a controversial subject among pediatricians.
Either way, brainwashing him that someone is doing something bad by eating meat is not the way to go. Just be honest and say you like meat and choose to eat it.
eternalsunshine-65 − ESH. you’re setting your kid up to have a fucked up relationship with food that can cause serious problems down the road. *edit: for being the sneaking and white lies, not for just eating meat*
rockology_adam − YTA, less for the actual act, and more for not actually be truthful with your son about your own beliefs. You aren’t actually vegetarian.
You’re just vegetarian at home for convenience. Your son can make toddler requests like “be kind to animals” all he wants. The appropriate answer there is that you believe it is ok to eat animals, and you do so when you are out.
Sad-Concentrate2936 − NTA but you’re not very smart, are you? You put yourself in a no win situation where your child thinks you’re evil for eating meat.
Apart_Insect_8859 − INFO: you sure your husband is actually ok with you eating meat? Sounds like he’s actually not at all. Him being “furious” at you for eating meat means he is a lying l**r who has been lying.
He played lip service to being ok with it because you actually turned vegetarian for him, and are complying with his wishes and preferences regarding meal choice, personal doctrine, and raising his kid (yes, HIS kid.) I think you know that.
If your husband was actually ok with you not being vegetarian exactly like him, there wouldn’t be all of this shame you’re feeling, or feeling like you have to sneak around, and he wouldn’t be having you tell the kid not being vegetarian is evil and mean to animals so you *have to* be vegetarian or face your kid thinking you’re s**t.
The only way through this is to say “You know what? You’re right, I shouldn’t have to hide and lying about this was bad. I don’t know why I felt I had to. I am not vegetarian, so I’m going to order what I like in restaurants and I’m going to cook what I like.
Thank you for making me realize sneaking and lying was not the answer, and for supporting my decision.” And then shut down any and all discussion from your husband.
He can take over cooking at home if he feels that strongly, but he cannot police what you order at restaurants, and knocking off the whole eating meat = bad people is a non negotiable.
benbever − Me and my wife don’t eat meat, and neither do our children. They know why. They know they can decide for themselves when they’re older. My parents sometimes watch the children, or we eat together at their place. They do eat meat.
Other people do as well. Our children know this is a personal choice. They did ask questions about it, but rarely do anymore. We never lied about it. Don’t lie and sneakily eat food. Just tell him you sometimes eat meat.
It’s normal for children to see grown ups do things that they can’t do yet, or that some people do, and some don’t. Like eating spicy food, drinking a glass of wine, driving a car, watching a horror movie etc.
Do you think the mother’s decision to sneak meat and lie to her son was justified given the circumstances, or was it a betrayal of trust? How would you have approached this delicate situation? Share your thoughts below!