AITA for trying to evict my family home’s elderly caretaker?

“A Redditor shared a challenging situation involving their family’s long-time vacation home caretaker. For 20 years, the elderly caretaker has lived rent-free in the home, but over time, she has let the property fall into disrepair and resisted necessary repairs. Now, the Redditor and their mother want to evict her, but their grandfather feels guilty and is hesitant to take action.”

‘ AITA for trying to evict my family home’s elderly caretaker?’

TLDR: e**itled family vacation home caretaker of 20 years is not caretaking the home despite living there rent free. Grandfather wants to let her stay, mom and I want to evict her. My grandparents bought a vacation home in a small mountain town back in the early 2000s and found P, an older retired woman, to be a tenant and caretaker.

P is expected to do basic things like periodically dust, drip faucets in the winter and run dehumidifiers during the summer, coordinate with landscapers, and notify us if the house needs any repairs (which my family pays to have fixed). **Importantly, P does not and has never paid rent or utilities. She lives in the home for free. My grandfather is a bleeding heart, and she’s friends with some of my grandparents closest friends.**

Over the past decade P has become increasingly difficult and has let the house fall into disrepair. My partner and I unknowingly moved there in 2022 and stayed for a year. In that time we discovered leaks in the roof and windows, rotting siding and porches, mold, etc. Tens of thousands of dollars of repairs.

When we tried to find a contractor P fought us. She insisted that the work didn’t need to be done. She told that everything was fine. She lied about when major appliances (eg hot water heater) were serviced. She told us we weren’t allowed to have contractors come into her part of the house, despite giving multiple heads up over multiple days prior.

She is emotionally combative towards my family and is generally one of these “woe is me, the world owes me” type of people. We don’t see any signs of dementia or altered sense of reality (I work in the mental health field and am familiar with what these look like) that would explain the behavior, although I suspect a personality disorder.

My partner and I now avoid staying there because dealing with her is exhausting. My mom and I want my grandfather to evict her. We feel that she is going to continue to damage the house. My grandfather was initially on board, but now is hedging and saying he feels bad and just wants to wait for things to “naturally take their course”.

AITA for continuing to pressure my grandfather to evict her? She is financially supporting a disabled sister on only SSI. She likely would not be able to find other housing in the area. I believe housing is a basic human right…but I don’t think that means we need to provide that housing.

Lets dive into the reactions from Reddit:

eowynsheiress −  NTA. This is a business arrangement. She does work and she receives board/rent. If she is no longer willing or able to address major issues with the property, she is not able to receive her “pay.” You guys have a difficult situation and I think you need to involve lawyers to know what you can demand of her and what options you have going forward.

I would recommend that if you want to give her a “improvement plan” to determine if she can stay, you be very clear on all her expected tasks. She would need to document and provide you or your grandpa with proof of all maintenance done and all contractor inspections you require monthly or yearly or whatever.

IrrelevantManatee −  YTA. This house is not yours, and your grandpa decided she is staying. Stop badgering him. It’s not your decision.

Dry-Nectarine-3580 −  NTA: 1) figure out the legal s**t.
2) P sounds an awful lot like grandpas side piece. Be prepared for some s**t like that.

TheGoodJeans −  A question occurs to me, is the home owned by the entire family or is your Grandpa the sole owner?

thepatriot74 −  Take your grandpa to the house or at least do a video house tour for him. If he is still willing to pay for its disrepair, it is up to him, I guess, although I would also be frustrated to see a close family member wasting tens of thousands, especially on some unpleasant stranger.

Ask your grandpa this – does he want to be remembered by his family for this “good deed” ? If he wants to be charitable, tell him you will help him setup a scholarship for n**dy kids at his alma mater or something. NTA.

Quiet_Village_1425 −  Tell your grandfather you’re done trying to help. If he wants his house destroyed then so be it. You’re out.

justalwayscurious −  NTA – I know on Reddit people tend to be big on “you have no say in anyone else’s finances” and often that is true but these issues can be nuanced.

Even if this was only your grandfather’s house which from the comments may or may not be true, the fact is as people get older they need other people to help manage their assets and finances as their cognitive abilities decline making them more susceptible to people taking advantage of them hence why they are labeled as vulnerable people and often times targeted by frauds and scams.. Given that…

– She was provided free housing and utilities for 20 years in exchange for her taking care of the property which she has failed to do

– She has not only not taken care of the property but lies about doing work she hasn’t done, actively sabotages the owner and family from doing the job she is failing to do AND treats her employer and family so rudely they don’t even want to live in their own property which shows such entitlement it beggars belief.

– The grandfather wants the property to be kept in the family which if the house becomes more damaged by her mismanagement may no longer be financially feasible.

– Your interests are not just about protecting your family’s asset but also about not wanting him to continue to be taken advantage of by a self-victimizing and e**itled person who expects their employer to fund their poor life decisions.

Nevermore_Novelist −  NTA, If you’re paying a person to do a job, and they don’t do that job, then why are you paying them (assuming you pay them; you don’t mention that in your post, but I can’t imagine you wouldn’t be)? If the deal is that she keep up on light housekeeping chores and inform you of larger jobs to be done, and in exchange she lives there rent-free, and she’s not keeping up her end of the deal, then she needs to go

*”In that time we discovered leaks in the roof and windows, rotting siding and porches, mold, etc.”* Black mold can be deadly. Structural damage can cause severe injury or even d**th, particularly in the elderly. How would she defend herself if your grandfather was injured or died because she is, essentially, being criminally negligent?

 

*”She told us we weren’t allowed to have contractors come into her part of the house, despite giving multiple heads up over multiple days prior.”*
It’s not “her part of the house”, she happens to occupy a space in your grandfather’s house.

She doesn’t *own* the house; she doesn’t get to dictate whether you bring contractors in to make repairs, regardless of where the repairs are located. She needs to go. For your peace of mind and your grandfather’s continued good health, she needs to go. Today.

Strong-Panic −  Nta and people on here are insane. I think you ultimately need to leave the decision up to the homeowner but this woman was given the best free ride I have ever heard of and is still letting the house fall into disrepair. Then fighting you guys on actually getting things fixed up? I am honestly perpl as to why she is so controlling about contractors fixing a roof.

Active-Anteater1884 −  But YOU’RE not providing housing, are you? Your grandfather is. And for whatever reason, he’d like her to stay put.
Does it sound like this woman is taking great care of the house? Absolutely not. But I don’t understand how this is your concern.

There are also parts of your post that don’t make a lot of sense to me. <<My partner and I unknowingly moved there in 2022 and stayed for a year. How does one “unknowingly” move to a house? Did you just wake up there one morning? I also wonder whether you were actually paying rent when you lived there.

Either way, it seems to me that you have a tremendous sense of entitlement. This place belongs to your grandfather. He can let it rot and fall over if that’s his choice. My guess is you and your mom want more control over the place because you will eventually inherit it … you want it to retain its value. And that makes your calling the caretaker “e**itled” is hysterical to me.. YTA.