AITA for threatening to kick my step daughter out unless she apologises to my daughter?

A Reddit user shares a story about a conflict involving his stepdaughter, Kelly (16F), and his biological daughter, Nina (12F). After discovering that Kelly had been bullying Nina at school, particularly making cruel remarks about Nina’s mother passing away during childbirth, the user confronted Kelly.

Kelly refused to apologize and accused him of favoring Nina. The situation escalated when Kelly began saying more hurtful things about both Nina and their younger sibling. In response, the user gave Kelly 48 hours to move out and stay with her biological father unless she apologized.

His wife, Anna, and Kelly are upset, with Anna accusing him of overstepping as a parent. The post concludes by inviting everyone to watch the story below.

‘ AITA for threatening to kick my step daughter out unless she apologises to my daughter?’

I(40m) have a daughter “Nina”(12f). I also have a step daughter “Kelly”(16f) and me and my wife “Anna” have a child(6f) together. This is about Nina and Kelly. I have met my wife when Kelly was 5 and within a year she and Kelly moved in with me.

The house we live in has been in my family for generations and passed on to me when I was really young. I have also made some renovations there. It is a 4 bedroom house with 4 bathrooms (one is downstairs and is a guest one, with 3 upstairs, one is shared between 2 rooms), so each girl has her own room and an ensuite, which is especially helpful with Kelly due to how long she now takes with her make up.

This has started about a month ago when Nina would come home crying due to b**lying at her school. Me and Anna spend ages trying to get the school to do something and find out where the b**lying comes from.

It all came to a conclusion a week ago when we found out that it was Kelly who was spreading the rumours about Nina. I was furious and confronted her about it as some rumors were based on Nina not having a mum (she died during childbirth).

Kelly didn’t take the confrontation very well. She accused me of favouring Nina (Nina has slightly bigger bedroom but smaller bathroom) and Kelly wanted more space.

I said I am not going to move Nina out of her room after all these years and Kelly has already declined to swap with us as she doesn’t want to share her bathroom with anyone, including our 6 years old.

I have told Kelly that she must apologise to Nina as some of the things she said were vile and not deserved and told her she will be grounded as she still behaved like Nina’s friend while spreading those rumours behind her back.

Kelly threw a fit and claimed Nina is a threat to her and her reputation, but I stayed firm as I don’t see how a 12yo can be a threat to a highschooler? As Kelly started saying more vile things about Nina and our 6yo, I have told her she has 48 hours to pick her belongings and I will be dropping her off at her dad’s (she visits him every other week), where she will have to share a room and the bathroom with her other half siblings.

Kelly and Anna are both annoyed at me over this and have called me an a**hole. Anna said I have no right to parent Kelly, but she is in my home and her behaviour towards my daughters is not acceptable.

Edit: I might have worded it wrong, by dropping her off I don’t mean Kelly will be living at her dad’s permanently. This is until she apologises to Nina for the things she said to her and about her, and to me and Anna over what was said about our 6yo, since some of it was unnecessary cruel and untrue.

Edit: I know it is late, but here is a small update. I have spoken to Anna about what Kelly said about Nina and our 6yo and have also showed this post. Anna has apologised for brushing it off, she said Kelly didn’t tell her most of the story and blamed others on the rumours and she haven’t realised the extend of it.

She will be having a conversation with Kelly and Kelly’s dad tomorrow as this behaviour is not acceptable or appropriate. To put it lightly she is horrified of the comments made by her about both girls and finds it vile, she is also shocked that Kelly made them in the first place.

Now to address some of the comments. Having Kelly to go and live with her father is a temporary solution and never intended to be permanent, especially if she changes her ways.

It was more to separate her from Nina and 6yo to make sure no more damage is done while we are not watching. If roles were reversed and it was Nina who is at fault, I would have sent her to her grandparents to sort out the next move.

I have seen a lot of suggestions about therapy, Anna said she will book it as soon as she has a chat with Kelly as she wants to know what caused a sudden change.

I’m not cutting Kelly from my will, unless she carrys on displaying such anger towards her sisters. I’m not selling TS tickets either since it is something Kelly wanted to attend for years.

However if there’s no progress it will be my wife and her friend going to see TS. Nina is having a few days off from school and I will be taking her out to the zoo and spending some father/daughter time together, I will also ask if she feels she wants therapy to talk things through.

Me and Anna will also be taking our 6yo to see some cartoons this weekend and to her favourite cafe (Nina can come too, but she is usually busy at the riding school on the weekends).

Lets dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Sebscreen −  NTA. Anna said I have no right to parent Kelly, Excuse me? If they happily accepted your “right” to parent her when it was about providing an ample 4 bedroom house, including a bedroom with an ensuite for Kelly, then they should have no problem seeing your right to parent her when she is trying to ruin the lives of her sisters.

PlateNo7021 −  NTA, You do have a right to parent her, when you married her mom you became the step-dad. She shoulnd’t be saying s**tty stuff about Nina nor the 6yo. She’s extremely jealous of her sisters. Anna should be on your side here, you’re not asking for much here, just want her to apologize and stop her horrible behaviour.

bythebrook88 −  She accused me of favouring Nina (Nina has slightly bigger bedroom but smaller bathroom) and Kelly wanted more space. I said I am not going to move Nina out of her room after all these years and Kelly has already declined to swap with us as she doesn’t want to share her bathroom with anyone, including our 6 years old.

INFO: Have you asked Kelly exactly *how* b**lying her stepsister will provide Kelly with ‘more space’? Because it seems to me that she is trying to drive out both of her sisters so she can be the only child at home.

This is a crazy thing to do when the girls are 12 and 6, and are living with their parents – they have no other parent to live with, unlike Kelly. I assume Nina has the larger room because she was already occupying it when Kelly and Anna moved in, and ensuring stability for Nina was very important when the family was being ‘blended’?

ChubbyLola −  NTA. If she’s not a safe person for your daughter to be around then separating them is the best option, she would be safe and taken care of in her father’s home, also your her step parent so parenting is part of it

Appropriate-Bat2762 −  NTA. If you’re not allowed to “parent”, you’re under no obligation to provide living space. Kelly is behaving this badly because she knows her mum will “tut, tut” but there will be no consequences. Kelly, meet consequences!

Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss −  What, if anything, has Anna said to her daughter Kelly about Kelly’s behavior?

chelsea5532 −  Both the wife and daughter need to go. I guarantee if the roles were reversed your wife would have a lot more to say about it. PROTECT YOUR DAUGHTER.

Jolly-Bandicoot7162 −  ESH except Nina. Anna, if she isn’t going to let you parent, needs to step up and actually do some parenting herself. Kelly is behaving appallingly, no question about it.

But now to why I think you are also TA – tell me, if they were full sisters and there was no option to send her elsewhere until she was prepared to apologise, how would you and Anna resolve this situation? Sending her elsewhere is quite frankly a bit of a cop-out.

If Kelly apologises, it won’t be because she means it, it will be because it was the easiest thing to do. It doesn’t mean she won’t be n**ty to Nina or the 6 year old again either. You need a better resolution. Kelly is clearly massively resentful about something, and I’d suggest it goes deeper than the size of her bedroom.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. got to protect your daughters, bc the mother certainly didn’t. although i am not sure what the resolution is going to be coming out of this. teenagers can be stubborn.

mercvriis −  Gonna go NTA, considering your other comments and your wife’s seemingly flippant “sisterly war” excuse. What kelly is doing to nina and the 6 year old is so unnecessary, unfair, and disrespectful to both of them. like i get it, i was also an ahole at 16 but i didn’t b**ly literal children.

kelly needs to learn that there are consequences for her actions and your wife is wrong. this will not resolve itself, at least not without therapy for everyone. stuff like this lingers and eventually nina will grow resentful of not only kelly but you and your wife if nothing is done.

i mean this genuinely, get kelly into therapy when she comes back. bc i can guarantee you her apology won’t be genuine, she will only apologize to get back to the home.

Do you think the father was justified in threatening to have Kelly move out, or should he have handled the situation differently to avoid such an extreme measure? How would you navigate complex family dynamics like these? Share your thoughts below.