AITA for telling the people renting land from my in-laws they should be nicer to me if they want to keep renting when my husband takes over the lease?
A Reddit user describes a tense situation with neighbors who rent pastureland from their in-laws. After repeated complaints about personal habits like smoking and nudity around the house, the user snapped, reminding the neighbors that they’re only renters and warning them to be nicer if they want to renew their lease once her husband takes over the farm. Was this a justified response, or did the Redditor overstep? Read the full story below to judge for yourself.
‘ AITA for telling the people renting land from my in-laws they should be nicer to me if they want to keep renting when my husband takes over the lease?’
My husband and I, and his parents, live on their farm. We renovated it to make it a hobby farm again. There are three pastures: two my husband uses and the third we were repairing to use it. My ILs were aware of this.
During our repairs, one of the neighbors asked my ILs about renting out the pasture because they had too many heads for the land they already had. My ILs agreed because it was the “right” thing to do according to their faith and it’d generate a bit more income for them before they moved.
My husband and I weren’t happy about it but stuck a pin in our plans to see how things played out until the end of the lease to see if something could be worked out to accommodate everyone. We’re now 3 months into this arrangement and it’s been a nightmare. The path to the pasture goes right by our house since it’s close to it.
They have complained about my smoking the good stuff on my porch no matter what time I go out to smoke. They complain that I play music they don’t want their kids to hear. They complain that we use our firepit which is about 50 yards from the pasture. I reached the end of my patience yesterday: When I’m getting ready in the mornings or after a shower I walk around our house nude.
My ILs house isn’t anywhere in sight and we’re tucked off our road going through the farm so our curtains are always open. If I see the renter’s truck going over before I shower I either close the curtains or just get dressed. No one was at the pasture yesterday when I took my shower and I didn’t see the truck after so I just walked around the house for a while. After about 25 minutes there was a knock at the door.
It was the neighbors. They complained that I needed to be more considerate and ‘act decent’ by putting clothes on because I should be well aware by now they bring their kids with them to take care of the cattle, and they don’t want their kids seeing that. Then they started about how they’re paying good money to use the pasture and paid out of pocket to make it usable.
I stopped them there and told them they didn’t do all the work to make it usable, it was already halfway done because of my husband and me. I also told them, paraphrasing here, “You don’t own the farm, you’re only renting one pasture so you’ve got no right to tell me what to do in and around my own house.
Don’t want to accidentally see something? Stop looking at our windows. If you want any chance of having your lease renewed after my husband takes over, you should stop acting so self-important, act like the people of faith you claim to be, and be nicer to me.”
They told my ILs about it who took it to my husband. He’s fine with what I said as he’s had his own issues with them, but we’re wondering if we should apologize to ILs and the neighbors to keep the peace if I handled it wrong. We’d like some outsider views, so AITA?
Additional info: We are not waiting for my ILs to die, nor is it a matter of ‘if’ he inherits but ‘when’. Early inheriting is a thing that reduces the inheritance tax here and makes the transfer go more smoothly. They’ve already started the process for turning the farm over to my husband’s ownership so that when they move in with BIL in 1-2 years its already done or at the very least, close to completion.
Update: After my husband got home last night we went down to ILs house to apologize and talk to them about this whole situation. They had an idea about some of what was going on, but not each and every thing that has happened. They apologized to us as well saying they didn’t think the renters would be that bad and wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt by helping them.
Turns out ILs had already talked to them once after the renters called the sheriff on my husband/friends at the fishing pond and when the renters went to them about our confrontation, they did not tell the truth: the renters told ILs I was deliberately standing in the windows and going outside briefly. Going to the pasture smoking. My husband was pissed and so were they.
They decided to call the renters this morning to have them come over for a talk. The husband of that pair couldn’t come so it was a phone call on speaker. ILs reiterated to them that my husband is their point of contact for all things related to the farm and they need to take any complaints and concerns to them him because he is the one they will be dealing with soon.
They made it clear they would not tolerate the lying to get their way and that they and my husband needed to come up with a solution. At that point, they turned the call to my husband and he did apologize for the outburst but told them that we would not be changing our lifestyle to one they thought we should had because we’re all adults here.
He told them that he had a few solutions that he thought might make this arrangement work for everyone. He started with again stating the simplest solution was for them to just call ahead so I know to turn down the music while I’m outside working, not smoke, etc but the guy hung up at that.
He did not pick up again when my husband and ILs tried to call again. So that’s where we are at- my husband is taking the day off to speak with the family’s lawyer about what to do. Thanks everyone for the input, both the good and the bad!
See what others had to share with OP:
sdp82 − “Act like the people of faith you claim to be” – I love this. They’re just mad they got called out on their b**lshit. NTA.
Eliju − This thread is wild. NTA-doesn’t matter who owns what. You can be naked in your own house and you can smoke weed if it’s legal in your state. And even if it’s not, still kind of a gray area. And I’ve never know a farm that doesn’t have a burn pit or the occasional bonfire or even a wood grill or stove or fireplace or something that otherwise makes smoke. I mean smoke kind of goes with a farm.
PinkPrincess61 − LOL…..NTA. What nerve! They’re ***leasing*** a pasture and want to have input into what happens around it? That’s when you bring out the thong bikini and lay out. With a pitcher of wine, music blasting, and roaches nearby.
Edit to say: double check on the notification laws regarding agricultural leases. Where I’m from, folks have to be notified by a certain date that the landowner will not be continuing with the current lease-holder. If deadline missed, you’re locked in with the same people. We had to send a certified letter of notification to meet legal standards.
slasherbobasher − NTA. These people aren’t living on the land; they live elsewhere and are just renting the pasture. I can’t see how they have any right to tell you how to live in your own house.
[Reddit User] − NTA. If I’m understanding this correctly; your husband is close to inheriting/taking over this property. Your neighbors need to respect the rules y’all lay out, so it’s good to confront them before it becomes a bigger issue.
Tannim44 − NTA, but I’d make sure that whatever agreement your husband has with his parents is in writing because they’re not acting like people who plan on handing anything over.
pippi2424 − NTA. They shouldn’t be looking to begin with. Aren’t they there to work?
pdx503 − So many nerds in this subreddit jfc.
Apologize to the in-laws if you want, but NTA.
Ok_Register3005 − Nta. They’re crossing ask kinda of lines. There’s no way I’d renew their lease.
beanfiddler − NTA. You’re both effectively your IL’s tenants. What you do on your leasehold is your business and what they do on their leasehold is theirs. Only the ILs get a say because they’re the landlords. It’s maybe a bit rude to point out that your husband will eventually be the landlord, but well, they started it by being snoops about what you do on your land. Maybe apologize to the ILs for not deescalating the drama, but the neighbors s**k. They’re tenants, not your landlords.
Do you think the Redditor was right to stand her ground and set boundaries with the renters, or should she have handled the situation more diplomatically? How would you manage a conflict over shared space and privacy on a family farm? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!