AITA for telling someone she’s the common denominator in her failed friendships?
A Reddit user shared a story about an interaction with her boyfriend’s friend group that took a dramatic turn.
During a conversation about wedding preparations, one of the friends, “S,” made dismissive comments about her preference for male friendships over female ones, implying that women are “petty and catty.”
The user responded with a pointed remark about S being the common denominator in her failed friendships, sparking tension in the group. Curious about the dynamics? Read the full story below!
‘ AITA for telling someone she’s the common denominator in her failed friendships?’
I’ve been with my parter for a year now and have met most of his friends. He’s very close to his friend group from high school which I think is very sweet. His best friend is getting married next year, and my bf is one of his groomsmen so we’ve been spending more time with his friend group lately.
I’m admittedly not super keen on one of his friends (S) but I’ve always just chalked it up to personality differences. She’s quite loud and dominates conversation a lot, but it’s not like I don’t like her, I just find her a bit much.
We were in a zoom with bfs friends, shooting s**t and the wedding came up. At one point we were talking about outfits etc and S said how much she hates shopping and was dreading going shopping.
She made a weird comment about how she’s so not girly and ‘one of the guys’ which I found immature, she’s a grown woman after all, but I didn’t say anything.
S asked if I knew what I was wearing and I said no, but I had planned to go shopping with a friend of mine who also had an event coming up. I was going to ask S if she’d like to come with us, but she interrupted saying ‘Oh, that’s so cute! I just don’t like stuff like that, I don’t hang out with other girls, I just prefer being with the guys.’
Which I found really patronising to be honest. It was clear I was annoyed, and the conversation kind of took a turn.Me: So you have never had a friendship with another woman before? S: No I have, I just find a lot of girls petty and catty, don’t you?
Me: No I don’t. I’m friends with lots of women, we compliment each other, go shopping together and occasionally share pastries sometimes. S: Oh I could never, girls always talk behind my back!
Me: You know, if every single relationship you’ve ever had with another woman has gone sour, there’s a common denominator there, and it’s not the fact that they’re other women, it’s probably you.
A couple others laughed, and tried to move onto a different topic of conversation, but it was clear S was angry. She logged off early and later texted my boyfriend and said I was way out of line.
He replied and told her he didn’t think so, and if she was one of the guys she should be used to a bit of gentle ribbing every now and then. I feel a bit bad because all though I felt hurt by her comments, she seems quite insecure to me, plus it’s not really my friendship group so I may have been a bit over bearing. AITA?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
_Booty_Cheeks − NTA. She seems like one of the ‘im not like other girls’ which is so not a nice personality trait. She was out of line for making comments about your friendships but when u said something about hers she is acting so hurt by them, that is not okay.
She was saying it in front of every one, i believe all or mostly guys(in the friendgroup) how she likes to hang out more with boys than girls, making her seem(in my opinion)like she is better than you because of it.
Maybe she is jealous of you if she was the only girl in the friendgroup and now you are aswell, so she wants them to think that she is better than you.
Idk i just see it as she like shaming you which is not okay, and what you said isnt that hurtful if it is true.. Edit: spelling
Edit2: spelling again, btw thanks for all of the upvotes 🙂
Trish521459 − The internalized misogyny isn’t cute, I really dislike women who demean other women.
NTA, she is talking to a woman about how much women suck and you dealt out some truth.
foodytwoshoes − NTA. Was what you said harsh? Heck yeah.
But tbh those kind of “oh I’m not like any other girl” girls are SO. DAMNED. ANNOYING. They’ll keep pointing out how “quirky” they are, and won’t let anyone forget it. Eg: “I LOOOOVE chicken nuggets; I hate shopping; I prefer beer over fancy drinks”.
Like, gurl, hellavu other girls do too, they’re just not constantly shoving it in people’s faces.
And honestly, if EVERY other women can’t stand you, the problem isn’t them.
She probably hasn’t developed the capability to be close with other females because interactions between males and females are relatively different. So what you said is very apt. So OP, you were very harsh, (and I guess the truth hurts real bad for her) but it doesn’t make you an AH.
Santosp3 − Can I just say your bf is great. He replied and told her he didn’t think so, and if she was one of the guys she should be used to a bit of gentle ribbing every now and then.
Maybe, just maybe, she hangs out with guy for attention that girls don’t have.
emanresuelbaliavayna − ESH. She was being underhanded and a bit condescending, which was unnecessary. You for offended and responded by trying to embarrass her in front of her friends, which is also unnecessary.
You’re adults, both the “I’m very unique because my friends are male” and the “If you struggle with female friendships it because there’s something wrong with you as a person” nonsense should have died out when you left high school, and her behaving like an adolescent isn’t an excuse for you to do the same.
Asmodean129 − So instead of being catty behind her back, you feel you did the noble thing by being catty to her face, in front of her friends? ESH. All you have done is validate her feelings.
PaleSorrow − NTA, this kind of person does f**k friendships all the time. I once had a friend like this, she would hang with me and talk trash about girls all the time, how she hates pink, how she plays videogames so much, how she was just more like a guy and how she was my friend because I was like her…
But actually I am not, i have girl friends, i like go shopping with them, i like makeup and a lot of other things she would call petty or stupid.
She would always come up defensive around another woman and say things like S in your story, like: I dont like womans because they are false and talk trash behind my back. but actually she was the one doing it all the time to me, and even about me to other people.
You can try talk to her and explain why shes acting imature and how this can be toxic to her and how shes being mean to other girls, but I really dont think you did bad, she can harsh girls and brag about how “unique” she is and other girls are petty to look cool to her friends but cant take some truth?
Ps: Sorry about english, its not my main language and im on mobile.
[Reddit User] − ESH. Yeah she’s annoying, and you may be right, but come on OP, that was a low blow.
Small_Bike − NTA. Sounds like she’s nOt LiKe OtHeR gIrLs. I, unfortunately, know women like this. One is the gf of one of my husband’s friends. She says that other women don’t like her because she’s skinny and has two kids. Y
eeeeah, that’s not it. She’s very non-threatening, but likes to think she is. Every word out of her mouth is incredibly misogynistic and/ or transphobic. So yeah, not a pleasant person to be around.
[Reddit User] − YTA. Sometimes even if there’s some truth in something, it doesn’t mean you’re the one who needs to say it especially if you’re not close to that person.
She wasn’t being that n**ty to you on a personal level anyway, she just said something you Find disagreeable.
I don’t think it’ll help her change anything or introspect OP, just prove her right in her own mind about women.
Do you think the Redditor’s response was justified or overly harsh? How do you handle situations where someone unfairly stereotypes others? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!