AITA for telling someone I (28M) didn’t want to babysit my girlfriend (24F)?

Bringing a partner as your plus-one is often about inclusivity—letting them share in milestones and introducing them to your social circle. Yet sometimes, assumptions creep in: maybe they wouldn’t want to spend hours in a room of strangers, or perhaps you simply fear feeling stuck together the entire night. In this scenario, one boyfriend made a “joke” about not wanting to “babysit” his girlfriend at a friend’s wedding, only to discover how hurtful those words can sound.

While the boyfriend believed she wouldn’t have attended anyway, his decision to leave her out of the loop and his dismissive comment raised eyebrows. Is it harmless banter, or a sign of deeper disregard for her feelings? Let’s see how the conversation unfolded—and why social etiquette around plus-ones sometimes matters more than we think.

‘AITA for telling someone I (28M) didn’t want to babysit my girlfriend (24F)?’

It’s common courtesy to at least inform your partner of a plus-one invitation. Even if you suspect they might decline, giving them the option respects their autonomy. Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship therapist, emphasizes that “participating in big social events—like weddings—helps couples establish shared experiences and deeper relational roots.” By withholding the invite, the boyfriend implicitly decided his partner’s enjoyment (or lack thereof) for her, which can come across as patronizing or disrespectful.

Moreover, the offhand comment about “not wanting to babysit” underscores how language can wound even if it’s meant as a joke. Social psychologist Dr. Heidi Grant points out that “jokes often reveal underlying truths about how we view situations.” In this case, the phrase “babysit” implies the girlfriend would be a burden—a notion that’s far from playful to the person on the receiving end. When jokes target your partner’s perceived insecurities or imply they are needy, it can cultivate resentment or damage trust over time.

Additionally, publicly framing your partner as someone you’d have to “manage” in a social setting is a misstep in couples dynamics. It signals to others that you find your partner’s needs inconvenient, which can lead to embarrassment or the perception that you lack respect for them. Dr. Greer notes, “How you speak about your partner to friends influences both your partner’s self-confidence and your friends’ image of the relationship.”

What could have been done differently? Clear, direct communication is key. Offering her the choice to come—or not—would have shown respect. If she felt anxious about knowing no one, you could strategize ways to make the evening fun for both of you (like introducing her to people or planning conversation starters). “Establishing a team approach to social events can strengthen bonds,” Dr. Grant says. “When partners feel they can rely on each other for support, it fosters mutual respect and closeness.”

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Redditors largely responded with disapproval, highlighting potential red flags. Some questioned whether the boyfriend truly likes or respects his girlfriend if he’s calling her a “burden” to mutual friends. Others emphasized how easily a polite heads-up could have smoothed everything over.

Ultimately, the consensus is that excluding a partner from a wedding invite—and then characterizing them as a problem to be managed—comes across as both insensitive and dismissive.

Choosing to skip a plus-one invitation might seem harmless if you assume your partner wouldn’t enjoy it. But making jokes that diminish their autonomy or dignity can backfire painfully. The real issue here? Communication—knowing your partner’s preferences, offering them a chance to decide for themselves, and speaking about them in a way that fosters mutual respect.

Have you ever felt obligated to “babysit” a partner at a social function, or been on the receiving end of such an attitude? Share your insights in the comments. Sometimes, small gestures—like extending an invite—can go a long way toward healthy relationship dynamics.