AITA for telling my younger sister that there would be consequences for disrespecting me?

A Reddit user shares a dilemma involving his younger sister’s disrespectful behavior, which he feels has been influenced by their stepmom, with whom he has a strained relationship.

After noticing that his sister mimics some of their stepmom’s negative remarks, he tried to set boundaries, explaining that disrespect could lead to consequences, like losing privileges or apologizing. His stepmom, however, disagreed, saying he doesn’t have the right to discipline his sister, which has left him feeling disheartened.

‘ AITA for telling my younger sister that there would be consequences for disrespecting me?’

I (21M) have a younger sister (9F) who looks up to our stepmom, with whom I don’t have the best relationship. My stepmom sometimes takes little jabs at me, and I’ve noticed my sister mimicking this behavior, which hurts my feelings.

I understand that kids are impressionable, so I try to guide my sister in a positive direction. However, she often responds with comments like “You’re not the boss here” and “Your opinion doesn’t matter.”

One day, after another instance of disrespect, I told her that if she continued this behavior, there would be consequences, like losing her video game privileges or writing an apology letter. My stepmom was very upset and said I had no right to discipline my sister, claiming I don’t take care of her. This hurt because I often babysit and help out with her, even when it’s inconvenient for me.

Our relationship has been strained because of how my stepmom treated me growing up, and I worry that this dynamic is affecting how my sister and I interact.

I genuinely want to be a good older brother, but I feel like I’m constantly criticized and blamed for things that aren’t entirely my fault. AITA for telling my sister that there would be consequences for her behavior?

Check out how the community responded:

Maybaby31 −  2 thoughts on this. First stop babysitting especially if it’s not convenient for you, stepmom says you don’t take care of your sister so don’t help them out except maybe in an emergency. Second unless the game privileges are coming from you alone(like it’s your console) you don’t have the right to take it away from her no matter how snotty she is to you.

You do have the right to put space between you two and have the freedom to tell her that you don’t want to be around her if she’s going to have a crappy attitude towards you.

Impossible_Rain_4727 −  ESH: She is not your child, you do not get to enforce a punishment on her. Especially without discussing it with her parent’s knowledge/permission.

A better approach would have been: “If you do X, I won’t do Y”. i.e “If you make mean comments, I won’t don’t drive you to the mall” etc. Controlling *your* actions, *not* hers. Obviously, she is an a**hole for the mean comments, and your stepmother for enabling her.

Sad-Expression7697 −  NTA only because SM is TA. You have every right to enforce consequences on your sister for disregarding your feelings and being disrespectful. However, you need to make sure those consequences are appropriate because at the end of the day, you aren’t her parent.

First, is the console yours? This is highly important as you can not stop her from playing if it belongs to her. If it does belong to you, then it’s a good avenue to draw back the brother-sister benefits. My bro used to hide the controllers when mad at me.

Stop baby sitting. This is a much better consequence to both SM and little sister. Free childcare isn’t a given these days and I wouldn’t waste a second of my time helping a woman who openly dislikes me. It would be helpful to create space, the little sister needs to understand she can’t be mean to someone and expect them to just put up with it.

Where is your father in all this? Have you spoken to him about it? Does he shut it down? At 21, you do have the option to move out if this is unsolvable, but that takes money.

allthoughtofvalor −  NTA. Also, stop babysitting for free.

snookz90 −  Stop babysitting.

Astreja −  NTA. “Sorry, stepmom – If I don’t have the authority to discipline my sister when she behaves badly, I can’t accept any responsibility for her either. Therefore, effective immediately, I will not be babysitting her.”

Ok-Acanthaceae5744 −  NTA – But why are you still babysitting for free? Next time your Stepmom and/or sister are rude, just tell them fine no more babysitting and helping out.

If you give any special treats or privileges to your sister, revoking these are the types of consequences you should focus on. If you feel pressured because you live at home, then it might be time to look into other living arrangements.

[Reddit User] −  I think the problem here is not the consequences, but that you exceeded your authority. Unless you are the guardian or parent, you don’t have authority to take away video games or to force her to write an apology letter.

You only have authority over what *you* do and your own belongings. So, for example, if she wants to do some activity with you …
“I’m sorry, but you’ve been very mean and hurtful to me. And I don’t do (activity) with people who treat me that way.”

If she wants to borrow something of yours. “I’m sorry, but that’s mine, not yours. You can’t expect me to let you use my things if you’re going to insult me.”

If it doesn’t convince her that insulting people is wrong, at least it will teach her that good manners get other people to look you more.
The next thing is to tell your stepmother that **she** faces consequences.

Meaning that since she has failed to maintain discipline for your sister, you are no longer providing the free babysitting services. And finally … leave the nest . You’re 21, and it’s not a good environment for you. Head out and find something better.

heatseekingdinosaurs −  Do nothing for them and start trying to move out ASAP. Don’t babysit, don’t help her out with anything, don’t let her use your stuff. If they want to raise an a**hole they can do it without your assistance.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. But the consequences should be with your dad and stepmom. Take a break from them.