AITA for telling my wife we can’t have a gender reveal party for a baby we are adopting?

A Redditor recently found himself in a tense situation with his wife as they prepare to adopt a baby. While discussing the upcoming adoption, his wife expressed a desire to host a gender reveal party, but he remarked that such celebrations are typically meant for biological births.

This comment led to a significant argument, with his wife feeling hurt and threatening drastic measures. Now, he’s questioning whether his stance was justified or if he crossed a line. Read the original story below for the full details.

‘ AITA for telling my wife we can’t have a gender reveal party for a baby we are adopting?’

My (31) wife (30) is unable to have kids. So we decided to adopt instead. The other night we were talking and she mentioned how she wants to do a gender reveal party/baby shower for the family. But I told her that that’s only really for people who are actually giving birth.

She got really offended and stormed off to another room and hasn’t talked to me since. I keep trying to go in there to calm her down, but she keeps telling me if I don’t leave her alone she’s gonna call a divorce lawyer and cancel our adoption. I feel bad for saying what I said, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong. Reddit, I need to know, AITA.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

DoNotLickTheSteak −  NTA. It’s not about who is e**itled to a baby shower. It’s about her threatening divorce and cancelling the adoption because you disagreed with her about a baby shower.

Cancelling the adoption is the best course of action here. A child who is in a position to need adoption does not deserve to be brought into this fuckery.

floatingvan −  NTA- she said she will cancel the adoption if she doesn’t get her own way. Let that sink in mate. Please reconsider this. a baby is not a bargaining chip.

mousepallace −  Another reason why gender reveal parties are just awful.

EndielXenon −  INFO: Did you phrase it like you described in the subject (“we can’t”, dictating to her what is allowed and not allowed), or did you phrase it more like you described in the text (“that’s only really for people who are actually giving birth”)?

In any case, it honestly sounds like you have much bigger relationship problems, and if your wife is willing to blow up your entire relationship over something this trivial you should really think twice about introducing a child into that.

FAYCSB −  ESH. Your phrasing sucks, but a gender reveal for a kid that’s already born is bizarre.

Voidfishie −  I am highly concerned about your bringing an adopted child into a relationship this fragile. You absolutely need to be in a place where the solution to a disagreement is not to threaten divorce if you’re dragging a child into this. ESH.

Bfan72 −  You ended up saying that the child is 4. A gender reveal for a 4 year old honestly makes no sense. There’s something called a gotcha day. I have a friend that is adopted and her mom has always celebrated it. You could have a celebration over the adoption being finalized.

Unfortunately your wife’s reaction was way over the top. To the point that if a social worker had overheard it they would probably be concerned. I know what it’s like to not be able to have children. So I’m not some random person that doesn’t understand the pain of not being able to have children.

Aggressive_Spend6088 −  I’m worried about her telling the kid she will send them back when she gets mad at them.

Country-girl7053 −  Ok. I’m gonna get downvoted to all hell. But NTA. WTH is wrong with her???? Baby shower. Yes. Gender reveal. No. The child is born. It’s not a mystery. A baby shower is 100% appropriate. Then she’s threatening divorce and to cancel the adoption… this is b**lshit.

My friend, I’d be calling her bluff and asking when she’s moving out. Also I’d be contacting lawyers. Is this common for her??? A child doesn’t need this kind of toxic parent. She needs therapy.

TraditionalYam −  NTA It sounds like your wife is way too spun up – threatening divorce over an inappropriate party – over this adoption. Before you go through with it, the two of you need to talk about her feelings and expectations.