AITA for telling my wife the lock on my daughter’s door does not get removed til my brother inlaw and his daughters are out of our house?

A Reddit user shared a situation involving his wife’s family, who recently moved in with them after his brother-in-law, Sammy, lost his home. His daughter, Zoey, faced constant privacy invasions from her cousins, leading him to install a lock on her door after her belongings were repeatedly taken without permission.

When he refused to remove the lock until his brother-in-law and nieces moved out, it led to tension with his wife and her family. Read the full story below.

 

‘ AITA for telling my wife the lock on my daughter’s door does not get removed til my brother inlaw and his daughters are out of our house?’

My brother in-law (Sammy) lost his home shortly after his divorce 10 months ago. He moved in with us and brought his twin daughters (Olivia & Sloane18) with him a couple of months ago.

His sister (my wife) and I have one daughter (Zoey 16) and she and her cousins aren’t close but get along fine. Olivia & Sloane have no respect for Zoey’s privacy, none. they used to walk into her room and take everything they get their hands on.

Makeup, phone accessories, clothes, school laptop etc. Zoey complained a lot and I’ve already asked the girls to respect Zoey’s privacy and stop taking things. My wife and Sammy saw no issue with this. After all, they’re girls and this’s typical teenage girls behavior. I completely disagreed.

Last straw was when Zoey bought a 60$ m.a.c makeup-kit that looks like a paintset that she saved up for over a month and one of the girls, Sloane took it without permission and ruined it by mixing shades together while using it.

Don’t know much about makeup but that’s what Zoey said when she found the kit on her bed, and was crying. I told my wife and she said she’d ask Sloane to apologize but I got Zoey a lock after I found she was moving valuable belongings out the house because of this incidence!!!

Sammy and his daughters saw the lock and weren’t happy, the girls were extremely upset. Sammy asked about it and I straight up told him. He said “my daughters aren’t thieves!!!

it’s normal that girls of the same age borrow each others stuff” he said Zoey could easily get another makeup kit for 15 bucks from walmart and shouldn’t even be buying expensive – adult makeup in the first place and suggested my wife take care of this “defect” in Zoey’s personality trying to appear older than she is.

He accused me of being overprotective and babying Zoey with this level of enablement. I told him this’s between me and my wife but she shamed me for putting a lock on Zoey’s door for her cousins to see and preventing them from “spending time” with her saying I was supposed to treat them like daughters,

then demanded I remove it but I said this lock does not get removed til her brother and his daughters are out of our house. She got mad I was implying we kick them out and said her family’ll hate me for this.

so I reminded her that I let Sammy and his family move in which’s something her OWN family refused to do so she should start with shaming/blaming them for not taking their own son and nieces/granddaughters in.

if it wasn’t for her family’s unwillingness to help we wouldn’t be dealing with this much disturbance at home. Everyone’s been giving me and Zoey silent treatment and my wife is very much upset over this.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

riblz11 −  NTA. Don’t back down. You are the only one sticking up for Zoey. If her cousins want to use expensive makeup, give them your wife’s. I guarantee she won’t appreciate sharing anymore. They need to start behaving like appreciative guests.

0biterdicta −  NTA. Your wife harbors someone who tells you that Zoey has a “defect” in her personality for buying an expensive make up kit, that’s the kind of thing that has people thinking about divorce.

amyhenderson_ −  NTA. Your daughter doesn’t feel like she has any privacy or respect in her own home and you gave her a lock to give her back her privacy.

You tried talking to your wife, your BiL and your nieces and that got you nowhere – if your daughter has to accept 3 additional adults living in her home, they need to accept her very reasonable boundaries of not taking and ruining her things. Good for you showing your daughter you respect and support her.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. my daughters aren’t thieves!!! it’s normal that girls of the same age borrow each others stuff”. His daughthers are in fact thieves because there’s a thin line in between stealing and borrowing and that is our bestie CONSENT.

His daughters don’t ask yours for permission on whether they can take something from her or not. They help themselves into her room, into her cabinets/closet, take whatever they feel entilted to,

use it however they want even if they drestroy it and then IF SO your daughter might see the object they stole from her again. You are being an amazing parent and Zoey will forever be grateful for having her back the way a parent should. Whereas, your wife…

I don’t know if it’s the fact that those are her brother’s daughters or if she just doesn’t care about people getting through her daguther at whatever cost just to steal her property and damage it.

^(Also, funny how it went from “my daughters aren’t thieves” to “my daughters just wanted to spend time with yours and now they aren’t allowed to do so :(“.)

Stoat__King −  “I let Sammy and his family move in which’s something her OWN family refused to do”. I think you need to think ahead with this situation. You are your daughter are already uncomfortable in your own home.

Your wife is upset. You need to do what is right for your immediate family before it puts even more strain on your relationship. I think you need to get them to leave before it gets worse. It doesnt take much imagination to see how it could.

How uncomfortable do you have to be in your own home before something snaps? This is not a tenable situation. You have a right to feel safe /comfortable in your own home and anyone that militates against that is playing a dangerous game.

MillieHillie −  NTA. Normal behaviour is asking to borrow stuff and respecting a persons decision if they say no. You don’t walk into other people’s rooms without permission, ‘borrowing’ without asking is Stealing.

And good on you for standing by your daughter. She needs her privacy and also needs a sense of ownership, her belongings are hers and those girls don’t respect that.

AceofSpadesYT −  NTA. Sammy sounds like he is spoiling his daughters and justifying their actions by blaming the victim (Zoey). Kicking them out may be a good idea at this point.

Knitsanity −  NTA. Good for you for standing up for your daughter. The lock should stay. There would be no need for it except that the girls are thieves. The adult girls should pay your daughter back for the makeup. She saved for it. They stole it. Time for the rest of the family to take a turn at helping BIL out.

Confusion-Advanced −  NTA. And why the heck are you supposed to treat them like daughters? They have their dad with them.

cagedjaybird −  NTA, but wow, I’m shocked that your wife cares more about appearances and her brother/nieces than her own daughter. Giving her own child the silent treatment? That’s just insane to me. And don’t think your daughter hasn’t noticed that her mother isn’t on her side. That’s gotta hurt. Your wife needs to wake up.

Do you think the father was right to install the lock to protect his daughter’s privacy, or should he have handled the situation differently? Share your opinions and experiences below!