AITA for telling my wife she was a liar and leaving?

A man recently shared a tough situation where things got heated between his wife and mother, and now he’s wondering if he was in the wrong. His wife and mom have always had a rocky relationship, but after his mom apologized and wanted to reconnect, they agreed to let her visit.

During the trip, tensions flared over a dinner situation, leading to a confrontation that ended with his mom storming out and the man feeling torn between his wife and mother. Now, he’s questioning whether he handled things right or if he made a big mistake.

‘AITA for telling my wife she was a liar and leaving?’

My wife and my mother have never, not even for a fraction of a second, got along. This was 100% my mother’s fault. From the moment I dared to bring my wife home my mom was hostile and saying my wife wasn’t good enough for me and trying to get me to move back home. And yes, it’s a culture thing. I’m Mexican, my wife is Irish. I cut my mom off for a very long time and it really pained me to do so. But it wasn’t worth losing my wife.

Well, my wife found out we were having a baby in December ’22. We made the announcement in April and somehow my mom found out. She started sending me mailed letters (I had her blocked off everything) and through mail she expressed her desire to be a grandmother and apologized multiple times. Said she would do better and be more accepting. After many, many long discussions with my wife, she caved and said my mom was welcome here for 4 days (she lives in Mexico but we have a spare room) but said I had better stand up for her endlessly if my mom acts up. I agreed. My mom saved up for months to travel this way (we are in Colorado). She got her 2 days ago. Everything was fine at first but tonight, shit hit the fan.

Basically, my wife still has trouble eating. She’s still nauseous and whenever her breast milk comes in, it makes her sick to her stomach. She also won’t/can’t eat when she’s nursing because it makes her sick. Well, our daughter is cluster feeding so my wife has a very small window of when she’s able to eat. Well, my mom wanted to make a cultural dish tonight for dinner to treat us to a meal. But what she hadn’t told us was that this meal takes around 4 hours to cook and she started cooking at 4pm.

My wife said she was going to eat something else because she couldn’t wait that long to eat and my mom was offended and said she was rude, which I immediately put a stop to and explained the situation. My mom stopped but when my wife was eating, she kept giving her looks. I said “mom, stop it right now” and she scoffed and said something under her breath and then turns to my wife and says “in my culture this is unacceptable. Since you are raising a child in my family you will learn better”.

My wife immediately screamed at her “shut the fuck up and let me eat or leave”. My mom threw the hand towel, grabbed her stuff and left. I was so hurt by the both of them. I told my wife she was a liar. She told me she would let me handle it and she didn’t. Instead she made my mom leave. I know my mom was wrong but why couldn’t she do this for me? I then left. She didn’t even try to stop me. She texted me and said “why don’t you go back with your mom”. AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Obi-Juan_Valdez – You DIDN’T handle your asshole mother. You let her pick and pick at your wife until your wife snapped and finally put your awful mother in her place. Grow a spine and support your wife. YTA

madmaxturbator – True he didn’t handle his mom. But also, I genuinely don’t understand what the big lie was? His wife decided to eat when she’s pregnant, breast feeding, and hungry? And she didn’t tell the dog shit MIL because that woman – even per OP – is a complete ass …

How is that some horrific lie anyway? This op gets emotional, worries about himself… but his wife is the one who was hungry, struggling to eat, dealing with pregnancy hormones, breast feeding and all that. He doesn’t stand up for his wife, at all!! Just flimsy words. He doesn’t want her to take care of herself in her own home, while recovering from giving birth. Yet op is the one we should feel oh so bad for. Man was born with clown shoes instead of feet.

eightmarshmallows – YTA. Do you understand how hungry you get when breastfeeding? It’s worse than when you’re pregnant. And your wife is already struggling to get enough calories in. You should’ve already moved your mom to a hotel/airbnb/friend’s house when she first started in on your wife. Your wife is tired, hormonal, and hungry and your mom is entertaining herself by antagonizing your wife. You made a mistake reconnecting with your mom, and should never have asked your wife to deal with her.

Particular_Title42 – YTA. She didn’t lie about anything. She gave your mother the option to stfu or leave. Your mom chose to leave. I’m going to say this again in case it is not clear. YOUR WIFE DID NOT MAKE YOUR MOTHER LEAVE. YOUR MOTHER MADE THAT BIG GIRL DECISION ON HER OWN.

OkFinger0 – YTA. Such an AH. Have never written this before, but your mom is also a gaping asshole. Info: How did your wife lie? She said she would let you handle your mom. You didn’t. She did. You are the liar. “why couldn’t she do this for me?” She birthed a fucking child for you and is trying to breastfeed said child. You can’t even create a safe space for her in her own home to eat when she isn’t nauseous without dirty looks, passive aggressive comments and chastising from your mom?

she_who_knits – YTA, you didn’t make your mom stop her bs. Everytime you told her to stop, she started right back up again from a other angle till your wife snapped. Then you call her names and run after your toxic mother. You should have asked your mom to leave the room until your wife was done eating. Go home and apologize.

FAFO-13 – YTA. Your wife just had a baby and your mother is a cruel insulting piece of garbage. Hopefully you will get over yourself and realize you treated your wife horribly.

she_who_knits – YTA, you didn’t make your mom stop her bs. Everytime you told her to stop, she started right back up again from a other angle till your wife snapped. Then you call her names and run after your toxic mother. You should have asked your mom to leave the room until your wife was done eating. Go home and apologize.