AITA…For telling my wife “I warned you” when our son got a lock for his room?

A Reddit user shared a situation involving his son Simon (16) and his wife. Simon had been complaining about his mother entering his room without knocking, disturbing his privacy. Despite the user intervening and asking his wife to respect Simon’s boundaries, she continued barging in.

After Simon was startled when she entered his room late at night, the user supported Simon’s decision to install a lock on his door, despite his wife’s disapproval. The user stood firm, but now his wife is upset. Was the user wrong for supporting his son and allowing the lock? Read the full story below…

‘ AITA…For telling my wife “I warned you” when our son got a lock for his room?’

So here’s the problem, My son Simon (16) moved out of the room he used to share with his little brother and got his own room a few months back. Eversince, he’s been complaining about his mom barging in without knocking and interrupting his sleep and studying.

Sometimes when he’s changing…I know that she’s his mother but he says he’s got his own room and has a job and is learning to become an independent adult but doesn’t feel like his privacy is being respected even when that’s his mom. He says he’s not a kid anymore and is entitled to at least get a knock on the door before she comes in.

He was getting tired of her not listening to him. So he came to me and said …dad, you need to help me set some clear boundaries with mom. So I spoke to her about her need to knock before entering Simon’s room. She was like what? And no, we’re family, not strangers…do you really expect me to foolishly knock on the door 5 times a day?…that’s ridiculous!!! Also the…”who knocks doors in their own home?”. I told her my family for instance.

She made a face then went on a rant about how my family hate each others and the way they treat each others like they were strangers is shameful. I told her family or strangers it’s about respecting one’s privacy. We had an argument about it and I told her if she wasn’t going to stop with the barging and refuse to knock on the door before entering then our son will get a lock.

She did it again at 11pm, she barged in when our son was asleep he jumped up because he got scared. Once he told me this I told him to go ahead and get a lock and pay for it with his own money, there was literally no other way.

My wife saw it and got upset and my brother was visiting when she was raising her voice at me questioning if *I* really went ahead and got a lock for Simon despite her disapproval and said that I caught her off guard and it’s not okay because this teaches our children that they can ‘manipulate’ one parent into doing what they want. I told her that A. Simon got the lock not me and B. I already warned her about the possibility of him getting a lock because he was getting tired of her boundary crossing. So she should’ve expected this outcome.

She mentioned the same above points in her defense and said locks means secrets and that’s not good. My brother was sitting watching while she was complaining, She began chewing him out when he asked her to let simon keep the lock and said it wasn’t a big deal. She stopped talking to me and Simon til we remove the lock but I’ve no intentions on doing that.. Was I at fault for my stance?

Check out how the community responded:

BookReader1328 −  NTA – So do you have s** with your wife with the door open? Do you shower with the door open? Poop? There are reasonable things that one does in private that even a mother does not need to know about, much less see.

citronellaspray −  NTA what the hell? Why is this such a big deal for her? It’s unreasonable to put up a fight against someone who’s telling you just to knock before entering their private space. Good on you for advising him to get a lock.
Also, why is she going into his room at 11 in the night? Has she always acted like this, or is it new behaviour?

TennRider −  NTA. Why does your wife have such a strong desire to see your son jerking it?

HotWifeJ2021 −  NTA. I’m usually a huge proponent of parents being a team and a united front, but your wife is just dead wrong on this one. I knock on my 7 year old’s door if it’s closed. It’s called basic respect. If there was some sort of true emergency, that’s one thing. But just because she feels like going in there? Nope. She’s flat out wrong. Since she’s opposed to knocking on doors, would she be okay with your son just barging into your room while she’s changing or sleeping?

Wave-Character −  F**k no nta. Your wife needs to learn boundaries, if it was a 16 year old girl and her father doing it it’d be considered weird and wrong especially if it’s happened when he’s changing? And he’s 16 let’s be honest here he needs that lock for other reasons too. That’s messed up I’m sorry, def nta though.

notrapunzel −  NTA. Why is she constantly barging in at inappropriate times, is she trying to catch him in the middle of something secretive? What specifically is she looking for? Poor kid.

AdministrativeSkill3 −  NTA. Clearly the mom is oblivious to what 16 year old boys need privacy for.

TemperateEnd −  NTA: Simon told her to rein it in, you told her to rein it in and stated that getting a lock for his door was a possibility, she refused to rein it in and is somehow surprised that you kept to your word. Also, locks mean secrets? Really? No, a lock in this case means “I am keeping this lock because my crazy mother won’t rein in her habit of barging into my room”.

[Reddit User] −  Info: why is going into your sons room that many times a day?

50ShadesOfAcidTrips −  ESH, bar Simon. Everyone has a right to some privacy. If Simon feels like his is being violated he is perfectly within his right to do something about it. However I don’t think you handled this situation well. If you truly wanted to support your son you should’ve admitted you told Simon to go get a lock. You shouldn’t have tried to pass it off as if you had nothing to do with it. Because if it seems like it was all on Simon, his mum is gonna go after him for it and that’s just gonna end badly.

I honestly think getting a lock was the right thing, because it seems that Simons mum wasn’t gonna stop barging in on him whenever she pleases. Next time just support Simon 100% instead of trying to remove yourself from any form of blame or credibility.

Do you think the user was wrong to let his son install a lock, or was he right to support Simon’s need for privacy? How would you handle a situation where one parent disagrees with the other about parenting decisions? Share your thoughts below!