AITA for telling my wife and in-laws to f**k off after they told me to stop cuddling my daughter?
In today’s world, family dynamics often walk a fine line between affection and controversy. A recent Reddit post has stirred up conversations about what is considered acceptable behavior within a family. The story centers on a father who, in the midst of a relaxed movie night with his kids, finds himself at odds with his wife and in-laws after showing a loving gesture toward his teen daughter.
This incident, filled with raw emotion and unexpected confrontation, invites us to reflect on modern parenting and the complexities of familial relationships. The blend of humor, tension, and genuine care in this scenario creates a narrative that feels both personal and universally relatable.
‘AITA for telling my wife and in-laws to f**k off after they told me to stop cuddling my daughter?’
Expert Opinion
Family dynamics can be incredibly challenging, especially when external opinions constantly infringe on how you choose to parent. In this case, our OP’s natural act of cuddling his daughter—something he’s always done lovingly—is suddenly called into question by his in‑laws
Dr. John Gottman, a leading expert on relationship dynamics, reminds us that “establishing clear boundaries is crucial for protecting one’s emotional well‑being and maintaining healthy relationships” (Gottman Institute). Here, years of subtle, uninvited criticism have built up, making his reaction less about a momentary lapse and more about releasing long‑accumulated frustration.
Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson explains that “when family members impose strict ideas about what constitutes ‘appropriate’ affection, it can lead to deep-seated resentment if not addressed properly.” For our OP, the criticism was not merely about a cuddle; it was about invalidating his role as a loving, caring parent.
His harsh words, though blunt, stem from a desperate need to reclaim his parenting space and assert that his way of showing love—especially to his daughter—is both normal and cherished. In situations like these, experts stress that while a softer approach might sometimes ease tension, sometimes a strong boundary must be set to stop the cycle of disrespect and preserve one’s emotional health.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Overall, the Reddit community largely supports our OP’s decision to stand up for his way of showing love, with many emphasizing that a parent’s natural affection should not be criticized by others. Most commenters agree that setting clear boundaries—especially when repeated criticism has built up over time—is both justified and necessary for emotional well‑being.
A few voices suggested that a more gentle approach might have prevented immediate conflict, but the prevailing sentiment is that protecting one’s parenting style and reclaiming personal space is ultimately the right call.
In conclusion, our OP’s reaction to his in‑laws’ unsolicited criticism is a stark reminder that sometimes, protecting your family’s love and your own parenting style comes with a price. While his choice of words was harsh, it reflects the deep frustration of feeling judged for a natural act of affection.
Is it acceptable to defend your family’s way of showing love so forcefully, or should there be a more measured response even in the heat of the moment? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—your insights might help others navigate these delicate family conflicts.
Hey,
So from one father to another… you’re NOT the AH, the IL are and so is your wife… but only to an extent…
Ok, lots to unravel here, but I hope it’s worth the journey.
Firstly, I am the same as you… I’m a cuddler… this may be because I grew up in a broken home and was physically abused by both my parents. I now have an 11 YO son who I would literally die for, he makes me proud every day and I exist in this world to make sure he gets the most out of it, is protected and has all the things I didn’t growing up (now I’ll caveat that; this does NOT mean he’s spoilt! It means I would happy sacrifice my weekends standing in the freezing rain watching him play football or watching him repeat a new skill he’s learnt 150times… because that’s what a father should be. I’ll sit and work with him on school projects and I’ll do DIY with him knowing full well it will take twice as long as he’s helping; but it’s the teaching and bonding that’s important).
Anyways I digress; because of this, we spend most of my non working together, we have an amazing relationship and guess what… at movie time, he’ll come over and snuggle into his dad… yeah an 11 YO boy who still thinks it’s great to snuggle his dad… I’m blessed!
My wife loves a cuddle too… and of course she’ll get involved with us both and is an amazingly awesome mum…But my IL, not so much. So we’ve got a kid who’s has both sets of grandparents who are NOT nurturing. This is therefore the kind of comment I got… my reaction… you guessed it “fu*k off!” Followed by, “he’ll be a teen soon and the day will soon come when he doesn’t want to cuddle me or spend time with his dad; don’t you dare try and take that away from me or make it feel weird about it. If he wants to cuddle, he can have a cuddle! I love my son and he loves me, just because in your day it might have been different, I’m my own person and I’ll always aim to give him what I never had! ” End of the conversation everyone feeling awkward. Now, here’s the strange thing… my wife, sat in silence and pondered what they said and ‘kind of’ agreed with them… nodding her head etc; we discussed it that night after they left and I told her that her response broke my heart… So why is your wife not overly the AH… for your wife, a situation like that and her agreeing immediately with you. Is telling her family to their face that they did a sh*t job as she never had that kind of love and attention. She is put on the spot and has ‘maybe’ sided with her parents knowing that later she has the opportunity to apologies and explain to you how she felt trapped; keep the peace kind of thing.
So I’d find the time to talk to your wife in private about it; maybe she was in a similar situation. Yes she should have supported you, hence the kind of a AH; but you can never know how the other person is thinking/ feeling in that moment. For example, it never once crossed my mind that I was challenging them on their parenting skills; I was on about MY parents, but it was perceived as them.
As to everything else… this is what’s wrong with society today… to many people judging others, because of course EVERYONE is perfect! You know the saying, don’t go throwing stones if you live in a glass house.
Keep being you buddy! I feel you! I also feel the looks and stares I get when I drop my boy off at school and he gives me a hug and a kiss goodbye and you hear other parents whisper how it’s weird.
You created that child, they came from you, they share your blood and DNA. If they want to give you a cuddle and a kiss, then fu*k everyone else, you give them a bl**dy cuddle and a kiss.
Love is pure, love heals and love supports. You’d be surprised the amount of children in this world that would be doing better if their parents just gave them a little more love; or the opportunity to hug them and for them to tell them they’re proud of them. To many people are bother by what others think!
Chin up bud, talk to your wife and never stop loving or showing affection. One thing I’d also recommend sharing with your wife is the ‘Disney’ hug. If you don’t know what that is; it’s hugging your child until they let go. You can tell a lot about your child’s day by the length of time they hug you, you are also telling them that you will hug them for however long they need and that at that moment, that are the most important thing in the world.
NTA!!! My husband cuddles/snuggles with our 20 and 17 year old daughters if we’re hanging out or watching a movie. I love the HEALTHY bond that they have with him, and the unwavering knowledge that their Dad will always be there for them. Your wife and in-laws are so wrong here.
NTA..my elder daughter is of the same age and she cuddles me and my wife a lot..we love it too. What they said was inappropriate and I am surprised your wife took their side.
Appropriate physical contact with an opposite gender parent is SO healthy!
I would apologise for the swearing but not for what they were implacating
NTA – your kids aren’t going to cuddle with you forever, especially at that age. Looking back, I wish I would have spent more quality time like that with my parents growing up. Your daughter is lucky!
My son is almost 13 and I cuddle him EVERY night(unless I’m sick)we watch a show, he brushes his teeth, and we cuddle back up to read a chapter of whatever book I’m reading to him. I have been reading to him since I was pregnant with him. If I don’t read to him before bed, he does not get a good night’s sleep.