AITA for telling my stepsister she can’t afford her dream wedding venue after she accused me of stealing it?
One person from Reddit shares her experience of planning her wedding, having chosen a venue that her stepsister, Lucy, has long dreamed of. After announcing the finalized details, Lucy reacted angrily, accusing her of stealing her wedding idea. The Redditor understands Lucy’s disappointment but feels her reaction is excessive.
The venue is a well-known cultural landmark, and while Lucy has expressed her desire to marry there, the Redditor argues that it’s not exclusive to her. Despite attempts to apologize and offer solutions to avoid guest overlap in the future, Lucy continues to lash out.
The Redditor’s parents believe she should apologize for her blunt response, but she feels justified in her choice and is frustrated by the situation. Read the original story below…
‘ AITA for telling my stepsister she can’t afford her dream wedding venue after she accused me of stealing it?’
I (f25) am getting married next year. I am six months into the planning. I picked the venue pretty early on, and it happens to be the same venue that my stepsister (f27) has always dreamed of getting married. When I announced to the family that is was all finalised, Lucy (stepsister) flew off the handle.
She said I’m a sneaky AH for picking that venue when I knew she had always said that was her ideal wedding venue. I understand her disappointment, but this reaction is, imo, over the top for two reasons.
The venue is very famous. I’m not the first or last person to get married there. It’s a cultural landmark with a rich history that has played host to weddings for centuries. I also love the location, I have for over a decade. Nothing is stopping Lucy from getting married there someday if she so wishes.
The cost of a wedding at this venue is astronomical. My fiancé and I are aware that between my dad’s family and his, we are signing up for a certain type of event and we’re fine with that, but I can admit the cost is eye-watering (I will not be giving the exact number but when I contacted the wedding planner and asked if we’d be able to get the venue for 100k, she laughed at me and said the venue would not return our call for that price).
I know that Lucy always said “if she could pick anywhere in the world” she’d get married there, but very few people have the pick of the whole word for their venue.
So, Lucy was shouting at me saying I was copying her wedding idea. I tried apologising, I tried to tell her that just because I’m getting married first it doesn’t mean that when she gets married she can’t do it there, I even offered to trim the guest list from her dad’s side so that if she ever did get married there there would be next to no guest overlap.
Nothing worked, there were tears, she was calling me a snake and backstabber. Eventually I just got annoyed and was like, What was I supposed to do? Not pick the venue I wanted just in case you one day have a million dollar wedding? Lucy be serious.
Our parents are saying I went for the throat with what I said and I should apologise. I think that as much as I am sensitive to the fact that she might feel a bit annoyed, she has the rest of her life to get married there or anywhere else if she wants and she needs to let it go.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Papadasshole − NTA. My brother and his wife used the same venue I did. I couldn’t care less.
Ok-Context1168 − NTA for picking the venue. But unless you and your fiancé are multi-millionaires, spending over 100k on a wedding is **ABSURD**. It’s a day. Yes, an important one but think of what you could be doing with that cash.
I digress though, as it’s just *my* opinion. So many people focus on the wedding and not aiming for a successful marriage. Again, my opinion.
FuzzyMom2005 − NTA. So you’re supposed to cancel your venue so she can have her imaginary wedding there? Hell, no. Don’t cancel, don’t trim. Don’t compromise. Don’t do anything to “keep the peace”. She’s completely unreasonable. Just do what you’re doing and don’t apologize anymore. Do not engage, discuss, argue with her.
“It’s done. If this isn’t something you approve of, that is your choice.” Don’t sooth her feelings by including her in the bridal party unless you intended to invite her in the first place. Remember. She is not the bride here. She is not the main character. That is you and your fiancé.
If she threatens not to come, tell her it’s her choice. If she drags the family into it, keep calm and do the same. They can come or not, but they cannot change your plans to accommodate her.
MissSuzieSunshine − NTA. She doesnt have lifetime ‘dibs’ on a location for weddings. You ARE getting married soon and you CAN afford that location and you should be able to have your dream wedding just as much as she should be able to.
I wouldnt have offered to trim anything — including the guest list. What you said wasnt very nice, however, she needed to be reigned in, and told that throwing a childish tantrum like that wasnt on.
somali-beauty − and OP ignore the comments being jealous that you have the means to have a big wedding budget, redditors believe that every person should have a wedding in a McDonalds parking lot with a portluck dinner and a 500 dollar wedding dress
[Reddit User] − Info: Does your stepsister have a fiance, or at least a long-term parter who would propose in the near future?
Striking-General-613 − Of course I want to know where this venue is that’s world famous. My first guess was The Taj Mahal, but they don’t allow weddings. Then I was thinking the most fairy tale castle of them all, Neuschwanstein Castle, but they don’t allow weddings inside, and it’s difficult for none German citizens to get married in Germany.
However, they will arrange an early morning proposal (for a fee of course). But I think I might have a good guess. The Palace of Versailles. According to their Web site €100,000 is the minimum (and not recommended budget), one should allow €200,000 as a starting point.
It’s definitely big enough to hold a lot of guests, and I could see someone holding a wedding there for clout and to show off.
Repcheque − NTA – If she’s your family she should be happy that you’ve picked a nice venue, even if it is her dream wedding. She reacted out of jealousy and I don’t see why you can’t both have weddings at the venue.
At the end of the day, you’re the one getting married – you shouldn’t have to not have your dream wedding to please her. If she can’t deal with that then its her loss. Maybe that last bit was a lil out of pocket, but she had it coming.
somali-beauty − NTA redditors are just mad that your richer than them hence the ESHs
AstronautImportant44 − I think if one day I get married, I’ll just elope lol. Each time I read about wedding, there is too much drama
This scenario highlights the complexities of family dynamics and the challenges that arise during wedding planning. Should the Redditor have been more considerate of her stepsister’s feelings, or is Lucy overstepping by claiming ownership over a venue?