AITA for telling my sons wife that his ex is in the family and has been here longer that she has?
A mother maintained a close bond with her son’s ex-girlfriend, Sabrina, even after their breakup years ago, viewing her as part of the family. When her son’s new wife, Bethany, expressed discomfort about Sabrina attending family events, the MIL refused to exclude her, explaining that Sabrina had been part of the family longer than Bethany.
The conversation escalated, and Bethany left upset. Now, the son is angry, accusing his mother of prioritizing Sabrina over his wife, while the MIL’s husband sides with her, believing Bethany is overreacting.
‘AITA for telling my sons wife that his ex is in the family and has been here longer that she has?’
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You’re not even trying to befriend his wife, and your son is right to be furious with you about all of this. Good luck having a relationship with your grandchildren, because I really doubt you’re going to have anything to do with them, and it’s entirely your fault.
I don’t think this situation calls for anyone being an asshole. There’s definitely some arrogance and dismissal and intent to invalidate feelings but they is definitely two faces of a coin. You had created a bond with Sabrina during her years together with your son and if the break up was amicable I’m not seeing a problem with keeping a relationship, especially if she emotional imprinted on you and your husband due to her biological home life. Your son and Bethany have chosen to feel personally attacked by this relationship. However, I can understand Bethany’s insecurity if she is watching your give time and attention to Sabrina that she has never received and she trusted she could be safe with her feelings to you about this situation and you chose to dismiss and invalidate her. It’s clear, noone is seeing the other person’s perspective, noone is taking the time to understanding how the other is feeling.
This whole situation would be completely different if Sabrina was just a bestfriend or had kids with your son because noone would have had an issue with a childhood friend or mum being present, alas, I believe all relationships and bonds formed should be nutured and respected.
Your daughter-in-law’s reason for not wanting her husband’s ex at every single family gathering IS a completely valid reason. Your own son has also expressed not wanting her around. You are risking losing your real family so I really hope you are prepared for them to go no-contact with you. You can continue to have a relationship with your son’s ex that is separate from them. But what you are doing is unfair and will lead nowhere good.
Mums a C**t, its written all over the wording. Hope the go no contact, she still wont learn her lesson though.
You are totally the AH. Having an ex around at any time is uncomfortable for obvious reasons, but sometimes it has to be done (ie if there are kids in the mix). But to purposely have one around just because YOU AND ONLY YOU can’t leave your own selfish wishes of your perfect little world aside is just brutally wrong. Why not go even further, then, and have your husband invite some of his exes? That can’t hurt, right?
YTA…sounds like you and your sons ex need to move on from the past. You can still have a relationship with his ex without having her involved in things to do with your son and his wife. YOU have made it awkward and if I was the wife I would be appalled at your actions and would get as far away from you as possible. YTA for not respecting your son or his life decisions. Good luck having any kind of relationship with them. Hope the ex was worth it
Your son and his ex didn’t happen. You ARE the AH for shoving his ex in the face of the the person who is really his wife, not your fantasy wife and fantasy daughter. Let go with the daughter thing. Here’s why. If she was your real daughter, she and your son would have been brother and sister since the second one was born. Does that sound romantic? They would have fought and all of that stuff siblings do when they grow up together. Does that sound anything like the stars in your eye about this young woman?
If your real daughter would say, “mom” I’m going over Stacy’s tonight. I won’t be home for dinner.” You wouldn’t care. But heaven for bid if your son’s ex comes to her senses and begins not accepting each and every dinner invitation.
You’re doing your son, DIL, and future grandkids a disservice (if they choose to have kids, which is completely their decision, by the way).
Grow up, mom. Get a grip.
Get the stars out of you eyes and the wax out out of you ears and STOP making your DIL feel like a second class citizen in her in-law’s house. Because that’s what you’re doing. And it’s nasty.