AITA for telling my sons wife that his ex is in the family and has been here longer that she has?
A mother maintained a close bond with her son’s ex-girlfriend, Sabrina, even after their breakup years ago, viewing her as part of the family. When her son’s new wife, Bethany, expressed discomfort about Sabrina attending family events, the MIL refused to exclude her, explaining that Sabrina had been part of the family longer than Bethany.
The conversation escalated, and Bethany left upset. Now, the son is angry, accusing his mother of prioritizing Sabrina over his wife, while the MIL’s husband sides with her, believing Bethany is overreacting.
‘ AITA for telling my sons wife that his ex is in the family and has been here longer that she has?’
My son was dating Sabrina, they started in highschool and broke up when they were in college. It was a long relationship and I became really close to her. She is in my eyes our daughter. Her family are awful people and she sees us as her parental figures. She even is planning to have my husband walk her down the isle when she gets married.
Now when they broke up, relationship just died, we didn’t drop her since she is our kid at this point. My son wasn’t happy but moved on, so she gets invited to family events and has for years. My son now 27 is married to Bethany and she is a nice person.
We never clicked, we don’t have much in common and they live 2 hours away so it’s hard to plan stuff to get to know her more. Really I’m sure it will grow in time. Now we had a picnic and all the family members were invited. So Sabrina was there as normal and I thought the night was nice.
Bethany come up to me at the end of the night and expressed that she is uncomfortable with her husband ex being everywhere and if I couldn’t invite her for family stuff. I told her no and that Sabrina is part of the family and has been part of the family longer than she has.
If their is an actually valid reason like her rude then I would consider it but she has done nothing. She left and my son has called me and called me an a**shole for picking her over my now real family. AITA, my husband thinks she is crazy but I know we can be bias.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
lostalldoubt86 ( Top 1 ) : NAH. Your think of Sabrina as your own child. She is invited to things because you became her surrogate family. Bethany is not an AH for being upset that someone her husband once loved is invited to all your family events.
I would also be upset if my husband’s ex was accepted into his family while I am still struggling to feel like part of the family.
Ok-Weird9186 ( Top 2 ) says: My family is in a similar situation. But in our case, I’m Bethany. I have never, and will never, ask my mil to stop seeing our version of Sabrina. I understand that they have a bond and it means a lot to them to see each other on holidays. BUT we deliberately don’t see mil very often anymore.
Every time we are around, at group events or just-us visits, my mil brings up how amazing his ex is. She tells anyone who will listen that she wishes her son and his ex had worked things out because she doesn’t like me as much. Bethany will never forget your blatant favoritism. Your son will never forget it either.
I’m not saying that Sabrina needs to be uninvited to events. I’m saying you need to put in more effort to make Bethany feel like her emotions matter to you at all.
CrystalQueen3000 ( Top 3 ) says: YTA She’s not your daughter she’s your sons ex and it’s weird as hell to keep inviting her to family events when your son has moved on and married. It was extra rude to be so dismissive and n**sty to Bethany when she was trying to open up about how uncomfortable she is. If you want to be friends with his ex then do it when they’re not around.
EveningAd6728 ( Top 4 ) says: Lol be prepared to lose your son then and any future grandchildren that he might have. What a parent
Fatwotts ( Top 5 ) says: OP, maybe have your husband invite some of his exes to family events also. You shouldn’t mind. Right?
Edit : Huge YTA
Reasonable-Ad-3605 – YTA. You’ve spent the past 5+ years making sure that your son knows you value this relationship with his ex more than his comfort and now you’re making his wife know it too. I’m glad she sees you as parental figures since you’re going to destroy your actual relationship with your kid over this.
actualhumanoid ( Top 7 ) says: Absolutely YTA. This is a great way to make your son slowly start cutting you out of his life. You are disrespecting his marriage. Lovely that you think she is “nice”, but I think you wouldn’t *let* yourself “click” with Bethany because you’re stuck on some pipedream about your son’s ex being family. No. **Bethany** is a part of your family.
Your son chose **Bethany**. You should work on your relationship with her if you want your son to remain close to you. How does the ex girlfriend feel about being around her ex boyfriend and his wife? This is an unhealthy environment for everyone.
thirtyfourdoubled: YTA. Your son didn’t marry Sabrina, he married Bethany. You need to move on from the fantasy you created in your head. You are allowed to have a relationship with Sabrina but why does she have to be paraded around all family events like the ghost of your son’s past? You’re lucky your son still has a relationship with you at all.
Silly_Brilliant868 ( Top 9 ) says: Just to be clear you are 100% picking your sons ex over his now wife .. which means your putting the ex infront of your son ( becuase he and wife are a unit)
Cursd818 ( Top 10 ) says: YTA Let’s be clear. You have chosen this girl over your son. Not just his new wife; your son. He was uncomfortable after the breakup, and you ignored him. You don’t even talk about your son positively, but you rave about his ex. Thats pretty awful parenting.
You’re not even trying to befriend his wife, and your son is right to be furious with you about all of this. Good luck having a relationship with your grandchildren, because I really doubt you’re going to have anything to do with them, and it’s entirely your fault.