AITA for telling my son he deserved his gf breaking up with him?

A Redditor shared a story about his son’s recent breakup, where his son had been dating a long-distance girlfriend for two years. While the girlfriend went out of her way to visit regularly, the son refused to put in the same effort, which ultimately led to her leaving him. Afterward, the father openly told his son that he deserved the breakup due to his lack of commitment, leading to tension within the family. Read the full story below to see if you agree with his stance.

‘ AITA for telling my son he deserved his gf breaking up with him?’

So my son had a long-distance gf recently for about two years. She was great, a really nice girl and we all loved her welcomed her with open arms. She was flying here constantly to visit him, like a weekend a month and he didn’t lift a finger to go visit her.

I tried talking to him about it several times and told him he should really start looking into flying over to her instead of expecting her to do all the travelling. He said no. And my wife probably had something to do with it as she constantly told him she was afraid of him flying. I spoke to them both and said this girl is great for him, she was willing to move over to our country too, but said there was one condition and that was he’d have to fly over to her country too. Which is fair enough.

He said no, he didn’t want to fly or travel anywhere. My son was becoming lazier and lazier, eventually telling his gf and us that he was perfectly fine never travelling anywhere including holidays etc. Last week, he told us she’s dumped him. I went on her fb page as we’re all still friends (she wrote us an apology letter about how she’s upset it didn’t work out but these things happen, so we’re on good terms) and looks like she’s with a new guy already.

Me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son. I confessed to them both that I actually agree with her decision and he should have expected it. He did not treat her properly and I hope he learns lessons for the next one because he needs to make more of an effort.

I said he deserves it for his lack of effort in the relationship and for essentially just allowing this girl to spend all her money and time coming here all the time. Wife and son are very upset that I said this. Very very upset and my wife says I am being horrible.. AITA? I stand by what I said.

See what others had to share with OP:

SelfANew −  NTA. That’s the truth. What age is he? Edit: you say he’s 24 in another comment. Definitely not the a**hole. If he is this lazy and has no plans to travel, what’s his plan for leaving the house? Living with parents is great to save money but he doesn’t seem the type so far to actually get up and get out eventually.

Jayney__ −  NTA it’s a truth he needs to hear. I’m more concerned about the reaction of your wife. Does she enable your son’s laziness?

fudgebiscuitz −  NTA. He’s been too lazy with the relationship anyway. The girl deserves someone better and your son needs to know that it takes effort to make a relationship work.

[Reddit User] −  NTA – as Lizzo says “truth hurts” lol.

vodka_philosophy −  NTA. Your son needs to learn that relationships are about give and take; he can’t do all the taking, and if you needed to be the one pointing it out then so be it.

starsformylove −  NTA but a sticky situation. Your son was in the wrong and he needed to here it BUT because he is your son I can see why your wife would be mad at you for saying that. If you said it bluntly it could sound cold and mean but if you had a nice talk with your son and communicate better it would work for telling him when he is being stupid.

You could start off in a supporting manner saying stuff like “there are other fish in the sea” yadda yadda ect… And then tell him that he could have been a better boyfriend.

[Reddit User] −  INFO: this seems incredibly odd. your son wasn’t even willing to fly to see her even when she said she’d only move if he visited her. Are you sure there’s not some other reason he doesn’t want to fly? It might just be me but it seems quite strange for someone to turn down a holiday and seeing their girlfriend of two years “just because”.

Spectrum2081 −  ESH. Like, everybody.. Your son for lack of effort.. Your wife for enabling him. The girlfriend, assuming your assumption she was cheating is correct. And you for piling on. Your son already knew how you felt since you already told him. He messed up. He is hurting. Now is not the time for “I told you so.”

Ppwner −  YTA. This sub, sometimes… to quote the Big Lebowski, “You aren’t wrong, Walter. You’re just an a**hole”. Yes, he was lazy. Yes, she should have broken up with him. That said, no one wants their father, someone who should be their most ardent supporter, shaming them in their moment of vulnerability.

Save it for when you’re both reminiscing/reflecting. Give him time to reach that conclusion on his own and support him through his growth. Don’t shove it down his throat so you can feel good because you’re right.
edit: removing reference to 1 year… it should be a general time frame that represents, “right time, right place”

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Part of your job as a father (I am one myself) is to educate your son. It does him no favors to coddle him over stupidity like his mother wants to do. Rather you are there to help him learn lessons. Sometimes that requires being harsh. Don’t be any harsher than you need to be, but do your job Dad.