AITA for telling my son exactly what my husband did despite him begging me not to tell?

A Reddit user describes a heated family conflict after discovering that their husband sabotaged their son’s friendship out of jealousy. The husband begged the user to keep the incident a secret, but they decided to come clean with their son. Now, they’re wondering if they did the right thing by prioritizing honesty over their husband’s plea.

‘ AITA for telling my son exactly what my husband did despite him begging me not to tell?’

I have a son (adam 14) from my previous marriage, I’m currently with my husband of 4 yrs. I handle everything related to Adam’s school. He has a friend (Dean 14) that he started hanging out with a year ago. Dean is an amazing boy and has been nothing but a great influence for adam. I met Dean’s dad (Mike) who’s a single dad and we’d see each other daily for school pickup/drop offs. My husband kept asking about Mike and pointed out that he’s being boundary stompping but I disagree.

Unfortunately, Adam fell sick months ago and had to undergo a surgery recently. It’s been hard but Dean kept visiting, sometimes Mike would come too and my husband would either ignore Mike or make passive comments towards him. Mike picked up on that and I told my husband to knock it off cause his hostility affected Adam and Dean as well.

Days ago, I found Adam crying in his room, this was weeks after getting discharged, I asked and he said that Dean sent him a text telling him they were no longer friends and blocked his number. I was confused they were fine. I wanted to go talk to Dean but the next day I found his phone in my husband’s car. I confronted him and he said he “borrowed” it from Dean but I didn’t buy it.

After pushing he confessed that he stole Dean’s phone at the hospital and sent Adam a text telling him to not contact him again. I asked why and he said it was all Mike’s fault for being too close to me and acting inappropriately, and said that he didn’t want to directly tell Adam to no longer speak to Dean and chose this stratagy to not make Adam hate him while keeping Dean and by extention Mike away.

This hit a nerve so hard I started screaming at him. He said he already expressed how uncomfertable he felt with Mike being around and I kept brushing it off. I said it was because of how ridiculous his argument was, Mike has been nothing but respectable and helpful, I yelled calling him insecure and unreasonable and also cruel for causing Adam heartache with his stunt.

He begged I don’t tell Adam but I took the phone and returned it to dean and exlained to him and Adam what happened. Adam is no longer speaking to my husband and he is blaming me for telling instead of keeping it between the adults like I’m supposed to.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

stickaforkinmeplz −  Holy moly, NTA. So let me get this straight… Your husband, the one that stole a phone from a kid and then used said stolen phone to mentally abuse your sick son because of his own insecurities, is now blaming you for salvaging your son’s friendship and giving back the stolen property? what?

Borgteddy −  he is blaming me for telling instead of keeping it between the adults like I’m supposed to. Which adults is he talking about? Because stealing Dean’s phone to text Adam to not contact him again, just to keep Mike away from you does not sound like adult behaviour. He needs to apologise to Adam and get counselling for his insecurity.. You are NTA.

reyballesta −  NTA. i don’t care what mike was doing. i don’t care what you were doing. he said he wanted it to ‘stay between the adults’, and yeah, it should have, but you didn’t bring the kids into it, he did, because he STOLE A CHILD’S PHONE TO MANIPULATE YOUR CHILD.

he STOLE from a child so that he could manipulate and lie to your child. he tried to ruin THEIR friendship instead of nutting the f**k up and being a man and trying to find a compromise, trying to actually communicate instead of passive-aggressively being a d**k to mike and you, literally anything that didn’t involve trying to destroy a friendship between two children, one of whom was recovering from a f**king surgery. I’m not usually on the whole ‘girl d**p him’ train on aita, but this doesn’t even need couples’ therapy. this is a deal breaker.

fractaldawn −  Y T A if you stay married to this controlling, abusive man. He isn’t just isolating you, he’s isolating Adam from his best friend because he doesn’t like that Dean’s father is a single man you speak to. Even if in some way you and Mike were flirting or having an affair, this would *still* not be appropriate behavior. NTA for telling Adam. But you need to kick your spouse out of your life immediately.

bluecarnallove −  I-N-F-O: Is Mike ready to mingle? Sounds like you could use an upgrade. In all seriousness, NTA. Your husband broke the law by STEALING another person’s property; what’s worse, that person was just a kid himself. On top of that, he used that stolen property to cause emotional and mental distress to your son. I’m surprised there was no violence; that room would’ve been painted in red if it were me in your shoes. Especially considering it sounds like Adam is still recovering from surgery, though I could be wrong about that.

NachoPrecarioso −  NTA. For a lack of a better way to put it, your husband fucked up. Not only did he f**k up by you, but he also fucked up by the kids. He STOLE a minor’s phone, impersonated Dean, and tried to end a friendship between the two kids because he had a problem with Mike.

First, the boys are going to compare notes and your husband is not a bright man at all if he didn’t think that wouldn’t happen. If my 5 year old came up with a plot that dumb, I’d be embarrassed and worried about his intellect. So, it was going to come out anyway. Secondly, this situation has to be put right. I don’t see any way that can happen which doesn’t involve your husband fessing up. I’ll leave it to you to decide on any marital/relationship decisions you want to make about this. However, step 1 is putting things right by your son.. Edited due to a naming snafu.

allexgrace −  Slow down. Your husband was willing to rip his son’s closest friend away, in one of the cruelest ways imaginable to a young kid, because of pointless jealousy? I was that kid. Someone sent me that text (well, it was a letter, I’m old now) against their will, written by their parents, in the second grade. I have long term trust issues now. He’s shown you how much he cares about your son. Believe him. Protect Adam. NTA.

Unit-00 −  Nta, get a divorce yesterday. Your husband used his jealousy and distrust to try and ruin your son’s friendship. No going back from that.

MadamAsh_ −  Nta. Whoa. Your “husband” is playing a dangerous game. All because he is SO insecure. He hurt two kids for….what? He needs therapy and you and your son need a break from your second child. Maybe a nice trip with Dean and Mike?

What_Was_I_doi −  INFO: My husband kept asking about Mike and pointed out that he’s being boundary stompping but I disagree. He said he already expressed how uncomfertable he felt with Mike being around and I kept brushing it off. I said it was because of how ridiculous his argument was, So what was your husband describing as boundary stomping? What was the argument that was ridiculous? Note, I am not defending the husband behavior! What he did is inexcusable. I just want a more clear picture before I render a judgment here.

EDIT: Based on OPs answer, NTA! Husband was being insecure over literally nothing. There was no argument for you to even address. Another guy existing in your sphere is not and cannot be the sole reason for his discomfort. Even without what he did, he’s an insecure a**hole and he’s taken that out on you and your child. Even if you were cheating and he was right what he did was still inexcusable. He’s wrong on every avenue and his jealousy and paranoia will only continue to get worse.