AITA for telling my sister who can’t have kids that she does not get to be a part of naming mine and my wife’s babies?
My sister has long struggled with infertility and held onto dreams of motherhood, even saving lists of baby names she hoped to use. When my wife and I decided to have a baby, we naturally chose our own names.
However, my sister assumed she’d have a say in naming our child. I had to balance her unfulfilled dreams with our right as parents, and ultimately, I decided that naming our child is solely our decision—a choice that has sparked deep family conflict.
‘AITA for telling my sister who can’t have kids that she does not get to be a part of naming mine and my wife’s babies?’
Navigating the emotional complexities of family dynamics can be particularly challenging when deep personal desires—like the wish to experience motherhood—are unfulfilled. In this case, your sister’s insistence on being involved in naming your child appears to be a way for her to hold onto the maternal role she’s always longed for. While it’s completely understandable that she feels hurt and excluded given her lifelong challenges with infertility, experts emphasize that the decision to name a child is a deeply personal one for parents.
Family therapist Dr. Brené Brown notes, “Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and care, even when it means disappointing those we love.” This perspective is particularly relevant here. Your decision to reserve naming rights for you and your wife isn’t necessarily a rejection of your sister, but rather a declaration of your right to define your own family identity.
Mental health professionals often advise that, while empathy for your sister’s pain is important, maintaining clear boundaries helps prevent ongoing resentment and preserves the integrity of the decisions that affect your child’s future. In this light, your stance—though painful for your sister—can be seen as a necessary step in protecting both your autonomy as parents and your emotional well-being.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
Overall, many feel that while it’s understandable why my sister is hurt, naming our baby is a decision that should be left to the parents. Some agree that her repeated insistence is intrusive given her own struggles, while others believe a more empathetic conversation might have helped. Despite varied viewpoints, the dominant sentiment is that the choice of baby names should remain a personal decision for us as parents.
This situation isn’t just about baby names—it’s about navigating the delicate balance between empathy for unfulfilled dreams and the right to define your own family. In setting this boundary, my wife and I are striving to protect our future child’s identity and honor our personal choices. Yet, the emotional fallout is real, and the division it has caused within our family raises important questions about love, respect, and personal autonomy.
What do you think: is it fair to reserve such an important decision exclusively for the parents, or should family members be given a chance to participate? Share your thoughts and experiences—your insights might help others facing similarly complex family dynamics.
Sorry, but your sister’s inability to have children just doesn’t come into play here. It simply isn’t her choice. It’s yours.
I might try offering it this way, though I don’t know if it will make a difference. You accepted her list of names for boys and girls. You and your wife sat down and seriously looked at the list. If a name on that list had resonated, as you present this to us, it seems like you would have seriously considered it. So, in effect, your sister has had more input on the baby name discussion than anyone else other than you and your wife. It was only when the names were not ones that you and your wife wanted to choose that the issue started. Your wife shared, you took the list, you didn’t pick her name. Why is that not taking her feelings into account?