AITA For telling my sister that her new boyfriend can’t bring his child to my wedding?

Wedding plans often come with a host of expectations and boundaries, and when these are crossed, tensions can quickly rise. The issue in this story centers around a woman in her early thirties who is getting married in November 2024—a wedding that has been meticulously planned for two years.

Her sister, freshly divorced and now dating a colleague (referred to as Brandon), assumed that because she was the maid of honor and her new relationship was already in its early stages, Brandon would be allowed to attend as her plus one. The conflict escalated when it emerged that Brandon intended to bring his daughter, Kelly, to the wedding, despite the clear “child free” policy communicated to all guests.

‘AITA For telling my sister that her new boyfriend can’t bring his child to my wedding?’

Me (F33) is getting married soon (Nov 2024) which has been planned for the last 2 years. My sister (F36) has just split with her husband and started a new relationship with one of her colleagues (We will call him Brandon) who I have briefly met a couple times before but don’t know very well, he’s nice enough but my FH has never met him and like I say I don’t really know him myself.

My sister mentioned to Brandon that she is my maid of honour and that I will be getting married in November within the first week of their new relationship. before my sister and her husband (lets call him Rhys) split they were both invited to the wedding, as they’d been married for 15yrs so Rhys was a big part of the family.

Brandon automatically assumed he was invited to the wedding in Rhys’ place, which I didn’t like but sort of accepted that she’d want a plus one, and Rhys wouldn’t want to come now anyway given the situation, so I let it go. she then informs me that Brandon has told his daughter Kelly (F10) who he co-parents with his ex that they’re both coming to my wedding so Kelly is really excited.

I reminded my sister that we are having a ‘child free’ wedding which was communicated to everyone who was invited to attend, as we ourselves don’t have children, don’t want children and so don’t want children at our wedding which all our family and friends have been fine with. I’ve met Kelly, and she is unfortunately a complete brat, and definitely not a child we would want at our wedding regardless of if we’re having a child free wedding or not.

My sister thought our refusal was down to the cost of adding her as a guest when we’ve already reached maximum numbers, so initially offered to pay for her place. I told her it’s not about the money but because firstly I don’t like Kelly and secondly Brandon overstepped by assuming his child could come without even trying to talk to myself and my FH first.

I also calmly told her that she knew we were having a child free wedding and should have told him straight away to avoid this happening. As it’s also not fair to our other friends and family members who have arranged childcare for their own children to respect our wishes. She’s now calling me an AH because it’s ‘going to make things difficult’ for her when she tells him that he can’t bring Kelly as she’s excited about going to a wedding.

I told her that wasn’t my problem as I am not responsible for him trying to muscle in on a family event he wasn’t even invited to in the first place. I’ve offered to talk to him for her, to keep the peace, but she said I’d just end up being ‘more of an AH to him’ than I am already for telling her that her new boyfriends child can’t come to my wedding.. So reddit… Am I the AH?

Family events, particularly weddings, require clear communication and firm boundaries to prevent misunderstandings. According to Dr. Laura Simmons, a family relationship counselor, “Setting and enforcing boundaries in family gatherings is essential, especially when emotions and expectations run high. When a host has clearly stated rules—such as a child free wedding—it is both reasonable and necessary to insist that these guidelines be respected.”

Dr. Simmons adds that while it’s important to be flexible in certain circumstances, overriding a clearly communicated policy can lead to long-term resentment and conflict. In this case, the bride’s decision to not allow Brandon’s daughter is rooted in her personal vision for the event and the desire to maintain consistency with her communicated wishes. By insisting on these boundaries, she is taking a stand to ensure that her special day reflects her priorities and values, even if it means facing temporary familial discord.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit community largely supports the bride’s decision. Many commenters stress that a child free wedding is a non-negotiable stipulation that all guests were informed of well in advance, and that Brandon’s assumption to bring his daughter is out of line. Some advise that the responsibility lies with Brandon and the sister to respect the established rules, while others even suggest having security or designated personnel ready to enforce the policy. Overall, the sentiment is that this is the bride’s day, and if the rules are not followed, the consequences should be clearly communicated and upheld.

[Reddit User] −  NTA.  You didn’t have to tell her you don’t like Kelly. It’s enough that you’re having a child free wedding. It’s not your problem he made this assumption. It’s not your problem your sister didn’t automatically correct him. Let her tell him. If he doesn’t want to cone, so be it. If she decides to step down, let her. Do not give in for any “keep the peace” arguments. You will regret it. If you think he’ll bring his daughter, make sure there’s someone to turn them away from both the ceremony and reception. He may try the “but she’ll just eat from my plate” trick.

[Reddit User] −  Ntah. It’s a child free wedding. It’s your day and a big one without family being dicks. And she is being a d**k. There’s nothing else to talk about. It’s your day and that’s a stipulation. She overstepped also by assumption. She put herself in the awkward place.

R4eth −  Nta. Kelly is a brat because I bet you anything, in the wake of the divorce, one or both parents decided to stop saying no to keep her happy and be the “cool parent” rather then be a *real* parent. Brandon is proving this by the fact he just assumed he was invited, then, when was talking about it wth his spoiled kid, kid demanded to come with and he couldn’t say no because he’s forgotten how to stand up to his kid. The point is. Not your monkey, not your circus. Your wedding, your rules. Period. Tell sis if he shows up with the kid, you will be kicking all three of them out. Zero tolerance. And follow through by hiring security.

AnnoyedRedheadedMom −  nta you need to get that straightened out before sis decides to make the brat your flower girl. let her know if she has a problem with your wedding, you might just include dear Rhys and his plus one.

JuggernautOnly695 −  NTA at all and with how pushy your sister is do you still want her to still be your MOH? She invited her new fling without consulting you and then proceeded to invite her fling’s kid. She is way out of line and is trying to make you into the bad guy instead of owning up to her mistakes. If you still want her in the wedding, it may be time to have a frank conversation with her and set some clear boundaries. Remember, you don’t have to give her a +1.

MerelyWhelmed1 −  Of course you’re NTA. But your sister and her boyfriend sure are. No kids means no kids. But don’t worry. By November your sister may have moved on.

Interesting_Wing_461 −  Not your problem. It’s Brandon’s. He is assuming too much about a family event he was not invited to. Let him and your sister deal with it. I’m also petty. I would let her ex know that he is more than welcome to attend also with a guest.

xibal123 −  I guess Brandon thinks he’s part of the family already. Whether she accepts it or not it’s probably best for you to talk to him and stay firm on the no kids. Sounds like he’s a bit over eager and it’s getting in the way.

MorgainofAvalon −  NTA! There is something wrong with a person to not only invite themselves to your wedding, but to invite their child as well. You might want to have a stand by MOH, in case she decides this is a hill worth dying for. Do not cave in. Think of all the people that found sitters because it is child free. Kids need to learn how to deal with disappointment.

Tressame17 −  NTA. But don’t be surprised if he brings her anyways. Be prepared to have someone turn them away – or to have all your other guests wonder why they paid for a babysitter.

Ultimately, the question boils down to personal boundaries and respect for the host’s wishes. The bride stands by her decision to maintain a child free environment, emphasizing that her wedding is a carefully planned event meant to reflect her vision and values. While this stance has created a rift with her sister, it also raises an important discussion: How should family members balance personal desires with the need to honor the host’s guidelines in major life events? Have you ever had to enforce a non-negotiable rule at a family event, and how did you manage the fallout? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments—let’s discuss how best to navigate these sensitive family dynamics.