AITA for telling my sister she’s the reason her kids don’t want to come around?

A Reddit user (48F) with four children is in a dispute with her sister Sarah (50F), who has three children. Sarah has implemented a strict parenting style, telling her kids they must pay rent once they graduate high school if they want to keep their rooms.

The user disagrees with this approach and believes it will drive her sister’s children away. During a shopping trip, tensions rise when the user and her other sister, Jen, discuss making Halloween baskets for their kids, while Sarah criticizes their parenting as overly indulgent.

At dinner, the discussion escalates when Sarah suggests the user’s oldest son should pay bills and ridicules the idea of writing Christmas lists. Frustrated, the user lashes out, telling Sarah her kids barely visit because they hate her and labeling her a “shitty parent.”

Afterward, Sarah includes their family in a group chat to share her side, leading to mixed reactions from their siblings and mother. The user feels guilty about her harsh words and wonders if she should apologize. Read the original story below for more details.

‘ AITA for telling my sister she’s the reason her kids don’t want to come around?’

I 48 F have 4 kids. I have a daughter Kaylee who’s about to graduate highschool, two sons in college and my oldest son Jerry who has been living with me since he graduated college a year ago. My sister Sarah 50F has three kids, a daughter in highschool a son in college and a son who’s getting his masters.

My sister told her kids that as soon as they graduate highschool they have to pay rent in college in they want to keep their rooms. I told her she shouldn’t do that because it would drive them away. She told me that this is the way she wants to parent and I should respect that.

Yesterday Me, Sarah and my youngest sister, Jen went shopping to catch up and hang out. While at the store I grabbed four baskets to make Halloween baskets for my kids. I gave them each a mug, a blanket and candy and a gift card. Sarah asked why I was getting that.

I told her I seen on social media people make these baskets and I wanted to make some for my kids. Jen also got the things to make some for her kids. Sarah said that was completely unnecessary and we should stop babying our kids. I just told her I like doing nice things for my kids. You could tell that kind of made her mad, but we continued to shop.

Later Sarah came over for dinner. Jerry is a really good cook so not only does he do most of the cooking he also pays for all the groceries. While we were sitting in the living room my sister said when is he going to move out. I told her whenever he’s ready. She said he should at least be paying bills.

I said no, my goal as a mother is to ensure my child succeeds in life. He’s been saving up money to buy a house and I refuse to accept rent because that means it would take him longer to reach his goal. I explained that I don’t even want him to pay for groceries but I physically can’t stop him from doing that.

She scoffed but just ignored it. But what set me off is when both Jerry and Kaylee was passing through the living room I told them hurry up and write their Christmas list because I know some early sales are about to start.

Sarah said that I’m ridiculous and I’m not being a good parent because I refuse to unleash my children. She said they are too grown for Christmas list. She said I’m raising lousy and lazy kids. Jerry told her to cool out, but I hurried and chimed in. I told her I’m a way better parent than her. I told her my kids are far from lazy.

I had a son graduate salutatorian, my daughter is in the top ten percent of her class. My oldest son has a fantastic job. I told her to ask herself why does her children barely come to see you? It’s because they hate you. I asked her what good mom expects their kids to pay rent and go to school.

I told her she was the definition of a s**tty parent, and she shouldn’t have had kids if she was going to treat them like crap once they turned 18. She just hurried and left the house. Later that night Sarah in the group chat includes all my siblings and my mom. Sarah said her side, I shared my side.

Jen told Sarah she was in the wrong and that I have nothing to apologize for. My Mom told Sarah that it was unfair to comment on someone’s parenting styles, when she hates when the same is done to her. Sarah just left the group chat. I just feel really bad about what I said and think I should apologize for being to harsh. Aita?

Check out how the community responded:

takatine −  *She told me this is the way she wants to parent and I should respect that.* So….everybody should only respect *her* way of parenting….but she doesn’t have to respect anybody else’s? Yeah, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Sarah needed that reality check. NTA.

hemiones −  NTA. She was constantly giving you unsolicited advice and opinions on your parenting style. It seems like you handled it with grace until she confronted your kids. I don’t think you have anything to apologize for. All you did was stick up for yourself.

Ok_Ring_3261 −  Apologize for what? Being truthful? Did she even like her kids? This “payback” mentality from people astounds me…. Your children didn’t just show up with their hand out, you made a conscious decision to have them. If you did not want to have them and love them forever without strings….you should not have had them.

Hell i don’t want our daughter to leave ever – she’s 28 has a great career and wants to buy a home – she can live here for as long as she wants and we would let her live with us forever if she would – because we actually like her…….

Radiant-Pop-2377 −  NTA, I have a feeling you never would have said that if she didn’t insult your kids’ character first. She can parent her kids however she wants, just as you can.

My parents took your approach, all my siblings and I have moved out and back in, some more than once, because we always know that mom and dads house is a safe place. It saved me from a toxic relationship, and my brother from crippling student debt.

Now my siblings and I love to stop over, call randomly, go on trips together, and they are the best grandparents. That’s not to say there is a right and wrong way, but she shouldn’t tell you there is! You have nothing to be sorry for! Congrats on raising great kids and showing them love, good work mama!

Ballas333 −  NTA. This is hilarious and I love it. I hate people that dish it out but can’t take it. And that’s Sarah. You just gave her a taste of her own medicine. And she clearly deserved it.

Too many people think that they are owed things like love, money, and loyalty from their kids just by virtue of being their parent regardless of how s**tty they treated their kids. Good on you for keeping your sister accountable. And don’t let her forget that how you treat people determines how they treat you in return.

Exciting_Walk9299 −  My sister is about to be forty two and lives with our mom and little brother. She lives with her because she has absence seizures and it is hard to live on her own. She pays the water bill and helps buy groceries.

It’s also a good thing that she lives with our mom because our dad recently passed away and my mom needs someone around to comfort her. Sarah needs to mind her own business and quit telling others how to parent their children.

ChibiSailorMercury −  yaddah, yaddah, yaddah, “two wrongs don’t make a right”, “the other cheek”, blablabla, I know, BUT SHE STARTED IT. If she can’t take it when people tell her her parenting is bad, she shouldn’t walk around dishing it to other. NTA. She can shut her trap or other people will shut it for her.

Flumoaxed −  NTA Sarah couldn’t stand getting advice on her “parenting” but felt fully justified shitting on yours. She’s an a**hole as are those taking up for her hypocrisy.

Garden_gnome1609 −  You have nothing to apologize for. She started s**t in your own house and you ended it.

FartFace319 −  The year I turned 18, on Children’s Day, my dad told me I was not going to get any presents from him anymore from now on because I was not a child anymore.. We don’t talk anymore.

Ironically I lived with his mom (my grandma) for a bit over 10 years, she raised me and thinks of me like a daughter, I am 30 now and she still buys me something for Children’s Day.. NTA.

Ps: My dad did way more awful things to me than just not give me a present but I wrote this comment as an example of how unloving a parent like this comes off as.