AITA for telling my sister she’s a s**tty mother in the family group chat?

A Redditor recently confronted their sister, “Sara,” in the family group chat about neglecting her younger son, Ethan, and favoring her older son, Jackson. The Redditor shared examples of Sara failing to prioritize Ethan, from skipping his events to not caring for him when he was sick. After Sara missed another opportunity to support Ethan, the Redditor called her a “shitty mother” in the group chat, sparking a family-wide debate. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my sister she’s a s**tty mother in the family group chat?’

My sister “Sara” (35) and I (30F) see each other around Christmas every year, other than that we don’t really communicate except for the occasional family group chat exchange. She has 2 sons, Jackson (15) and Ethan (13). I’ve always known that Ethan is quiet and reserved, and until recently I thought he preferred to not have a lot of attention, until I realized he’s just not getting any.

Until last Christmas, I thought Jackson and Ethan had the same dad. I learned Jackson’s dad left Sara after she cheated on him, hence, Ethan. I recently realized that Sara would reach out in the chat on behalf of Jackson. If he had a sports game, doing a fundraiser, had a social event to attend, she would ask us to attend, donate, or help him get to/from his social event if she couldn’t take him.

Or if he was suspended from school, she would reach out to us for help, but RARELY would we hear anything about Ethan, and she NEVER told us that Jackson was suspended 99% of the time for b**lying Ethan and his friends. They now go to separate schools!

Recently Sara asked if someone could take Ethan to his school choir concert so she could attend parent conferences at Jackson’s school. Odd to me because she didn’t ask anyone to go watch him perform, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe Ethan didn’t want anyone to watch.

I offered to take him, watch the concert if he wanted me to, and take him home. He had a solo, he was smiling and clearly loved what he was doing. His choir director said Ethan is always helping other students and asked me to come to more concerts.

Some time after, Sara was once again busy at Driver’s Ed with Jackson and Ethan was home. He started vomiting and called his mom. She reached out and asked if anyone else could go take care of him until she got home, so I did. But she didn’t come home early. Two weeks later (two weeks ago from now) he broke his hand.

Last weekend I bought tickets to the symphony and planned to take him, but wound up not being able to because I was sick. I transferred the tickets to his mom and begged her to take him and she said she would. I texted Ethan yesterday and asked how he liked it but he didn’t respond. So I called his mom.

She didn’t take him and didn’t find anyone else to. She was “busy” and forgot, but wasn’t too busy to ask the family group chat THE DAY OF THE CONCERT if anyone would help pay for Jackson’s DC trip in the spring. I went off on her in the family group chat and said she is being a s**tty mother.

I said I don’t know if it’s because she inherited the favoritism gene from our parents or if she is subconsciously punishing him because SHE cheated and got rightfully dumped, and I told her that she needs to step up for her son. Of course this has caused a group chat storm. At first I felt justified, but some of the responses say otherwise, and Sara of course says I’m the biggest AH. AITA for calling her out in front of the rest of the family?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

volumeoforgottenlore −  You’re 100% justified…but that might be something you should send her in private messages…and gossip with everyone else on the side to get them on your side first. People in families are often biased against anything that disturbs the peace. A lot of people prefer an easy peace to justice.

Humble_Guidance_6942 −  NTA. People like your sister aren’t going to respond or care about your deserved criticism of her. The most helpful thing that you can do is be there for Ethan. Having someone who cares can be a lifeline for lonely kids like him. Please stay in his life.

sillygoose3001 −  NTA. You seem to be the only shining light in that kid’s life, go auntie!!! S**tty mom needs a reality check.

CarryOk3080 −  Nta. Can you see if Ethan wants to live with you and everyone go NC with your s**tty sister and his equally awful brother? Or else call CPS and have this investigated. Did Ethan break his hand or did Jackson break his hand and Sarah is covering it up. Someone needs to be on ETHANS SIDE.

StAlvis −  INFO. Had you broached this topic with her privately before? Or is the *first* she’s hearing about this in a **group** chat?

Live-Ice7323 −  NTA. You are calling it like you see it. Hopefully you will be able to still spend time with Ethan as it sounds like he could really use someone that cares. You won’t be able to change your sister’s crappy parenting but you might be able to make a difference in Ethan’s life.

bamf1701 −  NTA. You are only telling the truth. She is failing Ethan horribly and doesn’t seem to care. I saw your comment about breaking Ethan’s trust about the concert – don’t beat yourself up too much about it. Keep paying attention to him and providing him with love.

It is just as important for him to see that someone can mess up, apologize, and actually mean it. Plus, it would be so much worse if you left him. Ignore the family members who are telling you you did wrong – they are enabling her behavior. This isn’t about you or what people are calling you – this is about you standing up for Ethan.

duchessofcheezit −  NTA. Thank you for standing up for Ethan. It’s always important to have people rallying for you, but even more so during the teen years. Please continue to be there for him. As for your sister…may she reap what she has sown. She needed the call out on group chat. Shaming isn’t always a bad thing.

Rad1PhysCa3 −  I’m concerned that Ethan is being abused by Jackson and that the mother is allowing it to happen. Jackson is the golden child and Ethan is the s**pegoat. The one they blame for breaking up the family just by existing.

If Jackson has bullied Ethan enough to be suspended multiple times, to the point where the mother had to put them in separate schools, I’m willing to bet that Jackson is doing worse things at home and the school had only seen the tip of the iceberg. Mom agreed to separate them in order to avoid more negative attention.

OP, please do what you can to stay in Ethan’s life (even if it means a fake apology). Make more observations, gather any evidence, tell him he can talk to you about what’s really going on, and be there to support him. This poor child needs you to keep being the awesome, loving aunt he can go to with anything.

ChloeeBreeze −  I get why you’d be upset especially with how Sara seems to put so much focus in Jackson while neglecting Ethan.. it seems like you’re trying to hold her accountable.. which is understandable but doing it in the family gc might’ve been a bit over the top . Maybe it would’ve been more productive to talk to her privately about how you’re seeing things rather than airing it all out for the fam .. still it’s not right for her to ignore Ethan’s needs and hopefully she takes it seriously