AITA for telling my sister she can’t name her baby after our mom?
A Reddit user (29F) is dealing with a difficult situation involving her pregnant sister, Laura (34F), who wants to name her baby after their late mother, Margaret. While the Redditor has strong negative feelings about their mother due to her abusive behavior, Laura sees naming the baby after her as a way to heal.
Tensions rise as the Redditor expresses their discomfort and refuses to call the baby by that name, resulting in a fallout between the sisters. The family is now divided, with some supporting the Redditor and others believing she’s overreacting. Read the full story below…
‘ AITA for telling my sister she can’t name her baby after our mom?’
I (29F) have an older sister, Laura (34F), who is pregnant with her first child. She’s over the moon about becoming a mom, and I’m happy for her, truly. However, we’ve had a massive falling-out because of what she wants to name her baby: Margaret, after our late mom.
Here’s the issue… our mom, Margaret, was not a good person. She was a**sive, m**ipulative, and caused both of us (and our dad) a lot of trauma growing up. She played us against each other constantly, berated us, and made us feel like we were never good enough.
Laura and I both went to therapy in our 20s to deal with the emotional scars, and for a while, it seemed like we were on the same page about how damaging Mom had been. But now that Laura is pregnant, she’s acting like our mom was some kind of saint.
She’s been rewriting history, talking about how “complicated” Mom was but also how “strong” she was, and how naming her baby after Mom is her way of “healing.” I get that this might be her way of processing things, but it feels like a slap in the face to me.
I don’t want to hear or say our mom’s name at every family gathering for the next 18+ years. I told Laura this, calmly at first, but she dismissed me, saying it’s “just a name” and that I’m being dramatic. I got frustrated and snapped and told her “Why would you name an innocent child after the person who ruined our childhoods?
That’s fucked up, she doesn’t deserve that honor” She started crying, accused me of being unsupportive, and now she’s told our extended family, who are divided. Some family members agree with me, saying Laura is being insensitive, but others think I’m overreacting and that this is Laura’s choice,
not mine and that I should leave it be. I told her I won’t be calling the baby Margaret, and now she says I’m being petty and need to grow up. AITA for standing my ground? That’s still my niece, I know I can’t name the baby myself but I don’t know what to do
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
smolperson − It’s not your decision but also I completely understand why you feel the way you do. Have you had a chat with the other parent? Do they know your sister is naming their child after an abuser?
veek61 − Unfortunately, your sister gets to decide what she names her baby. You expressed your opinion, but it’s just not something you get to “stand your ground” over. It’s her choice.
radicalcoach − You’re not the A for your feelings about it. But you don’t get to say whether your sister forgives your mom or not.
If I was in your position, I’d come up with all the names. I do like that are derivatives of Margaret. You can call or something that you would never have called your mom.
What’s important here is to ask yourself “is this the hill I want to die on”? Do you really want to ruin your relationship with your sister over this one thing. I know you don’t understand her feelings. That’s fair. But your job is to make the situation workable.
You have expressed your feelings, and now you need to deal and get over it yourself. If you want to be really petty the next time, your sister gives an opinion on some thing cut her off, and when she gets upset, tell her you thought that other people’s opinions weren’t allowed to be voiced anymore.
Usual-Canary-7764 − Let me get this straight…you went to therapy to deal with the childhood trauma and what you got out of it was you get to decide what your sister names HER child and how SHE perceives HER past and lives her life?
You don’t have to agree with her about how she portrays her past. You don’t have to agree with her choice of how to name her child. But just as equally, all those things are hers and hers alone to do. That you suffered a past does not mean you control anyone’s present or future to the point of blowing up at them.
You don’t want to say your mother’s name or hear it at family gatherings. That is clearly NTA. That is your prerogative. There is also a simple solution for it: don’t go to these things if they will trigger you that much. But stop trying to control your sister’s choices.
You have a right to your feelings. I empathise with the pain you feel. But I don’t see how u blowing up at your sister for a choice that was solely hers to make (after calmly expressing your concerns) was not a clear case of YTA.
Ok_Homework_7621 − NAH. I see your side, but you can’t control your sister’s choice in the end.. It can become just a name, though.
I named my daughter after her father, my husband. I really don’t know how, but I really didn’t realise both my grandmothers had the same name.
One was just Grandma, the other goes by a nickname and doesn’t use her real name socially, think Grandma Betty for Elizabeth. The problem is, one of them was straight up evil and the other one okay, but not really interested. But I really wanted the name.
I never think of them when I say my daughter’s name. Nobody in the family does. After so much time, I don’t even think about her father, she’s really made the name her own. The name has been rehabilitated in a way.
risebirdlioness − if your sister has forgiven your mom, thats her choice. you dont get to decide what someone else names their kid. YTA
MineMost7998 − It’s not your place.
pinekneedle − YTA. You can’t dictate how your sister processes her own grief or what she will name her baby. Your niece won’t have to deal with that legacy unless you put it on her. Your niece will be her own person and her own Margaret. As for triggers….in life they are unavoidable. We all have to learn to cope with them…repeatedly.
SilverPupu − NTA—you’re entitled to your feelings about the name given your shared trauma, but ultimately it’s Laura’s choice, so consider setting boundaries while respecting her decision.
notyoureffingproblem − Yta, it’s not your decision
Do you think the Redditor was right to oppose the baby name, or should they have been more understanding of their sister’s perspective? How would you handle a similar situation with conflicting family emotions? Share your thoughts below!