AITA for telling my sister it is her uter*s keeping her from her dream and not me?

A Reddit user shares a heated conflict with their sister over a sensitive family matter. The user, who has always been clear about not wanting children or pregnancy, was asked by their sister, who struggles with infertility, to be her surrogate.

After refusing, tensions rose, culminating in a dramatic family dinner where the sister accused the user of standing in the way of her dream. In frustration, the user snapped back with a harsh comment, leaving the family divided and questioning whether they were in the wrong. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling my sister it is her uter*s keeping her from her dream and not me?’

I (26F) have known for years that I don’t want children—ever. It’s not up for debate, and I’ve been very clear about this with my family. My older sister, “Samantha” (32F), is the opposite. She’s dreamed of being a mother her entire life, but she’s been struggling with infertility for years. It’s been heartbreaking to see her go through this, and I’ve always tried to be supportive in other ways.

Recently, Samantha and her husband started exploring surrogacy. They’ve saved up a lot of money, but the cost is still high, so Samantha asked me if I’d consider being her surrogate. I was blindsided. I told her that I love her and support her, but I’m not comfortable with pregnancy, whether for myself or someone else. I reminded her that I’ve been very clear about my decision not to have children, and that includes not being pregnant at all.

She didn’t take it well. She accused me of being selfish and said I was prioritizing my own convenience over her chance to be a mother. It got worse over the next few weeks, with her dropping passive-aggressive comments and even implying that I was “wasting” my uter*s since I don’t want kids.

The breaking point came at a family dinner. Samantha brought up my refusal in front of everyone and said, “It’s so sad when your own sister stands in the way of your dream.” I was so frustrated that I snapped and said, “It’s not me keeping you from your dream. It’s your uter*s, and I’m not sacrificing my body to fix that for you.”

The room went dead silent. Samantha burst into tears and left, and now my family is divided. Some think I was too harsh and should apologize, while others think Samantha crossed a line by trying to guilt-trip me.
I feel terrible for hurting her, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s fair to expect me to go against my values and life choices to fix her situation.. So, Reddit, AITA.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Invado77 −  Plain and simple your body your choice. She asked and you said no. That’s the end of it. Any further comments on it is her being an a**hole not you.

forgetregret1day −  For one thing, legitimate surrogates are only accepted if they’ve had at least one healthy, successful pregnancy. I’m sorry for your sister but having gone through 2 pregnancies (not surrogacy but still) myself, it’s a huge commitment and a huge responsibility. Your sister has no idea what 9 months of gestating a child entails and I’m sure her emotions are blinding her reason, but this isn’t your fault. She’s angry but taking it out in the wrong person. I’m sorry, you don’t deserve that. NTA.

The_Bad_Agent −  NTA. She chose to have her feelings hurt, by her own behavior. She deserved that clap back. Don’t apologize for being honest.

Good_Ad6336 −  NTA. Your sister needs therapy. Society has pushed the idea that since women are biologically programmed to have children they 1. Must be good at it and 2. Are failing as women if they don’t accept this role. It’s BS. Being a parent does not mean you have to give birth. Yes there is surrogacy but there is also adoption. Having a uter*s does not mean you automatically have to have children. And she cannot force you to risk your health.

TopAd7154 −  NTA. You probably wouldn’t be allowed anyway seeing as you’ve not been pregnant before. So she clearly hasn’t explored it that thoroughly. She’s just looking for a cheaper way to do it. 

lookingformiles −  NTA. Tell sister to f**k off. No contact until she gets well mentally.

Chaoticgood790 −  NTA she can choke. Also no doctor would approve you as a surrogate anyways.

BrewDogDrinker −  Nta. She kept pushing and pushing and pushing.. What did she think would happen? A few months of NC is in order I feel.. Updateme!

ACM915 −  NTA – your sister may not realize that surrogacy can only be done on a woman that has already had at least one full term successful pregnancy. Most doctors will not perform this procedure on a woman that has never had a child.

henchwench89 −  NTA what she is asking isn’t a small inconvenience. She is asking you to sacrifice your body. And risk your life and health for over a year (pregnancy and post pregnancy). Not to mention no reputable doctor will accept you as a surrogate without having gone through a successful pregnancy. They just don’t want or can’t afford to pay an actual surrogate.