AITA for telling my sister in law that she is an i**ot for expecting her family to be as generous with gifts for her marriage as they were for mine?

When a secret elopement collides with a public gift registry, family tensions explode. Is expecting generosity without celebration reasonable—or pure idiocy?

‘ AITA for telling my sister in law that she is an i**ot for expecting her family to be as generous with gifts for her marriage as they were for mine?’

Expert Opinions

1. Social Etiquette and Gift-Giving Norms
   Dr. Emily Post (via The Emily Post Institute): “Gift-giving is traditionally tied to participation in a celebration. Guests who aren’t invited to an event—even a wedding—often feel no obligation to contribute. Registries for elopements can come across as transactional, especially without a follow-up gathering.”
2. Family Dynamics and Financial Expectations
   A 2023 study in Journal of Family Psychology found that “financial expectations in families often clash when milestones like weddings are handled differently. Resentment arises when one party perceives unequal treatment, even if circumstances aren’t comparable.”
3. Conflict Resolution in Family Disputes
   Therapist Dr. Lori Gottlieb (author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone): “Name-calling escalates conflicts, even when frustrations are valid. OP’s SIL may feel invalidated, but doubling down on insults shuts down productive dialogue. Repair requires acknowledging both parties’ perspectives.”

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Community Opinions

Summary: Redditors overwhelmingly side with OP, calling the SIL’s expectations unrealistic. Key themes:

• “NTA. No party, no gifts. Basic etiquette.”
• “Calling her an iot was harsh but honest.”
• “Registries for elopements are tacky.”

This clash highlights the unwritten rules of gift-giving and the dangers of conflating secrecy with entitlement. While OP’s frustration is justified, the “idiot” jab undermined her valid points. Verdict: NTA, but a gentler approach could have preserved family harmony.