AITA for telling my roommate I don’t cook food she likes because I don’t cook for her?

When you share a communal food budget with roommates, expectations can easily get tangled. In your situation, you, your girlfriend, and your roommate all chip in for “house food,” but the system isn’t working seamlessly for everyone. You cook meals primarily for you and your girlfriend, while your roommate’s preferences and comments about your cooking style—like calling your spaghetti “the white people way”—have sparked tension.

Ultimately, you expressed that you’re not responsible for cooking to her taste because you weren’t cooking for her. This blunt declaration has landed you in a bit of hot water, but it also shines a light on the underlying issues of your shared food arrangement.

‘AITA for telling my roommate I don’t cook food she likes because I don’t cook for her?’

Family and roommate dynamics often improve when clear boundaries and roles are established. As noted by communication experts, “When sharing household resources, it’s crucial to have a mutual agreement about roles and responsibilities.” If everyone had a say in the menu or if separate budgets were established for personal preferences, conflicts like these might be avoided.

While you’re not obligated to cook meals tailored to your roommate’s taste, a simple discussion about dividing responsibilities—or even having designated cooking days—could prevent future misunderstandings. The issue here is less about personal meanness and more about the need for better system management.

See what others had to share with OP:

Many Redditors seem to agree with a “NAH” verdict. Some point out that if you’re not cooking for her, you shouldn’t be expected to cater to her taste, while others believe the communal food system itself is the problem. One recurring suggestion is to rework the arrangement—perhaps by having individual food budgets or rotating cooking duties—to better accommodate everyone’s needs without unwanted interference.

This situation highlights that shared living arrangements often require clear boundaries and open communication. While you’re within your right to cook according to your own tastes for the meals you intend for you and your girlfriend, it might be time to revisit the shared food policy with your roommate.

How can you establish a system that respects everyone’s contributions and preferences? Have you considered a meeting to sort out these responsibilities? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s discuss how to turn a contentious shared space into a harmonious home.